For context, we are both on health journeys. She started hers about a week or two after I started mine. Her health journeys isn’t for weight loss as she’s already the ideal BMI, whereas mine is for weight loss. However, she’s being really weird about it all. Unannounced, she’ll send me pictures of her abs (which makes me v uncomfortable) and anytime she talks about weight loss from her new health diet, she always makes an odd comment on “oh I’m not fat shaming you btw when I talk about my weight loss and how slim I’m getting.” I just get so confused because I didn’t think she was but now that it’s happened like 20 times I feel like there may be undertones of something going on. There have been weird things between us in the past (i.e. trying to seduce my exes lol) but I do have a disorder that makes it hard to read between the lines with social cues so it’s hard to tell what’s what at times and I miss a lot of things. Also, she keeps sending me pictures of her meals/smoothies and there’s only so many “ooos, ahhhs, nice, looks good” I can send because there’s nothing exciting about the image. It just looks like health food and 50% of it honestly looks kinda gross but I want to be supportive. However it gets kinda annoying because if I don’t seem excited enough about it, she’ll make some sort of remark about how she eats so much better than me like we’re in a competition. It’s v confusing.
TLDR: I’d like solutions for responding to weirdly aggressive fitness remarks/pictures. I don’t want to see her abs or food anymore. I don’t know how to respond to her pictures and I feel like its some sort of test. All of this has been making me v uneasy but idk how to address it with her bc any time I ever confront her she throws a fit and finds some way to insult me.
Thank you so much taking the time to read this. I appreciate any advice thrown my way because I’m at a loss.
3 comments
Sometimes, you have to draw a line with people in your life, even family. Do so over text if conversations in person become fits.
“Hey sister. That’s a cool looking meal you sent me. I have to tell you, I’m struggling in my own journey right now, and it’s hard for me to not get into my own comparisons with you in it. While I love and support you in your health journey, it would be best for me if we don’t talk about each other’s diets/meals/bodies/workouts with each other. Please don’t send me any more pictures of that stuff or messages about it.”
From there, you’ll need to draw a line. If she keeps doing it, just don’t respond. Delete the photo. Delete the message. Do not engage about any of it. If she corners you into talking about it in person, just say “I have told you that’s not a topic of conversation I want to have, and I need you to respect that.”
If she keeps pushing, this might be an ugly part of her that you just need to distance yourself from her generally in life. Because if she can’t respect you here, she’s going to want to compete over your future plans, jobs, kids, etc. And that’s unhealthy. In short, draw a line. If she keeps bringing toxicity into your life, distance yourself completely.
It’s not hard to see that she’s been triggered by your weight loss and she’s feeling insecure. My guess is that she’s constructed some portion of her identity around being the thin sister, and you’ve threatened that. This is dangerous ground where things like eating disorders live.
If you want her to stop, you need to tell her to stop. You don’t need to justify or explain. “Please stop sending me pictures of your food and abs.” Keeps doing it? “I asked you to stop sending me these.”
best to ignore or not engage w her.
good luck on your fitness journey!!