TL;Dr What can I (24F) do to help myself with coming to terms that my first actual relationship is not working due to my partner’s ( 22 M) inexperience in life and lack of dicipline, no boundaries and very low self-esteem ?
We are both freshmen, studying different majors, and the reason we started dating was cause he was obsessed with me (or idea of having a gf) and wouldn’t stop dm-ing, and I found his stubbornness cute at first, just to realise that he is in-fact limerencing over me.
I appreciate his good heart but sometimes I find myself teaching him manners/respect and playing a parent-like role.
He is the only child of a single-narcissistic (per his words) mother and I am tired of making excuses for his behaviour and my unfulfilment.
He is seeking therapy after he a threw a tantrum that ended up hurting me to an emotional numbness… yet I still feel like it is not fair that Ive worked on myself before taking on a relationship while he hasn’t. He does not view this as a problem as he is willing to work on himself.
Is it fair that he gets to drag down the version of me that I’ve worked hard for while he is presenting to me an ungrown version of himself ?
My GPA did not turn out so well over the first simester as I was trying to also maintain this relationship but unlike him…he failed all his courses!! I am failing to understand a lot of things.
My goal in a relationship is partnership, marriage and becoming a mother but I don’t know if he can bring anything to the table by the time we graduate.
( I also enjoy healthy amount of solitude while he can’t stand being on his own).
I’ve grown hopeless when it comes to relationships from what I’ve seen in my family but I chose to give this a shot to see where it takes us, maybe his stubbornness gave me some reassurance at the beginning.
He is attentive to a certain extend and is caring but the above mentioned is becoming too heavy on me.
2 comments
Lol no you won’t always have to because it’s bs. Leave him until he actually does the work and then decide. Cause my bet is that he’ll just find someone willing to put up with it. It’s 2023. We are no longer raising men and being their therapist. It’s time for them to raise themselves if their parents failed. You shouldn’t be teaching him MANNERS of all things. Parent teaching or not, this man has seen movies, tv shows, books etc he knows wtf manners are. He was choosing not to use them until you made it a problem that he had to care about.
Girl you are not this man’s mama. He’s an immature sex pest. He needs to work on himself. You can NOT do all the emotional labor in the relationship. I get that it’s flattering to be pursued so ardently but he is quite literally messing with your FUTURE! You are in school to get an education and presumably get a great job in your chosen field. Your grades were effected! If that continues you could lose valuable connections due to your poor or middling grades. Some graduates get in touch with their former professors for recommendations. Nobody recommends the student who has average grades.
So I think you should break it off with guy. And be as clear as possible that unless he shows *consistent* change for at least a 6 month minimum you won’t take him back. If he’s going to be persistent, then block him. You are not being cruel or hateful. You are a person that wants a partner not an immature person person that wants you to be his mommy.