Is wanting a woman who doesn’t want kids, has little to no social media presence, and who is introverted/a homebody mean I have unrealistic standards?

37 comments

1. If she usually stays at home, how do you find her?

2. I think there are plenty of women who fit the criteria but it’s going to be hard finding them. You didn’t mention your age, if you’re in your 20s/30s you might try expanding your age range – you might find a woman with almost grown kids who would be fine with no additional children and low interest in social media.

3. An introvert homwbody with no social media? How exactly would you expect to meet this person?

4. You can’t find us because we’ve purposefully hidden ourselves away from the world and spend much of our time wondering why we can’t find love

5. I fit this to a T besides no social media. I have a lot of social media accounts (twitter, insta, facebook, tiktok etc.) but I don’t post anything, just follow my friends and musicians I like.

   I think finding an introverted homebody with NO social media is pretty much impossible, considering we need to be social somehow which is making friends online.

   Otherwise it’s not unrealistic but it’s going to be very hard. Every guy I’ve met from dating apps has said it’s rare to find a girl like me with those attributes. Though that isn’t always a positive when a lot of guys my age like to party and think I’m lame for wanting to chill at home and too socially anxious to party.

   Also, the type of woman you’re looking for is usually hiding herself and not putting herself out there. I only put myself out there because I was tired of being alone.

6. You have to decide for yourself if these standards are actually that important to you. No kids is usually a non negotiable; but homebody/introverted/no social media seem more like things you are randomly associating with certain qualities you’d like in a partner.

   Say you find a homebody who doesn’t like the way you spend your time at home and wants to do something entirely different (think grocery shopping and cooking up a feast on Saturdays vs playing video games from dawn till dusk). Contrarily, if you find someone you can share something with, either a common interest or something you each enjoy about each other; maybe you wind up doing some of it their way sometimes and not always as you’d planned.

   Similarly I know plenty of people that aren’t necessarily your typical introvert but are homebodies and are still active on social media. One of my best friends works from home and rarely leaves her house but posts anywhere from 2 to 10 stories a day and has quite a bit of friends if she ever wants to see us, lol.

   I suggest you ask yourself what are the reasons you came up with this particular list and what are the values you think they reflect. Because in the long run; unless you at insufferably controlling, having someone who shares your values and acts in a way you can understand as coherent, is much more important than someone who shares your stance on stuff like social media or hours that need to be spent at home (vs, for another example, responsabilities and things to take care of at home whilst you are there).

7. Unless you grew up with, work with, or have a mutual friend with said person, you’re not really gonna meet this kind of woman.

8. Lmaoo this is literally me. I would say shoot your shooting your shot in person is the best way to about it.

9. Wow, so this is a thing?
   As in requirements that people have.

   My ex and current boyfriend would list these when I asked why they wanted to be with me and I thought they were just listing random things rather than genuinely meaning so. I usually brush it off and didn’t take it seriously.

   Thanks for this.

10. Lol you described me perfectly. I’m on the online dating apps but go on dates very seldom because well…that introvert social battery is usually drained.

11. 🙋‍♀️ We do exist. Guess there’s just not a lot of us.

12. I’m curious why “no social media presence” is important to you. What values of yours are behind that? Why not lead with those values? Could someone have social media but still align with those values?

    I say this because your list of wants is a list of requirements for the other person, and the social media thing honestly sounds a little judgy and controlling. Why not lead with what you are/want and look for someone that’s compatible?

    Regarding the other two items, yes wanting kids or not is an important deal-breaker.

    However you could still have a wonderful relationship and life together with someone that likes activities outside of the house, like hanging out with friends, going to concerts, gym, hiking. You don’t have to spend 100% of your time together joined at the hip. It’s healthy to have your own hobbies and activities away from each other. Insisting someone never leave the house and be satisfied with sitting next to you in front of the TV every night and every weekend is a lot to ask.

    Since you just went through a breakup, now is the perfect time to just be single, recharge, heal, focus on yourself for a while and being a better and well-rounded person and more in touch with yourself.

    As an exercise, you can build on those 3 things but come up with a longer list of traits you’d like to have in a partner. Like 10 or 20 or 30, if you could find an ideal match. Like sense of humor, enjoys certain activities, has certain political or social beliefs, views on finances and travel, communication style and how you feel, etc etc.

    Then narrow down to top 5-10 things only, things that would be deal-breakers, like not wanting kids. Limit yourself to those 5-10 so the rest are nice-to-haves. This will help you see what’s really important to you, right now at least. And see what’s maybe not so important in terms of potential for long term compatibility.

    Good luck!

13. Why is minimal social media presence so important?

14. Sooooo, yes and no.

    For example, I am taken, but I just so happen to fit your credentials.

    But

    1. I kind of have no social media presence because I can’t be fucked to care, so it’s more a coincidence I think

    2. I could not be your type in other ways

    3. Women like me are hard to find because… We’re at home lol

    So does someone that fits those credentials exist? Yes. But we’re all at home.

    I met my bf through my sister. Friends of friends are probably going to be your best bet, they are going to get dragged out by their extroverted friends.

    Good luck!

15. i mean…. how would u meet this woman? she isnt on social media and she doesnt go outside much.

16. That woman is going to be older and most likely not going to look at a 26 year old. The no kids is the clincher I think.

17. Unicorns don’t exist, every person you date is going to have flaws. Accept it and deal.

18. Lol ok so this is hilarious because I check all three boxes.

    I think this is one of those things where you don’t need to advertise this criteria, you just quietly use these metrics while getting to know someone. Additionally, I wouldn’t necessarily write someone off if they didn’t line up perfectly. For example, I would never date someone who was super active on Instagram or whatever but I don’t care if they have it.

19. Having any kind of criteria limits the possibilities. You only have to find one though, so take heart in that…

20. i don’t think those standards are unrealistic. you like what you like. HOWEVER; it is going to be hard to find that person because 1. they’re not on social media, 2. introverted, & 3. always home. I am mostly that and always wonder why i’m single and celibate, well, that’s why 🤣
    it’s good to know what you want. don’t ever feel ashamed or like you’re asking for too much. and also, maybe one day you’ll meet someone that is maybe one of those things but not all, and you really dig them anyways. i prefer introverts as well, but i have dated a LOT of extroverts, simply because they had the balls to pursue me and i happened to like them back. an extrovert may pursue you out of nowhere, and you might like them anyways!

21. You’re looking at the woman you described, but I’m too shy to ever meet in person and I don’t use dating apps for the same reason 😬😅

22. I mean, kinda. Don’t get me wrong, those people exist–but much like you are finding, you aren’t competing with others to attract them, you are competing with their peace.

    No/little social media? Dating apps are social media and if they don’t like social media, they aren’t on there much. Doesn’t like going out? Okay, well, she went from work to home to recharge her batteries and enjoy her peace. Why is she going to go back out to meet someone?

    Basically, you’re looking for someone who is difficult to connect with, while making yourself difficult to connect with.

    I get that we all have preferences, but have you considered that what you may want is more someone who is just pretty independent? Instead of wanting someone who wants to stay in, maybe someone who doesn’t require you to go with them. Instead of someone who stays away from social media, someone who enjoys sitting inside and scrolling while you read/watch TV/play video games/whatever. Parallel play can be relaxing too.

    Not going to tell you what to do, but it does sound like you made this hard on yourself.

23. When you find where they’re hiding let me know

24. As a woman that fits your criteria, I’d suggest focusing on your hobbies. Most of us will spend a lot of time on our hobbies/interests so that’s the best place to meet us in the wild.

    For example, I volunteer at the local animal shelter walking dogs about one day a week. I got to my local park and walk the trails or take pictures. I like art, so I take workshops in the community when something interests me. I play games online.

    That kind of thing.

    Don’t go where you think you’ll meet women though- go where you want to go, and meet the women who also want to go there.

25. My silly response: you’ll normally find us dashing from point A to point B. We don’t like to make it seem like we want to/are open to talking to others. Yuck. People.

    My serious response: those are perfectly normal wants. Yes, we do exist. Some of us might be jaded though. And some of us have our phones on silent most of the time. You’ll find us easily through your network of friends, family, and coworkers because we have to talk to these people at some point. Thats how I met my boyfriend – a mutual friend set up us up. I thought I was meeting her and instead I met him. Otherwise, I would’ve never left my house on a Friday night. It’s my Indian food and trash tv night! Gosh.

26. main thing to know is that as you get older and your tastes change, you might be able to adjust your preferences. for now, if those are your guiding preferences in liking people, then it’s fine.

    but i’ll mention this part. as much as my younger self said things like , i don’t want someone does X Y or Z, i eventually met someone who does X Y or Z and thought that they were pretty awesome people that I would like to know better and even date them.

    so maybe you can keep these as preferences but still be open to more people to know them better as well (except for the no kids part — that one, you should stick with your preferences)

27. I feel like individually, no. I prefer dating childfree women, however childfree women tend to live active lives, and enjoy sharing what they do with friends and family on whatever social media they like.

    Good luck in your search, don’t give up!

28. All those things you listed have nothing to do with who someone is as a person. I think each standard is a wall that you’re putting up to a significant amount of the population. If you like someone, they could have all those traits, only a few, or none. Focus on the person.

29. I’m 35M, single and straight. I could deal with someone not wanting kids (I don’t either), having no social media and being introverted (it’s important to understand that introverted doesn’t mean being a hermit).

    But if they never wanted to go anywhere or do anything and had no hobbies then I think I would get bored quickly. If I did nothing outside of work, I would probably start feeling like “What’s the point of my life?”.

    Right now, I’m into hiking. And they don’t have to be into that themselves as long as they’re okay having alone time (or not being around me all the time).

    It depends on whether you would okay with someone going out and doing things without you. I’m sure there are people like you around but you won’t find them on the dating apps. And probably not in bars either. Or social groups like Meetup (which is where I met most of my current friends).

    So meeting someone who meets all your requirements might be a challenge, assuming you don’t have any social things you do regularly (aside from work) such as going to church, being part of a social club, playing sport, volunteering, etc.

30. Some of us are already taken, homebodies sitting at home with our partners. Other single homebodies want to meet people but not really lol. The introverted struggle is real.

31. I would say all three traits fit me. But I actually really prefer to date extroverts who bring some of the missing energy to my life. Not that I wouldn’t date an introvert though.

    Since I can’t stand dating apps, I only really met people at school, work, mutuals.

32. No you just described me

33. No.

    You’re just not going to find her on a dating app if that’s where you’ve been searching.

34. Think about it bro, how are you going to meet them if they stay at home all day and dont have social media? Lol unless your a robber and break into people homes to steal hearts i dont think you’d ever find what your looking for

35. Totally just described me.
    Didn’t know anyone found these traits desirable 😂
    Idk where to find ppl like this either!

36. Wanting is one thing, finding one hmmm better chances trapping a 🦄

37. I am all three of those and since I know I’m not the only woman in the world who is this way, don’t give up! Lol