we’ve been dating for a couple of months and i usually give him head every other time we are together.
i asked him a little while ago to go down on me and he said no because he just ‘doesn’t like it’. he said there’s no reason, he just simply doesn’t want to do it. i told him that that’s ok, but i don’t really like giving head either, and i do it because he likes it(from then on, that’s the reason he gives every time i ask)
i’ve started saying no sometimes when he asks because i don’t want to, and he gets upset and says i usually have no problem with it.
am i being petty by thinking it’s unfair that he expects me to give him head when he won’t do the same for me?
39 comments
No, you’re not being petty at all. He sounds selfish.
Nope, u are correct. I would suspend oral activities to see how he would react.
Mind you, he already got away with not doing it since you started. So now he is lazy, selfish, and ungrateful since you said ok.
Ask yourself if this is how you see your future. I understand he *says he doesn’t want to, but this is 2023. Couples communicate, accept finding some common grounds and understand that they may have to put some energy into the relation
He sounded crass, I don’t want to say this, but he has not shown very loveable qualities…GL
I love going down on a woman. Nothing wrong with you for wanting it
Nope you’re not in the wrong at all. When I was having casual sex, I stopped going down on guys who wouldn’t go down on me and things changed. You guys aren’t sexually compatible and you’ll be glad this came up now and not years down the track when you’re married and have kids. It’s really okay for it to be a deal breaker, it is for me. I’m very thankful my partner (now) loves going down on me.
I don’t know what kind of guy wouldn’t want to go down on his gf but I’m sure you can find a better one.
Not petty at all next time he tries to act insulted when you say no remind him you’re not into it and don’t want to and only used to do it bcz he likes it but since there is no reason for it then you’ll stick to not doing it since you don’t enjoy it anyways and that’s your choice. might seem petty but sexual compatibility is huge in a relationship yes it their own choice and it’s good to communicate and sometimes find a compromise but why should you put yourself out there and not get the sentiment returned sometimes it is a tit for tat situation.
If you don’t get to cum he doesn’t get to cum. Tell him that’s just how it is in 2023.
You aren’t being petty at all, if you don’t like oral then you shouldn’t feel like you have to perform it to get oral yourself.
This honestly sounds like he’s trying to peer pressure you into something you aren’t comfortable doing and he’s being utterly selfish and only thinking about himself and what he wants not what you want.
Okey. Here is the thing that i have pointed out on this forum before.
Do you need it to orgasm? If yes – then we have a problem and you might not be compatible
Do you not need it for orgasm and just want head because you give head? is that how the bedroom works? is it only how it work around giving head? or is it same in other positions? We need to get same treatment as we give?
If he doesnt like it he doesnt like it. What you need to figure out if he can be there for you in other ways. If he can stimulate you. Dont think of it as a tit for tat.
Don’t give him head. Give him a taste of his own medicine. It might be petty but it sure is effective.
Thats weird that he won’t go down on you. That shit is awesome.
You aren’t petty at all. Your boyfriend can do as he pleases, but if he isn’t as enthusiastic about your pleasure as he is about yours, move on. Life is too short.
Everyone is entitled to their preference without being judged, but if it’s something you really enjoy and want done to you, and he won’t consider your feelings on it, then it’ll just create resentment.
If you are already finding it unfair and thinking of withdrawing due to his response to you expressing a want/need. Then you should talk to him and let him know how it makes you feel. Also, think seriously if you would be fine carrying on with the way things are.
You could also talk to him and explain that you feel really uncomfortable going down on him when it’s not returned and you would rather not continue on a regular basis, that you don’t mind doing it when you feel like it but it won’t be as frequent.
I absolutely disagree with tit for tat in relationships. We shouldn’t ever keep score or lower ourselves to pettiness. No “taste of their own medicine”, because we are adults having adults relationships, not children playing games. If you want a healthy relationship, you’re probably doing to have to ignore have the advice you’ve been given here.
That said.. we all have our limits, boundaries, and standards as to how we feel we should be treated. I wouldn’t go down on a guy who refused to do the same for me because we are *both* active participants in our sexual adventures, and I refuse to do anything that leaves me feeling like a tool for someone else’s pleasure. It’s not about teaching him a lesson, but honouring my own boundaries.
If he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like it. You shouldn’t be petty, if that’s your motivation. Neither of you owes each other oral.
That said, it would be a dealbreaker for me.
If you enjoy it, do it. If you don’t, don’t.
Same for him.
No, I’d do the same thing. It’s funny he hears you say you don’t like it and then says you usually have no problem with it. With doing something you don’t like. Hmm. Maybe neither of you should give oral and enjoy sex only.
Not unfair. But it sounds like the two of you are sexually incompatible.
Talk to him. Tell him you don’t like doing it either but you do bc he likes it and you want to please him. If he doesn’t want to go down on you bc he doesn’t like it, then you’re no longer going to force yourself to do it.
It’s not petty. You’re putting up a boundary. Everyone deserves to get what they want sexually. But also be prepared this could be a game changer in a good way or a bad way if you two can’t come to an agreement.
A big piece of advice an early lover gave me was ‘endure nothing’. Sex is supposed to be fun.
You guys are enduring this, not enjoying this.
How else are you getting off? Do you orgasm during sex without oral? Would your sex life still be good if you both stopped giving oral sex? Imagine 50 more years of this.
He doesn’t like performing oral and neither do u, but u do it because u like him and want to make him happy, he can’t do the same so either no oral for anyone or break up and find someone more compatible
If the roles would be switched the comment section would be completely different..
He doesn’t like it and he is not obligated to return the favor if he doesn’t like going down on you. If you don’t like it, it is your own choice and decision if you still go down on him, but you don’t need to do it and he shouldn’t expect this from you! But you also have no right in expecting this from him if it is a boundary of his. Please just respect each others boundaries, it is that easy.
If it must be a given for you, you just are not sexually compatible and maybe you should overthink your relationship at that point. Nobody should be forced to do something they don’t like.
It’s time to leave that guy. Life is to short to put up with his double standards.
It’s not pettiness because you’re compromising on the fact that you “don’t really like giving him head” and doing it because he likes it.
Meanwhile, while he’s in the exact same predicament of I “just don’t like it”, he can’t compromise as well and don’t for you? Do I need to spell out selfishness?
Smh.
In any case, if you don’t want to, you don’t want to and you SO shouldn’t force you.
Now, as you’re very respectfully not forcing or coercing him to do something he just doesn’t like, he should grab a mirror and reflect that same attitude by NOT getting upset (as this IMO is a form of emotional coercion) when you decline because you [also] don’t feel like it.
It’s very unfair for him to expect you to compromise on something he can’t compromise on. Because how are you any less of a human with preferences and discomforts than he is?
Unfair and unreasonable.
Also, him getting upset is what’s even making you feel this fake guilt and
ETA: [I tapped post accidentally mid sentence] and as I’d earlier said, that’s emotional coercion and it really fumbles the clear lines of consent to sexual acts. Do it because you WANT to!! Only that.
And I believe that sometimes, partners give in to the needs of the other out of gratitude… like, I really appreciate how you take time to make me orgasm through head, let me do the same for you especiallyif you even like it!
It really helps to motivate the other person who, even though they weren’t doing it merely for reciprocity, may also get tired of being the only one doing certain things or going to certain lengths. Like they say, charity (a good heart) gets tired too.
I don’t think your unreasonable I think he might be selfish in this regard. Good luck to you. Sounds like you two need to define what is expected from your relationship.
50/50 is totally reasonable and not at all petty. There’s zero reason he should receive something he’s not willing to give.
I’d find a new man that’s a NO for me
I used to hate going down on my wife, but it turned out that was because she wasn’t very good at cleaning that area herself. I took over cleaning for her, made sure I got everywhere, and now I can’t get enough.
Yes, she took offense at first, but since then she’s taken more care to clean it properly and I don’t even have to anymore.
I’m not saying this is the case for you, but it’s what stopped me initially. A clean cooch is a cooch worth licking.
It’s not petty or tit for tat. No one should expect to get head from another person, & this includes OP’s boyfriend who has no right to demand it from her just because she’s done it before. That doesn’t obligate her forever.
OP has been doing something she doesn’t like, just to please someone who isn’t being reciprocal. She needs 0 reasons to stop doing something **she just doesn’t want to do any more than he does**.
The boyfriend is under no obligation to start, but she is under no obligation to stay & she shouldn’t. Too many other people out there willing to give her what she wants.
don’t be with someone who doesn’t eat pussy…it is that simple
Life is too short to not get head.
It shouldn’t be a tit for tat. If you like giving him head, do it. If you don’t, then don’t do it.
Relationships are about compromise and if neither of you is really keen on giving the other head then one party can’t still expect to receive and not give.
Some people don’t care if their partners perform oral sex on them, they love giving. This doesn’t seem to be your dynamic however
If you dont like it much either, tell him that youre doing it for him, not because youre into it. If youre adamant about him going down on you, you ought to make it clear to him that if he isnt into doing it, it wont motivate you to do it to him.
Best of luck.
For me, DEALBREAKER!
break up with him. it’s clear that he doesn’t mind receiving while he gives nothing in return, that’s plain selfish.
You should start calling him your ex bf.
I was in this relationship for YEARS. I gave him head – exceptional head that he reallly enjoyed but it was never even a question of him trying to pleasure me. He tried it once and didn’t like it.
When he tried to pleasure me with his hands, he was rough , like he had seen some porn movie and thought being rough with the whole area would do ‘something’ rather than focused and gentle. In the end I asked him to stop his attempts. He didn’t bother to explore but then in a hetrosexual relationship, its finding a man who isn’t selfish
Fortunately he had a massive penis and that gave me a great deal of pleasure. Amazing penatritive orgasms. Since then I’ve heard there are women who don’t care about size but for me – penis size matters more than any other aspect. If I can’t have good penatitive sex – there is no point. I’d be happier in a lesbian relationship
run away. from a fellow woman, trust me on that. he’s selfish in the bedroom and gets mad when u are simply giving him what he is giving u. immature and a huge ick to me, find a better man not a boy
anecdotal, but i’d go down on my wife every day if she’d let me.
that’s my happy place.
Petty, no. You’ve got a cause for concern.
Selfish and self-centered is expecting to be serviced and not returning the favor.
You stop, or he starts.
End of discussion. 🙂