My partner and I have been together for about 6 months. This is the most caring, loving relationship I’ve experienced. We have the same values and have built a solid foundation through discussing boundaries and prioritizing communication. They tell me pretty frequently how committed they are to me and other affectionate things along those lines.
At least three times they’ve described to me encounters they’ve had with people flirting with them. Their roommate’s friends, older women at bars, family friends. On one hand, I appreciate them trusting me enough to be honest with me. I want them to feel like they can tell me about all the details of their day. On the other, I don’t want to hear about people trying to pursue my partner because it makes me feel hurt and jealous. I’m just not sure if this is an insecurity I need to deal with on my own or something that I should bring up with them. If I do bring it up, I’m worried I’ll make them feel like they’re walking on eggshells when they talk to me. I’m just struggling to understand why they would tell me all the details of these flirtatious encounters. In my mind, I’m thinking, “what are they trying to achieve by doing that?”
I do struggle with self-esteem and attachment issues and I’m currently in therapy. My previous relationship was filled with a lot of jealousy and a lack of communication on both sides. Am I projecting these experiences onto what’s currently happening?
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TLDR: My partner tells me about all the people that flirt with them when we/they go out. It bothers me and makes me jealous. Is this an insecurity I need to overcome (I am in therapy working on anxiety and self-esteem) or something that I should set a boundary on?
1 comment
I hear that you’re insecure, but I think your line of thought ‘what are they trying to achieve,’ is a bit unfair for you to ascribe to the person you describe as your loving partner. Presumably they’re just sharing about things that happened to them that feel relevant.
Yes, you need to communicate with your partner if you’re feeling uncomfortable. If you don’t want to hear about people flirting with them, tell them.