Need quick advice? Ask here! We know you might have a date this weekend that is one your mind. Ask away.

28 comments

  1. Have a crush on a new guy friend. We’ve hanged out 6 times, dinners, lunches, walks. Not making out yet. He’s 7 years younger than me and doesn’t know it . Unsure if he likes me too, terrified to tell him or make a move..

  3. So there is a guy I have been talking to, going on dates with, we’re not exclusive. I’m finishing up my degree & working on studying for admission tests. I’ve told him my capacity which is not a heck of a lot.

    He wanted me to come over to his house, I told him I have a paper due so probably won’t happen. He called me tonight utterly tanked trying to convince me to just come over tomorrow.

    I’ve been more than clear that we’re not a long term romantic fit. But now I’m not longer interested in even casually dating.

    Any suggested ways for me to say this? Because all the ways that I’m thinking of at the moment are rather prickly & harsh.

  4. Is a sporting event too much for a first date?

    I’ve (31M) been talking to a woman (30F) and I was going to suggest grabbing a beer and then hitting up a hockey game after, but I don’t want it to seem like too much for a first date.

    Thoughts?

  5. NEXT TIME (hopefully there’s not a next time), how do I exit a terrible date faster? (I know, I know—the answer is go with your gut and don’t accept a date in the first place if you have a feeling it’s going to be a waste of time, even if you don’t have a lot of good reasons why.)

    But… can you just stand up abruptly and say you’re sorry but you have to go? And just peace out? I was sitting there seriously wishing I felt like it was okay to be that blunt.

    I mean, he seemed like a nice, well-meaning guy, but… he just monologued for almost two solid hours about past failed relationships and what he’s looking for in a new relationship (I mean, okay, but), and how much he still believes in love and has so much to offer someone.

    I just couldn’t. I was falling asleep. I stopped really following what he was even saying. It wasn’t a conversation so much as a TED talk.

    I started obviously checking my phone to see what time it was and making comments about needing to get going. I did that for half an hour before I could finally end the date without dramatically interrupting the dear diary podcast.

    ugh.

  6. He came over to visit me abroad 2 days early, so my time to think about how to end things was cut short.

    We ended up having a really good time and a lot of fun together. He’s really into me. But it’s not mutual, I’m less into him than he’s into me.

    Good god I hate this type of situation, I feel so guilty and I don’t know how to break it off.

  7. Been on 4 dates with this shy, passive guy and recently slept together twice. I believe he likes me too. The only problem is we only text when we make plans to meet next. (My friends all think it’s unusual) I brought up his texting habit and he said he’s always like that. I’m a very shy and passive girl myself too. Yet I’m happy with the pace now (Although also worried it will turn into fwb) . how do I get to progress with him? Like maybe text or meet more frequent ? We see each other once a week in past 1 month.

  8. I’m back back back with another update on my post airport pickup rollercoaster. I finally snapped last night and couldn’t take sitting with the uncertainty of not knowing how he was feeling. The odd pulling back behavior went on for about a week. So last night I texted him and said I was feeling upset and asked if he had time to talk this weekend.

    We ended up texting and talking on the phone. Turns out he was feeling like things escalated after having sex and he got scared. I definitely think the comment here about the anxious-avoidant dance was spot on because he said I was making him feel anxious and wanting to withdrawal.

    Overall I thought the conversation was productive. We’re taking until next Friday to not talk so we can both have some space. I feel good about this decision because until now, I’ve felt the choices to make were his. Now they feel like mine too.

    I’m very impressed he was able to communicate his feelings. But I’m also hurt he didn’t really try that hard to take care of mine when I expressed how he made me feel hurt. Very confusing. I’m wondering how I’ll feel in a week.

  9. Was asked if I want to stay over at my dates place tonight. Dumbest question… but do I pack a bag…? Clothes and toothbrush? Or just bare minimum contact solution and like underwear?

  10. i had a guy i was chatting with ask me out this weekend, but then requested my instagram first because he’s gone out with “several people lately who were unrecognizable from their photos.” like, while i understand why he would ask that, i told him honestly that i only give social media out after i’ve known someone for a while. i used to give it out before i met up with people but now i have a chunk of followers who i either never met up with or saw once and declined to go on a second date. the question makes it seem like he’s primarily interested in appearances as well. his profile also is a little bland.

    plus, the only questions we clashed on (and there are like 40 out of 200) are sex-related: he answered yes to questions like ‘have you ever lied to a sexual partner’ or ‘would you date someone just for the sex.’ i’m just getting kind of a bad vibe from him

    also in the bajillion people i’ve gone out with, i’ve only not been asked on a second date twice and i’ve certainly never been told they i use inaccurate photos

  13. Which apps do you use and why?

    I was on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and Hinge. I finally deleted Tinder and I’m looking to cut out at least one other, preferably two, but I don’t want to shoot myself in the foot. So I’m curious, which app(s) do you use and why? Eg. Why do you think the one you use is different/more effective?

  15. At the risk of sounding mildly arrogant, I found dating during my 20’s to be quite effortless – I’d always have girlfriends/casual partners ect. Now I’m in my 30’s, I can’t even get a 2nd date (15 first dates this year alone). I’ve even dropped my standards quite drastically, but still nothing. Has anyone else experienced anything similar? I know dating in your 30’s is meant to be a lot harder, but I didn’t really expect this. This seems to be more than just an unlucky streak. It’s quite concerning tbh.

  17. I am talking to a woman (F33) on Bumble. The weird thing is she just doesn’t seem interested at all, but keeps responding to my texts as if she is. I even asked her out and she agreed (we haven’t met due to her work and COVID rules.) I’ll ask her a question, she answers, and just… Never asks me anything back. I asked her “If you had unlimited money to make any art you wanted, what would you make?” and all she said was “ooh umm haha.” Has anyone else had a similar experience?

  18. The guy I’m dating and I are taking a break from talking until Friday. I’m having a hard time trying to feel out of this is going to work. I don’t know if I’m blowing it.

    I waited about 5 weeks to have sex with him. After we did, he got scared and not only pulled back but pushed me away. He kept saying nice things like he liked me and missed me when he was gone. But he kept changing dates and then cancelled once. And then played with my emotions by telling me to not pick him up at the airport and then saying it was ok.

    I’m so confused. He’s busy and I want to be supportive of him. I’m trying but my feelings are getting hurt in the process. This is on top of him being scared.

    I’m scared this isn’t going to work out. I feel bad I let my emotions escalate so much after sex. He’s the first person I had sex with after getting sober and the first person I liked mutually after my breakup a year ago and it was a huge deal to me. Now I just feel like an idiot.

  19. Hi need help processing this! So I’ve (F30) been seeing this guy (M36) on and off and yesterday things moved swiftly and we decided to go for it. It was our first time, I was quite anxious and I could tell that he was really excited to finally move towards sex (in a good way) we talked about my anxieties, and moved forward. As excited and interested we both were, he wasn’t aroused? We tried a couple of things and then eventually gave up. It was all good later we laughed it off to just the stress and we were also laughing quite a bit.

    Honestly, I’m not sure if I’ll see him again (he mentioned that it was the first time that it happened to him etc etc).

    My question is – if I do. How can I help the situation?

    I realised that maybe I was too anxious and probably should have had the talk outside the bedroom. And I’m finally in a secure place to know that it’s not a reflection of me or how I look etc etc.

    But I’m just wondering.

    TL;DR
    1. We finally decided to hook up and he wasn’t aroused.
    2. Potentially could be because I was anxious and he had a long day at work.
    3. If I do meet him again, what can I do to make this better?

    Thank you so much!

  20. warning, vent ahead

    while i feel totally over missing/the romantic feelings i had for the guy i had been dating for a month, i’m still fucking annoyed that he ghosted me. i spent the night at his place last saturday and i will never see him again.

    we explicitly had conversations about how OLD kind of sucks in that it can kind of encourage people to bail and move onto the next person when things feel even a little bit hard. except that’s then exactly what he did to me. so honestly, he’s the last person i would expect to ghost me.

    last saturday he admitted he had been acting distant and contradictory for a few days because he was annoyed i canceled a videochat wednesday, after we had made plans to hang out in person but then canceled on me when he had an early work meeting scheduled the following morning and suggesting videochat instead. that’s also when i re enabled my okcupid and saw he was still active (technically above board since we never had an exclusivity conversation but in combination with the other things felt bad.)

    on sunday, i brought up that his hesitance in the prior week and wanting to hang out max once a week didn’t feel great to me but that i was open to having a conversation about it and try to understand where he’s coming from better, and he just never responded. i texted him two more times over last week and he never responded and then he blocked me on okcupid yesterday after i told him ghosting was hurtful and that it costs nothing to send a single text like ‘i’m not interested anymore.’ like, kindness is free

    but how much more can i filter peoples profiles than saying they’re looking for a LTR/value communication highly/are in therapy? maybe that’s like his ideal of how he’d be but not his reality. so he can tell his freaking therapist that he ghosts people.

    i’m on good terms with 90% of the people i’ve dated/met from OLD so i’m not thrilled that he and i ended so poorly when really nothing that negative happened besides me expressing that he seemed like he was on a slower timeline than i was and it’s kind of hard to bond with people after you’ve been seeing each other for a while but only hang out once a week

    anyway, now i’m like nitpicking tiny things about him/i think it’s something my brain does to get over people. like when i’m dating someone i feel positively and look for all their good qualities (the halo effect), i work with what they have going on, i’m all in, but then when they’re mean or shitty to me all the negative qualities predominate. there’s this meme called “bitch eating crackers” that’s like, when you dislike someone everything they do is annoying to you, like look at that bitch over there eating crackers like she owns the place

  22. I’ve been matching with some really great people and having some great experiences. I’m really nervous/scared about being physically intimate again but I also don’t want to keep people at arm’s length. Any thoughts on how to navigate physical expectations? ugh.

  24. I’m in my late 30s, 2 years out of a divorce (15 year relationship, married for the last 7). During that time I’ve gone to therapy, done a lot of self-reflection, and developed healthy habits.

    I feel like I’m ready to go back out there, but have no idea how to date or even approach women.

    People who were in a similar situation, do you have any advice?

  25. https://imgur.com/a/eITZDK6

    Here’s my Hinge profile. I rearranged the photos to display my closeup first. Quite a few people match with me, and message me, so that’s not the problem.

    I got out of a LTR a few months ago. My former fiance and I met on Tinder about 4 years ago. However, I was only on Tinder for a week before I met her.

    My issue is I chat with people, but the conversation goes nowhere (to be expected). What’s more surprising is people ghost me after I suggest we meet up for a walk at a park or meet for coffee. We chat for a few days, they ask me a lot of questions about myself, but then they ghost after I suggest we meet up.

    Am I missing something? I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I’m honestly confused.

  27. I am getting the most attention than I have ever had from men after ditching my glasses for contacts lol

  28. Input wanted.

    I went on a date over a month ago which I tried to arrange a 2nd date but got a reply 5 days later then silence again after that. Now almost a month later I get a text with an apology for taking so long to reply back and didn’t want me think she ghosted but that shes not sure if shes ready to date but hopes we can reconnect & keep in touch. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN for a month no response I even deleted the number after a week of not hearing anything as it appeared there was no interest and now I get this text about reconnecting but not ready to date? Its bothering me now for some reason.

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