How important is sex/kinks when deciding to marry someone?

30 comments

1. Absolutely important, any incompatibility in that area would be an instant dealbreaker.

2. Depends on how important that is to them/you as a partner. Compatibility is important.

3. Incredibly low for me.

4. with your partner, you need to be compatible personality-wise, goal-wise and sex-wise. other*wise* things won’t work out (most likely)

5. extremely. that was definitely a deciding factor when choosing my husband. i think it was actually what clinched it– i mean i repeatedly realized he’s a good person, smart, ambitious, good leader, talented, listens, communicates well– and that pushed me forward on it but the sex thing was what fully convinced me i’d be ok marrying him.

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7. Crucial & Idc who says otherwise.

8. Very. I wouldn’t want to marry someone I wasn’t sexually compatible with let alone wouldn’t be able to fulfill kinks with.

9. The number one starting question for all couples going through counseling is: How often are you intimate with your partner. There are significant and well-backed studies displaying the importance of physical intimacy. Thus, unless you are asexual, the sexual compatibility of the partners is among the most important factors a unit should focus on. If one party is extremely open-minded and the other is the opposite, then one party will be left feeling unsatisfied for the entire extent of the relationship. Lack of sexual compatibility with resulting sexual frustration is one factor among many, but it is among the primary reasons for divorce. From that statement alone, the answer to your question would be: very important. Not all kinks need to be realized for satisfaction, but an openness to explore them where reasonable should be. If not, it would be the same as your partner outrightly denying you your pastimes and hobbies. This is made even worse because unlike those issues, the partner preventing you from expressing your kinks is the gatekeeper. You cannot simply perform them without your partner (generally). The more open partner will effectively have their interests stifled for the full extent of their relationship. Even if the marriage works out, what a terrible life that is. Marriage is a partnership. Find someone you can be a partner with which implies shared values and interests (they do not need to completely overlap). Do not seek someone who imposes restrictions or uses your sexual interests as some form of commodity/bartering chip (e.g. a spouse, in a manipulative context, saying I will do x sexual act if you go and do this; or withholding x act for similar reasons).

   edit=grammar

10. To marry someone it is important that you both are not only incredibly committed to the relationship, but also compatible partners-willing and desiring to do life together, support each other, love each other & understand each other. If you are incompatible in some are or not vulnerable enough with each other to fully understand the other person-I think that relationship is destined to fail.

    So yes, compatibility in all departments is incredibly important.

11. Very important, my husband and I had this talk before we eloped to make sure we’re on the same page

12. Extremely! Being sexually incompatible is hell on earth

13. For me sharing at least some kinks is extremely important and I won’t be in a serious relationship without it.

14. Very important, you have to be compatible and share similar needs.

15. Very— being incompatible in either makes it way more likely that the dissatisfied partner would be more likely to cheat/need to look elsewhere to have those needs met. It’s at least something that should be discussed before a relationship gets too serious.

16. i’m about to break offa 2 1/2 year relationship and this is a large contributing factor. i don’t want to go the rest of my life sexually unsatisfied, it will only result in cheating and resentment.

17. For me, establishing sexual compatibility would be mandatory before I’d agree to seriously date someone, let alone marry them.

18. Incredibly. Also matching libidos in incredibly important. Do you want infrequent disappointing sex for the rest of your life?

19. Incredibly important.

20. Very. I wouldn’t have married my husband if we weren’t compatible sexually.

21. SUPER FUCKING IMPORTANT

22. Absolutely important. You can’t yuck each other’s yums, but needs have to be fulfilled as well.

23. Definitely in the Top 2s of the priority list.

    And I don’t give a shit if someone is offended.

24. If you want the marriage to last, capatability is a must in every aspect ranging from kink, finance goals, life goals, kids, and so, so many more aspects.

25. Very important sexual chemistry is there

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27. Important in the sense that both people should be on the same page sexually.

28. for me, extremely important. I spent *years* trying to make it work with someone I wasn’t compatible with sexually. I was miserable.

    there were (many) other issues of course, but I realized at one point that if we got married I’d never have good sex again. the thought made me ill. it was a huge factor in me deciding to end it.

29. Sexual compatibility is very important. I

30. Extremely!!! I have a spit fetish that my wife refuses to part take . (I’d like her to spit into my mouth ), I find myself wanting it outside of the marriage .