This is kind of long I’ll try and keep it short but desperate for help. I have been married 20 years. We have three kids together 24, 20 and 18. My husband is and always has been an amazing father there are no complaints there. He also is a wonderful provider. Anyways, my issue with him is I don’t trust him and I don’t know what to do I’m scared to throw it all away but my biggest thing in a marriage is trust and if it’s not there I don’t know what more to do. So now that are kids are older he goes out more with his guy friends. I absolutely can’t stand these guys they are all married as well accept for one whose divorced. I’m more I’d prefer to hang home I work all day with kids so usually I’m fine with him going out with the guys as there huge sports fans. But he goes away frequently with them to Myrtle Beach as one of the guys whose divorced owns a place there. I happened to have found a bar they went to there one night as we have the life 360 app and that bar had live cams I didn’t see my husband do anything but I saw to guys he was with who are both married as well all over these other woman it was disgusting and tells you what kind of men my husband hangs out with. Here in our town they all go to this one particular bar it’s a sports bar I caught my husband one time when I was with him having dinner there snapping a photo of the waitresses boobs ( she was showing a lot of cleavage) and send it to his friends and I called him out for it I was pissed. Don’t get me wrong i get it guys look but when your with your wife at dinner have some respect for me. So a year ago this month he went away on a work conference he went with his whole team. He went for a week. It was weird cause he always would text/call when away but I did not here from him the whole time but it was whatever didn’t think much. When he got home he fell asleep I went through his phone and I saw a bunch of texts from the guys he was with saying just how they were the life of the party and this girl and that girl was hot and then I found a text to a girl that invited her back to his room. She declined. I lost my cool and I left for a few days. I basically after that lost all my trust. He was crying saying sorry when he drinks he makes “poor choices” well that doesn’t make me feel good. But nothing has changed he still goes out he drinks now I noticed if I check his phone he deletes some texts he has with the other guys in friend group and he even told his friend group I check his phone so now they make fun of me and it’s not funny. So here we are now and it’s March and he leaves again for another conference I’m freaking out and don’t trust him. I definitely need therapy as I’m very insecure with myself. Our sex life is horrible he is over the top wanting sex all the time begs me to have a three some wants to watch me with other guys is his fantasy and I’m def not comfortable with that. He always says he needs crazy in his life and I’m total opposite I love sex obviously don’t have it much we work fulltime when we do it’s mostly weekends and it’s great. Anyways, I think we both need therapy I’m ready to run away I know he knows but he doesn’t ever make me secure and feel better I want him to put his arms around me and tell me he loves me and he would never cheat. I just feel he’s acting too much like a teenager. Anyways sorry it’s so long I just needed to get it off my chest.
1 comment
You both do need therapy. You should sign up for individual and marriage therapy. If he is making poor choices while drinking, he needs to stop drinking outside of the home. There are plenty of good non alcoholic beer choices available.
You need to set up boundaries before he goes away again, open phone policy and technology. No social media apps on his phone if he is using these to message people. No to deleting texts. No Snapchat. He should not be sharing your intimate relationship information with his buddies. Ask him how he received this girl number to text her to come to his room. If he has a IPhone,get an IPad and link to his phone. You can restore some deleted messages and pictures depending on the phone. Limit the amount of times he can go out with these friends while you work on your marriage, sounds like the divorce man is wanting him to live he single life and is possibly a very bad influence on your husband. Set up regular times to check in when on business trips, request a nightly FaceTime call. Review financial information for inconsistencies additional or strange charges.