So i don’t really know if this is the appropriate sub for this but I thought it might be. Anyway, I have some pretty big trust issues. Mostly when it comes to me bf. Not that he did anything that would make me worry but I had an ex that cheated on me and it left a pretty big scar. Plus he has a female friend that I’m 100% sure he’d never hook up with but she likes to have a lot of sex with a lot of different people (not shaming, she’s said herself that sex for her is like a hobby and not really about intimacy. I don’t know why but that kind of intimidates me???)
What doesn’t help is that she’s his main emotional support (besides me) and so with any relationship problems he’d go to her. All of which is okay, because I’d got to my best friend with relationships problems too.
But still, I find myself looking through post of people in our general age range posting about planning to leave their partner or wanting to cheat and my mind immediately goes to „that must be him“ until the post mentions something that makes it obviously not him(like a different job etc).
Obviously I don’t enjoy that. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. Because I’ve talked to him and I’ve talked to her and I’m 100% sure he’d never do anything and at least 98% sure she’d never try anything. But my mind just can’t rest :/
I just want to know how I can let go of my past hurt, because phrases like „oh he’s your bf and only her friend for a reason“ or „he’d be dating her if he really wanted her“ don’t work anymore to calm me down.
3 comments
Is there some reason you might *want* to hold on to this feeling?
Ok let me tell you something I’ve had to work so hard to get through the same trust issues as you. My last 2 exes left me for another woman and both married these women a few months after leaving me, one of those got engaged to her whilst still with me. I have major trust issues. I stayed single for years but now I’m with someone I completely 100% trust. Yes I worry he’s going to leave me for another woman, that he’ll find someone better than me, I sometimes feel like I’m the woman before the guy finds the one he wants. I get really insecure, I suffer with anxiety and depression and I have it in my head he’s going to find someone more prettier or better then me.
The way I deal with it is that I can’t let my new relationship be tarnished by the past. The past is in the past, this guy aren’t my exes. This guy is someone different, he hasn’t given me a reason not to trust him, he treats me right and manages to calm my insecurities. If I keep letting my past experience get to me then one day it’ll make me push someone really nice away. The way I now see it is if someone is going to cheat then there’s nothing I can do to stop them. I can be the most perfect girlfriend that they want and they still cheat (proof is in my history!) if they cheat I will leave and clearly that guy isn’t worth my time if he cheats. It’s hard but you have to find something that gives you peace otherwise you’ll drive yourself crazy!!
Therapy. Everything you said can be distilled down to: I trust him 100% but I still feel insecure about our relationship because I was hurt badly in the past.
You fix those kinds of emotional wounds in therapy.