I’ve read the FAQ and I’ve read some other posts, but they don’t quite apply to what’s going on here. It’s definitely not a masturbation issue; I’ve gone a month without touching myself, and all it did was reduce my sex drive.
I’m 30, AMAB, diagnosed with ADHD in the past few years. I’ve only ever reached orgasm with a partner twice – once from a handjob, once from penetration – and both times were with my current long-term partner (who also has ADHD). We have incredible sex, but it usually lasts 2-3 hours, because I just don’t orgasm. Even though I always bring my partner to climax before focusing on me, 2 hours of being penetrated is a lot to put someone through. I always have to finish by myself, and with intense concentration.
I’m struggling to understand my brain better when it comes to processing stimuli. I absolutely have the stimulation-seeking type of ADHD, and I believe it’s what complicates things here. Even when the sex feels amazing, my brain is looking for something more to take in, which can lead to either distraction or frustration. The one time I climaxed during penetration was our first time using BDSM gear, and I remember it as being completely focused on the different sources of stimulus – pulling on the leash attached to their collar, the rattle of the handcuffs, the flogging marks on their ass, seeing them in this submissive state – and it made the physical sensation more intense. But attempting the same thing again hasn’t worked. I don’t remember details of the handjob.
I feel like I need to find ways to basically overstimulate myself without relying on novelty. But I have no idea how. My partner is somewhat inexperienced – we’ve been together about 3 years, but I’m their first sexual partner – so I also want to be gentle and respectful in any approach. Has anyone had similar issues?
4 comments
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A friend of mine who has ADHD finds that dirty talk, shared fantasizing out loud together, etc. is helpful for this.
Also he likes to have music on in the background because it gives his brain something else to focus on, which paradoxically keeps him more present during sex.
Ticking and especially a tongue in the ear are both incredibly overstimulating for me, in a good way. I’m also ADHD but I think sex is one of two things I hyperfocus on, so not able to fully relate.
What medications are you on?