I’m currently seeing and talking to a really great girl and she’s so sweet and caring and she always makes me feel so loved. The only issue is myself.
I’ve only really liked one person when I was 17 and he was an adult who groomed me for multiple years. After I finally stopped reaching out to him, my entire view on relationships changed. Vulnerability was always something he would take advantage of, emotionally, and I was constantly made fun of for it.
In the same year that I stopped reaching out to him I also ended a close friendship that I had had since high school.
Fast forward to today — I literally have the sweetest girl in the world. I mean it when I say that nobody has ever treated me this way. She reassures me, and whenever we’re around each other she showers me with kisses on my cheeks and neck. She never fails to reassure me and comfort me. And meanwhile.. I just feel so broken.
When she does certain things I stare at her like she’s some kind of alien and I can’t help but feel like none of this is real and it won’t last.
In the first week we started talking I ended things with her twice in 2 days but she still asked if we could talk.
I’ve never met anyone so obsessed with me the way she is. I feel like I don’t deserve it, like she’s delusional or something. I’m always tensing, waiting for the moment she’ll lash out at me but she never does.
I’ve stopped myself from being attached for so long I’m even struggling with her. Im prepared for the moment she’ll leave my life to find someone better. I just feel so guilty because I’m so unwilling to get attached. Its hard to feel things after not feeling anything for so long.
How do I learn to love again (cheesy I know) and get her to stay? Is this a common experience for people who have entered a healthy relationship after a toxic one?