I’m 26F. I am quite a late boomer. I only started dating in past two years. In my teens and early 20’s I was quite shy, awkward and nerdy. I didn’t really needed dating much, my goal was to get into a good uni and have a career. Despite being shy I had a good group of friends and be used go go out a lot. I never really met someone who would like me or show my any interest but I didn’t really needed it. But in past few years I feel that I wand a relationship. A lot of friends are getting married or have strong relationship. We don’t meet as often as we used and I feel often quite lonely. I’ve tried a lot of dating in past years but mostly on dating apps, but it still leads to nowhere. I kind of feel sick of it and I want to take a break for a while. I want to be learn to be happy alone, but it’s hard. I do work a lot, have some hobbies and a few friends left. But it’s hard to see other people happy relationships and it gets even more lonelier when after hard day you come home and you’re alone, no one really cares much about you and no one waits for you. I want to find that inner happiness but it’s hard. Any advices?
8 comments
I think more people struggle with this than you realize. And being in a relationship doesn’t automatically solve the issue. There are some truly lonely people in relationships.
There are no easy answers. Finding contentment in who you are and what you have is a start. But even then, that can be difficult. Because there’s often a disparity in how we feel versus reality. This is something I continue to struggle with.
I suggest writing out what your goals and intentions would be towards this relationship. Then, once you know what you’re aiming for – strive each day to become the best version of yourself for that relationship when it comes to be.
For me, personally, what helped was being alone and learning to be with myself.
Let me explain. Personally, I always hated myself and had very low self-esteem about myself, and just over a year ago, I started reading about human psychology and self-improvement, beginning with the mental training and it helped to slowly become the myself I wanted to be. Thanks to a friend of mine as well, I picked up a hobby, which I love, astrophotography, which allowed me to find awesome places where it was just me and stars and that feeling of being alone just is so awesome sometimes because you can think slowly without anyone interrupting.
Sorry, summing up, in my opinion, learn to be with yourself and see positives in that. I’m always happy to chat. My PMs are open if you want to discuss or find out more.
First work on yourself. You have typical FOMO + you need substitute for your default time of social interaction. Go to therapist and ask him if my theory is right, beacuse im not proffesional and if its he should have skills to help you
Make yourself busy. Do hard work. Improve whatever do you for living. Once you starting putting your efforts together you won’t have time to deal with this shit.
These thoughts only come when we are not doing anything. Start something and if already started, start working hard.
For me it was getting a cat and renewing my gym membership. It’s all in the little things. Be kind to yourself first and foremost.
26M and been single for a while now, so maybe we’re in the same boat? But i have a pretty varied friend circle and have plans weekly to meet with them. After a while, i kind of just noticed that I’m doing alright. Sure, a relationship would be nice, but I’m still enjoying myself otherwise. I always have something to look forward to. Maybe even go out with a friend and put an effort to dress well and look good. I find the interactions i have with strangers are often more pleasant when i feel good about what i wear, and that feeling carries on a bit.
Focus on generating oxycotycin. It’s the pleasant hormone that is released when we pet an animal, skin to skin touch or hug someone.