I (F18) have been with my boyfriend (M19) for 9-10 months now. He is my absolute best friend, and I adore him more than anything. We have an amazing relationship and I genuinely see and want him by my side in the future. He’s already a year ahead of me and in college, but he commutes and lives at home to save money so our relationship isn’t affected by his schooling. We see each other almost every day, and I even often spend the night at his house on weekends. We even work together (which is how we started dating in the first place.) I also feel the need to clarify we do take time for ourselves and aren’t codependent: we genuinely just like spending time with each other. I do have some attachment issues/anxiety (thanks to childhood) but nothing detrimental.
I am a bit worried though because I’m going to college about two hours from where we live. I can still easily see him probably once a week or so, and I planned even before dating him to visit home frequently since I’m very close to my mom and I’m gonna miss her like crazy. But we’re both going to be so busy, and I don’t want to neglect our relationship in college. I genuinely feel like he’s the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. He’s driven, loving, responsible, and supportive. For example, from day 1 he has encouraged me to reach for my dreams and commit to my dream school, even though he is going to miss me and not get to see me as much. I have never felt so respected and seen by another person in my entire life. Not seeing him, especially when I already see him so frequently, is going to be really hard. I want to focus on my life in college and take advantage but I don’t want to feel like our relationship is being neglected either. I’m worried I won’t want to leave college frequently to drive home like I intend to or that I’m gonna be miserable and want to drive home and see him all the time.
He’s planning on transferring to a university about an hour closer to where I’ll be at college his junior year, so we’ll only be two hours apart for a year or so hopefully. He’s also likely going to graduate before I do, and he has discussed the possibility of moving to my college town with me while I finish school.
I know that if our relationship can survive this, it’s meant to last. He’s not worried at all, and has been extremely reassuring about how he “chooses” me and is confident our relationship will work even if it will be difficult. But how do I not get so anxious about it? What can I do to give our relationship the best chance at surviving while also taking advantage of my college experience?
TLDR: I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend, and I’m worried about how our relationship will play out once I move to college two hours away.
2 comments
There’s not much to say. At 18/19, it could go in any direction.
It seems like both of you are being very mature and patient regarding the relationship, which is a lot better than most people your age.
The reality is, people change a lot through their teens/twenties. Its impossible to anticipate that change. All you can do is communicate and just keep things going.
Honestly, I wouldnt worry too much about the relationship “surviving.” The last thing you want is to focus on something “not failing.” That makes everything inherently negative and probably increases anxiety. You’re much better off focusing on the positive aspects, while having the realistic understanding that it may not last forever…in which case, you need to make the most of the time you are together. In my mind, thats a lot more fun, and positive.
One of my biggest suggestions is to make sure that both of you don’t neglect your IRL non-long distance friendships. You need to have a social life at college, and he needs to have a social life where he is, too. When too much of your life is invested in your long distance partner, it can create situations where you’re waiting around for him to be available and wind up resenting him for having other things to do (or vice versa). This also makes sure you both have a cushion in the event that the distance proves to be too much (or your relationship naturally falls apart and distance isn’t a factor).