I’ve been friends with my best friend since we were 17. We live in different towns, so seeing her is always a treat. I love her a lot and she’s gotten me through some tough times. We don’t tend to spend enough time together for me to start getting irritated with some of the comments she makes, but it’s been happening more frequently recently.
She comes from an extremely wealthy family, both parents are well respected professionals in their respective fields, and she’s had everything she’s ever wanted. She isn’t spoilt, but she definitely has been privileged. She’s been able to follow her career choice because her parents were able to fund her in the beginning, which is amazing and I’m glad she’s able to do so. I’ve sort of had it the opposite way, I’ve been homeless three times, no idea who my dad is and my mom is in and out of the psych ward. My job pays really poorly, my credit score is terrible and I’m one missed pay check away from being buried by debt. It has always been like this for me, so it’s not exactly awful until the awfulness of it is highlighted.
There’s been odd times where I’ve expressed how I’m feeling mentally with my financial stress, and she’s told me how to split my earnings to save; even after I’ve explained to her that I don’t even make a living wage at the moment. Another time, she said ‘how do you run out of money so quickly! We had the same amount of money a week ago’. I tried to explain that I paid rent, bills, taxes, bought groceries, and it was met with a response that made me feel like I was spending too much somehow. It’s like I try to explain and it doesn’t compute in her head that there is physically nothing I can do at this moment to stop being poor.
I understand that it’s hard to comprehend when you’ve never lived that way but I don’t see why I should be the only one with empathy in this situation. How do I get this message across to her? And is there any way I can change my way of thinking about this?
TL;DR privileged best friend doesn’t understand poverty
1 comment
Offer to switch places with her for a month. /s
But realistically, I’d say that there is very little you can do. Financially privileged people aren’t even aware of the depths of the struggle, and how even basic choices (“do I treat myself to a pizza this month”) can be tough.
If it really becomes an annoyance, I’d make it clear to her that discussing money isn’t the best for your friendship right now. OR have her give you a dollar each time she brings the subject of money up.
Or just make her fall in love with you, divorce her and split the dough.