I (27F) feel like I might lose my friendship with my best friend (27F) but I feel betrayed. Advice appreciated.

Trigger warning in advance: there is mention of pregnancy and termination.

I’m going to dive into this with some context and backstory, because I think it will help build the overall picture in terms of the present day situation.

FRIENDSHIP CONTEXT:
Annie and I became best friends in high school, inseparable until Grade 11 when a toxic girl drove a wedge between us. We drifted apart but reconnected around age 23, reigniting our amazing friendship.

EVENT BACKGROUND:
I dated Matt unofficially for a few months, deeply connecting with him and truly believing we were exclusive. Our bond grew strong, and I became close to his best friend, Josh. However, Matt was also dating another girl and lying about it. After agreeing to be just friends, he assured me he wouldn’t date the other girl. My period was late, and a test confirmed I was pregnant. The same day, I found out he was indeed dating the other girl, and he’s still with her to this day.

Annie and I had a holiday planned, so I used it as a distraction before the termination. She was supportive but also enjoyed her own dates during the trip. I struggled with overwhelming emotions, and in one instance, I broke down in front of Annie at a café, feeling lost and overwhelmed.

Fast forward post-termination, I tried to move on, but pain and devastation lingered. Three months later, I ran into Matt at a festival, and he drunkenly asked why we stopped talking. I told him it had been a tough few months and suggested lunch. He mocked me, and in my inebriated state, I blurted out that I had been pregnant.

Matt became furious, accusing me of lying and claiming it wasn’t his. I was shocked and hurt, knowing he was dating the other girl and had lied to me. The confrontation ended in tears and a friend intervening.

Before we spoke again, Matt spread rumors that I lied about being pregnant and having a termination. It devastated me and tarnished my reputation. The next day, I apologized for how I told him, and he finally asked if I was alright before walking away.

We never spoke again, and he still avoids me at mutual events. The rumors, lies, and his reaction have haunted me, leading me to see therapists to help process the trauma.

Two years later, I’m in a loving, healing relationship for the last 1.5 years, but Matt still haunts me. He appears in my dreams, apologizing, and I experience flashbacks. My psychiatrist eventually diagnosed me with situational PTSD due to the events, termination, and rumors.

Annie supported me through everything, being my rock even with the distance when she moved interstate. Recently, she moved back to our hometown, and it’s been incredible having her close.

However, we had an awkward situation when she was asked on a date by a guy I used to date/sleep with. I told her I felt uncomfortable, given the circumstances, and she understood it would be awkward for everyone involved. They went on a few dates, but nothing came of it.

Annie recently had bad luck with guys, getting ghosted and having average dates. Last week, our mutual friend mentioned setting her up with Josh, who happens to be Matt’s closest childhood friend. They live together and are inseparable.

When Annie told me about it, I was overwhelmed with emotions and felt like it was a betrayal. I expressed my feelings, and she said she would “have my back.” However, tonight she revealed that their date is scheduled for the weekend at Josh’s place, which is also Matt’s.

This situation is bringing up intense pain and trauma for me. I got very emotional, explaining how I felt about Matt, his house, and his friendship group. Annie seemed to understand, but later texted me, accusing me of trying to bring attention to myself and dishonoring our friendship.

I apologized and tried to explain my emotional reaction, but couldn’t bring myself to say, “You were the one person who was there through it all. You saw the entire event. You were the only one who knew better.” She was the only friend I have who I think this would bother me so much with, because she was there through every step of the pain.

I told her I didn’t want my emotional mismanagement in our conversation to reflect on my character, and mentioned that I’m still going to therapy regularly.

She also accused me of always doing this when she gets asked on a date, saying I ruined the excitement of her date. This made it seem like she was questioning my character. She said I clearly don’t trust her to hold her own and that she would never befriend Josh’s friend or girlfriend, even though she knows what a tight knit group they are.

I’m feeling extremely anxious, guilty, overwhelmed, and confused. I’m genuinely sorry for my emotional reaction. Annie had previously shared her disdain for Josh, yet now she seems to be downplaying why this would be hurtful to me. She’s shared her own, far less intense, dating trauma with me and I’ve genuinely always supported her, so this reaction feels so painful.

I don’t want to lose her friendship, and I’m worried that the way she framed the argument supports her narrative to be close to Josh as she wants a relationship and potentially become avoidant to me.

I’d love any advice, insight, or wisdom in this. Thank you so much.

TL;DR: My best friend is about to start dating the best friend of someone who absolutely devastated me. I feel betrayed.