So is being single in your 30’s the wasteland everyone makes it out to be?

37 comments

1. Be prepared to spend money on scotch.

2. I spent my 30s having sex with women in their 20s as a “fuckboy” basically. So I was “single” but rarely went a week without having sex with someone. It was all casual and I didn’t lie to anyone about my intentions, I made pretty clear up front that I was just in it for good times.

   Looking back, I don’t exactly feel fulfilled or anything – but I did make some friends out of former-FWBs and did spend some time working on myself and eventually ending up in an LTR. I’m in my 40s now, but she’s in her early 30s.

   I can’t speak to the current environment as I’ve been out of the “game” for a little while. But depending on what you’re looking for, you may have some luck.

3. If you’re fit and have your own interests, you’ll be ok. I’m on the same boat-same age and just got out of a long relationship. There are waves with the apps and matches come and go. Just have fun.

   I wish my ex and I went to counseling together. She refused when I asked.

4. I’m married with children in my 30s. I dread to think what the next 50 years will be like without my family. If I were single, I’d be putting in a lot of effort to find a companion. I am simply not cut out for a single life like that.

5. Your dating pool expands. At 35 years old, you can date a woman in her mid 20s, 30s, or 40s and no reasonable person would look twice at you.

   Women love men this age, just have your own place, reliable transportation, and keep yourself in tip top shape, dating will be better than it’s every been.

6. I had a fantastic time in my early 30s single and mingling. I actually miss it.

7. 38, divorced, kid living with me. Dating is more difficult due to the logistics, dating matches are in similar situation, but it can be worked out. Does feel better than the misery of a failing marriage that I was living until 3 yeas ago. Not regretting the fact that I have to start over and being mostly single lately as much as regretting wasting some of the best years of my life next to the wrong person. Down to 2 or 3 friends that I spend time with and daddying is a full time job already.
   It is not the end for you, it is a new beginning. Good luck!

8. 30s imo is a great age for dating as a man. I’m 36 and I’m surprised at how open some woman are from their 20s to their 40s. I’m married and I don’t cheat on my wife. You have the freedom to do whatever you want & hopefully the funds to as well.

9. I like being single. I’ve spent a large proportion of my adult life in relationships, so I know they’re not all that great!

   I get complete freedom as a single man, and never get bothered by the daily habits of another.

10. Spent almost my entire 20s in a relationship destined for failure. Became single in my 30s, assuming I’d be single for the rest of my life. I figured being single and happy was better than being miserable in a relationship- which is absolutely true.

    Anyway, dating in my thirties was more fun and simple than my twenties. People were fully formed, knew who they were, and knew exactly what they wanted in a relationship. I’m making some huge generalizations here, but as long as you weren’t a slob with your body or your home, could ask questions to carry a conversation, and had some self-awareness, you’d do well.

    I’m now a husband and a father- happily married and sleep deprived.

11. It’s a wasteland for WOMEN! It’s an oasis for men, provided you’ve got your shit together. If you take care of your body, earning decent stable bank, you’re fishing with dynamite.

12. [deleted]

13. I met my wife at 36. I was in a relation for like 8 year before that. Thought I’d be getting my tinder on! Went on two tinder dates. The first.. got catfished. The second… met the love of my life. SMH. You can get there too.

14. >is being single in your 30’s the wasteland everyone makes it out to be?

    You be the judge, bud. But it’s really all about your attitude. Whether you think it’s a wasteland or you think it’s a paradise, you’re right.

15. I just want to say that I applaud you for doing your absolute best in the relationship. We also did counselling for almost a year, and it did help with reinforcing the idea that we just wouldn’t be able to make it work. Same patterns kept reappearing. We split almost half a year ago.

    Now, recently turned 32, I feel like I’m somewhat in a twilight zone. My career is starting to go off nicely, there are a lot of things to do with my time now, and indeed I do see a lot of people around me having kids, buying houses etcetera. I went to a speeddating session (at IKEA nonetheless) and met a nice lady there. We are spending some time together since about a month and it’s been casual and nice.

    BUT I did see a lot of single people there. There were over 1500 single persons there, each and everyone looking for something or someone. So, there are at least plenty of fish in the sea. But I’d suggest taking your time. Be sure to gently let go of your relationship if you feel it coming up, and share your goodbyes in a friendly manner if possible.

    I’m quite anxious and totally not ready for a relationship anytime soon but I’d like to believe that if you like spending time with yourself, and you bump into someone that can compliment your lifestyle, give it a shot.

    Good luck friendo!

16. I’m in my late 30s and single and it’s been awesome especially as an American in Europe living there. Plenty of options still typically and I feel at this age I’m in my prime

17. If you have your shit together in your 30s, it seems to actually be an ideal time for dating from my perspective. You have more money, you’ve had time to discover a mission/purpose or develop a good idea of where you’re going in life (or where you want to be), you know how to handle yourself and the situations life throws at you better, you are more assured and confident in yourself and you know what you want. I say this as a guy not yet in his 30s but I can feel the effects/reality of all of these already to a certain degree.

    Moreover, there are a bunch of qualities/things which women typically find very attractive that can be quite difficult to have as a guy in your 20s (the character traits that being more mature brings you, stability in your life in various departments, etc). The “wasteland” syndrome (though it’s still relative I’d say) seems to happen more with women. Even if they’re still looking great in their 30s and beyond, it seems like the crushing majority of them never get quite as much attention from the opposite sex as they do during their 20s (though I’m sure there are exceptions). And it’s not that they don’t have options in their 30s or beyond, but that the options they appear to have shrink by quite a bit (and sometimes shrink massively, leading to quite hard landings and many insecurities) compared to when they were younger.

18. If you can’t be happy being single, you’ll never be happy in a relationship

    This is something that way too many people fail to understand

    Being single as an adult is important in that you find out who you actually are and what you actually want out of a partner

    If you hop from relationship to relationship…you never spend any time focusing on yourself

    If you aren’t happy….walk away

    Take some time for yourself. Focus on hobbies. Focus on your career. Focus on traveling

    Once you are comfortable being alone…you will realize that compatibility means more than anything. Then you can focus on finding a compatible partner, not just the best available option

19. I always thought staying in a relationship so you won’t be single was the worst reason. Comes off as desperate or something idk.

20. Depends — how good are you at meeting others?

21. It’s not the loneliness that’s the problem. It’s the lack of purpose. That’s what women, kids give us everyday and why relationships are valuable. If you can find that purpose internally without needing some one you’ll be fine. Im an only child so I’ve been pretty much programmed on auto pilot. I am guessing it’s the lack of choice that gets me out of bed every day.

22. It’s not the loneliness that’s the problem. It’s the lack of purpose. That’s what women, kids give us everyday and why relationships are valuable. If you can find that purpose internally without needing some one you’ll be fine. Im an only child so I’ve been pretty much programmed on auto pilot. I am guessing it’s the lack of choice that gets me out of bed every day.

23. It was super easy and fun in my 30s, I didn’t meet my wife until I was 35. I was confident, in great shape and had money. I took care of my mental health and body as well as I could, tried to be kind and generous… raised my standards for a partner as well (like I learned what I really wanted, it wasn’t something like a big butt but more intelligent and kind).

    It was a great time because I was investing in making myself a better person and taking joy in the process. Women responded very positively to that.

24. it’s good.

25. If the house is on fire, then leave.

    Just be aware that it is cold outside.

    Edit: Don’t date just to get over someone, or for some kind of revenge or whatever. That won’t work.

26. I think it’s a matter of perspective, and location.

    When I take care of myself, I have a more realistic and healthier view on my self and life in general- and that lets me be in a better place and time for all kinds of interactions.

27. 35 year old male, divorced, no kids. Average in terms of looks, have my own house, my own car, a good job. Im sociable, outgoing, kind hearted, i have hobbies, and a good friend group. I know this probably gives off “nice guy” vibes but i swear im not like that lol, i only mention these things about myself because these are usually some of the things people consider as “desirable qualities”, at least on paper. Ive been on dates with women as young as 26 and as old as 42. In my personal experience ive found that in terms of the women ive been on dates with, those on the younger end of the spectrum tend to lose interest quickly and the women on the older end tend to come off as desperate and clingy way too fast. The very few women that i actually felt a connection with ended in disaster and heartbreak. Perhaps its the area of the country i live in that limits my potential dating pool, or the fact that im just average in terms of attractiveness, or even the fact that i choose not to date single mothers (which are incredibly common at this age range)… Maybe its a combination of all three, but my personal experience with dating in my 30s has been far less than stellar. Id be curious to hear the details surrounding those that say dating in their 30s has been a good experience. Not talking shit about them at all or denying that its possible, just genuinely curious about their personal circumstances and their opinion on why dating in their 30s has been great for them.

28. 30s no if near a major urban city, but finding early 40s to be pretty bad.

29. You need to understand something–most of the time, people post on social media when they are unhappy about their situation. People who are happy are far less likely to post anything at all (and, if you think about it, it would be kind of weird for someone to post, “I have such a great life with my partner and we are so happy together!”). So, the negatives are vastly over-represented in online forums.

    The next thing you need to know is that, you should be happy with yourself and your life and your hobbies. THEN, when you look for a partner, look for someone who wants to share that life with you. When you are happy and lead a fulfilling life, you will attract people who are interested in the life you have. The polar-opposite of that is: no one is interested in the life of someone whose entire existence is the 9-to-5 grind punctuated by a few hours of TV or video games before going to bed to repeat the same process day after day after day.

    Finally, do not compromise. If you have achieved the life you want and enjoy, then do not settle for someone who would make you change or make you give up any of those things. As I said, the person should want to share the life you offer not take over and make you build a new one.

    Good luck!

30. Depends where you are at, it isn’t that bad dating pool wise. However, dating itself is a total crapshoot.

31. I’m 34. I strongly disagree with the highly up-voted replies in this thread. I find dating shallow, depressing and unsatisfying. Entering into a long term relationship is extremely difficult.

    I think you’ve got massive selection bias going on here – people like positivity, and people like contradicting negativity, and they can do both by replying to you saying “nah, man, it’s fantastic!”

    But in reality, I think for a lot of people it’s just like dating at any other time: If you’re really, really attractive (like top 10%), it’s fantastic. Otherwise, it’s lonely and frustrating. And honestly I think that goes for all genders.

32. You have to have self confidence, I think. When you’re younger and desperate for a date, you can sometimes get lucky and get with somebody who isn’t looking to take advantage of your desperation and is looking to “give you a chance.” As you get older, that pool of good will gets drained, *but* it works the other way around as well. As long as you can stay confident and stick to your boundaries, you can better filter for mature partners who are ready for what you’re looking for instead of “giving somebody a chance.”

33. Depends. Is OP in a big city?

34. Single by choice. I suppose it’s not terrible.

35. Na I have a girlfriend now but like,I did real well in my 30s. Woman are more confident and your better at seeing that.

36. Had a blast being single in my early and mid thirties. In a relationship now (36) and was in one for a year from 32-33 but in the time I was single I had a blast playing the field and attracting younger women. Lots of free time to relax and figure out what you really want also.

37. I found dating in my 30s to be a wasteland, but enjoyed it otherwise. My 20s I spent mostly in relationships, so it was liberating to be on my own for once. And I was able to get over a lot of psychological hurdles about what I “should” be doing with my life. This is also a decade where you’re (hopefully) at the prime of your health, so don’t take that for granted!