During my freshman year of college, I (M20) became close friends with someone. The two of us, along with a mutual friend (M20) and his childhood friend, decided to move in together during our sophomore year. Things went well until about a month in, when they suddenly stopped talking to me. They even organized a meeting to discuss the issue. Looking back, I can admit that I was a bit annoying and kind of a jerk at the time, but nothing too terrible. They have all said that I’m better now and we are friends again, like nothing ever happened. (my friend even has told me before drunk that it was too harsh) It’s been years since then and my friend and I have done lots of things together, but lately, I can’t stop thinking about the six months we lived together and how they completely ignored me. For example, if they were all hanging out in the main room, I would have to climb out my window to leave our place so I wouldn’t have to talk to them. And when my (now ex) girlfriend came to visit me, he complained and told us to be invisible, despite the fact that he was always loud with people and women. There are many more things I could mention, but you get the idea.
Now, I’m moving to a new city for law school and we have some festivals planned, but I’m not sure if I want to continue hanging out with this person because of what happened in the past as it’s been over 2 years (Both 22 now). We’ve had some amazing times since then, but lately, all I can think about is how they treated me. Do you have any suggestions on how I can move forward?
TL;DR: Two years ago my friend and other roommates decided they didn’t want to be friends with me any more and ignored my existence for six months even while i lived with them. I have done many great things with my friend since the period but lately it’s all I can think about when I see them. We have lots of things planned for this summer, but I am graduating college and moving cities this summer as well. Should I cut them off or just learn to live with it?
3 comments
Why are you still caught up in the past? People make mistakes.
If you cant move past something that happened years ago, then you should move on from that person. Otherwise, what exactly are you doing? Because hanging with a guy you have a problem with isnt really a good idea.
It also sounds like you guys havent properly talked about it. Thats probably step 1.
Have you tried bringing up your concerns with your friend? They may not even realize how much their actions hurt you.
>they suddenly stopped talking to me. They even organized a meeting to discuss the issue.
>I can admit that I was a bit annoying and kind of a jerk at the time, but nothing too terrible.
Maybe you were more of an asshole than you think. There’s always a discrepancy between how we perceive our own actions (because we have the benefit of knowing our intentions), and how others do (because they can’t peek into our brains — they only see how we act).
Even if your friend said that it may have been “too harsh” a reaction from them, time dulls the intensity of emotions: while they may consider it “too harsh” now, back then your behavior could’ve been bad enough to push them to the limit. Plus, now you’re all getting along again and you became better, but if you weren’t and you hadn’t, they probably wouldn’t be thinking of the intervention as “too harsh”.
>I would have to climb out my window to leave our place so I wouldn’t have to talk to them.
Even this is really weird. You say they completely ignored you…but you had to jump out the window to avoid them talking to you? Which is it? Because it can’t be both at the same time.
If you’re moving away, you can either stop talking to them and end it like that, or you could talk to them again about how you feel they treated you. Idk, if you’ve been resenting them for so long, I don’t see how anything they could say would make you feel better about it or persuade you to keep them as friends. Odds are that the friendship would fade anyway if you’re moving away.