TLDR; ex says he’s not wrong for talking to someone else while wanting to see if we could work out again
My ex husband & I recently started hooking up recently. We agreed not to sleep with other people. He eventually said he would like to see if things could work between us. The reason I divorced him was infidelity and narcissistic abuse. I didn’t think I wanted to be with him again but him saying that made me want to see what he would do to try to get me back. Well the other day I found out he has been talking to another girl. But nothing sexual. That hurt me. Because if he truly wanted me back especially after everything he has done to me he would fight for me. When I told him how it hurt me to hear about him talking to another girl he said he would stop if that’s what I wanted. But when I asked why he would he even be talking to someone when trying to get me back. And he said it’s for backup incase he can’t win me back. And he thinks there is nothing wrong with that. He says why shouldn’t he have a backup incase he doesn’t get me back so he’s not stuck being alone.But to me that’s insane. I feel like if I did everything he did to me during our time together and I wanted to work things out after our divorce I would do everything in my power to win him back and I definitely wouldn’t even think about other people. What do y’all think of his reasoning?
10 comments
In love there’s no B plan, it’s like to be or not to be.
That’s mean your ex husband not sure he can do it really
You know he’s an abuser. Why are you surprised that he’s thinking purely about what is best for him?
Please don’t go back to him. He is not sincere and is being defensive of his behaviour. There will be similar recurrence in the future when he isn’t even remorseful.
You’re surprised that a narcissistic abuser and cheater has a side chick that’s apparently his backup? And thinks it’s perfectly normal? If you’re really surprised then you’ve learnt nothing from this experience
>I didn’t think I wanted to be with him again but him
saying that made me want to see what he would do to try to get me back.
Stop just stop right there. Get away from that man and towards a therapist’s office
100% no. He cheated on you and is a narcissist. Narcissists. Do. Not. Change. He is an ex for a reason. Ever watch that movie “he’s just not that into you”? He is playing you. Respect yourself and be with someone who wants to be with just you. Enough is enough.
What are you doing? Why are you going back to your abuser? There’s other guys out there too. If you’ve actually managed to get out of an abusive relationship, why tf would you shit all over that and go back to him now? Seek some therapy, you obviously haven’t processed the divorce properly and stay alone for a while until you’ve worked through what you need to work through. Your ex hasn’t changed a bit, don’t be delusional.
The most important thing to remember is that the problems that existed before *still exist*. No matter how much you hope they can change, it’s *extremely* unlikely to happen. You left, you had a reason, *that reason still exists*.
I understand your feeling, but *you cannot win back something you didn’t have in the first place*. You may have his physical presence at times, but you have *never* had his loyalty. He wasn’t yours before and he is clearly unwilling to now, cut him loose, spend some time learning to really love yourself, and find someone who is as all-in as you are. He’s not it.
People don’t change.
You are choosing to hook up with him knowing you haven’t done the work to address why you’re attracted to abusive people.
The broken record is being put on repeat again. You’ll continue to repeat this behaviour until you learn to heal whatever issues from your childhood have lead you to be attracted to abusive people.
What wrong are you trying to right by constantly repeating the cycle?
I have some exciting news: other single men exist! And almost none of them are narcissists!
In all seriousness, stay away from this guy. If you haven’t already, try to get into therapy to process the abuse he subjected you to.
Narcissism does not change. It goes into hiding when they want something from you. Like sex from multiple women, and you are just one of them.
geez. You made a great decision when you dumped him so stick to it.