I’ve always had the same feelings towards her. But she said she’s over me but then will be with me again. It’s so painful, after our last breakup she wondered why I wasn’t trying to court her.

And even after all of this I still want to be with her.

49 comments

  2. Because she’s manipulating the hell out of you and it sounds like you may be waking up to that fact. only way forward is to wash your hands of her and move on, otherwise it will only get so much worse.

    There are so many people out there that don’t play these stupid games, go find em

  3. Talk to her. Tell her the pattern you see and set boundaries.

    This talk will probably make you see you deserve better. Relationships shouldn’t be so volatile. Look at how you can do better and what you want in a relationship.

  5. My friend. I feel for you. Many years ago I went through experiences like these. I did not really understand and was totally lost.

    What you need to look up is the psychological term ‘trauma bonding’. You need professional help in therapy. This is above Reddit’s paygrade.

    Basically the other person has teared you down (or you were an easy target before you got together) to the point where your sense of reality is fucked. The other person will then become the comfort zone and a place called “home”.

    Your longing feelings for this person is “real”, but based om a false toxic reality.

    To sum it up: you need to get the fuck out and cut exactly all contact points and to start rebuilding yourself. It will take time and you will best do it with a professional.

    This person is dangerous, manipulative and toxic af.

    I believe in you cockboy.

  6. Because the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.

    You know her and how bad she treats you. But you don’t know the next person. Even tho they will probably treat you better. They just might treat you worse. And that scares you.

  7. Apparently she is also the one who wants to get backs with you because she got back with you 3 times.

  10. Nah man you just don’t want to be alone but this is a huge red flag and I honestly suggest you demand the respect you deserve and put a full stop and end to her bullshit. This isn’t healthy and you’re wasting your time with someone who isn’t the one so get her out of your way so you can find the one. Block her and release yourself from this toxic relationship. There’s so many much better and wonderful people out there actually worth your time and effort. Find someone who values you and refuses to give up on you because she keeps giving up on you then feels lonely then comes back leaving you in her vicious cycle. Find someone who never stops choosing you and love you so hard you feel it warming you with just the thought of them. Not someone who quits on you to do god knows what away from you then come back after leaving you hurt. That’s not love man. You deserve better.

  11. Toxic highs and lows are a bitch, man. They form an addiction in our brains.
    But if you’ve broken up 3 times you know it’s not a healthy relationship. Do yourself a favor and go no contact. Heal. Find a healthy relationship.

  12. I’ve been there before when I was younger. Relationships are lessons in love and understanding yourself. I look back at previous relationships and recognise I was a different person then and I learnt painfully what I was looking for and what I wouldn’t accept from a partner.

    Just because you like each other and love each other sometimes it’s ok to say it’s not enough. There are people out there that are right for you but you are both are wrong for EACH OTHER. Having a connection doesn’t mean it’s the only person in the world you can connect with.

    Truse me, you have value and you will meet someone who treats you right.

    My girlfriend in the past broke up with me many times for stupid reasons and then I would win her back after much hearthbreak, tears, misery, you name it and I was so scared of losing her that I stopped being myself to keep her happy. I would let her toxic behavious slide cause I knew if she didn’t have her way I’d be gone.

    One day I realised I was done with it. I dumped her and she tried to win me back and I was totally honest with her. When I break up with someone I mean it, I don’t do it expecting us to get back together. I knew how horrible it felt to be dumped over and over and I would not subject her to that kind of treatment. She couldn’t believe it and was full of apologies and promises. Fuck that, break the abuse cycle, Be better, learn from it and be ready for your next relationship knowing that shit don’t fly.

  13. Like someone mentioned it before, this is called Trauma bonding, pls google it and watch Youtube Videos about it, this will help you alot. I had to deal with it 1 year ago and it helped me so much…..you need to get out of there or it will brainfuck you so bad…i hope you understand my englisch and i hope this helps you brother ;D

  17. Before going into my first relationship, the one thing I said to myself was to prevent breakup as much as I could, but if it’s inevitable, there’s no going back. I strongly believe that breakup is a one time thing. It’s literally a gamble.

    You may have to block her everywhere. Concentrate on your career, your body, and your mental health. People tend to enter another relationship soon after a breakup. They’ve been with a partner together so long that they find it difficult to be alone. Fight the urge, don’t ever get into a relationship without getting healed from your past breakup.

  18. People are bombarded with this idea that they’re incomplete without a partner. It causes us to feel lost when someone leaves us and then eager to accept them back if/when they do return.

    Spend some time learning to know yourself and love who you are as an individual. Most relationships result in a sort of loss of identity as people tend to become “the other half” of something they think is greater when in reality you’re probably pretty awesome yourself.

  21. You’ve gotten used to the relationship and/or you like the good parts in a way that there’s a pull to get back and try again. You have to detach by sheer force of will, the longer you’re in this cycle the harder it will be to be happy when ultimately the cycle ends.

  22. It’s a cycle and someone has to break it. I’ve seen plenty of on/off relationships like this. The best way to solve this is to communicate, sit down, have a real talk and lay it out all out on the table. Both of you have to make a decision on whether you’re going to stay together or not.

  24. Sunk cost fallacy

    You invested too much and you don‘t want to let it go to waste

  25. You cant help how you feel….. Try to tell yourself that you are worth being happy, and are worth being cared about and respected. Positive affirmations help in tough situations, obviously not extensive amounts, but a little.

  26. Hey lad,

    I was in a relationship like this for about 4 years. We broke up and got back together about 4x. Some where sparked by me for reasons, others by her. Nonetheless, in the end I told her I was willing to make the efforts to change the relationship and fuel things into a positive light. We even went to couples therapy..

    Needless to say, she didn’t have the same intentions and was viewing me as a catalyst to fuel other endeavors in her life. A sort of backdrop she could rely on knowing I was very sensitive about things concerning her.

    Once I realized that’s what she was doing (mostly from people outside the relationship telling about other events going on) I was able to let go and move on.

    This is an extremely hard situation because a part of you knows what “good” she has but another part of you knows she’s using you. You have to realize this sooner than later, make sure you’re taking care of your mental health, and accept that this is NOT going to work out.

    You can only make a relationship work as much as two people are willing to pour real emotion, love, and effort into bringing it to its best possible level. She clearly has found an opening to toy with you and will repeat that cycle until you either cave or are so emotionally distraught she’ll move on to someone else.

  27. You gotta walk away from her bro. Everytime she breaks up with you and you accept her back her respect level drops a little bit. You might love her but she obviously knows she has you and CAN have you whenever she so wishes. A woman who doesn’t respect you cannot love you. You’re in a precarious position in this relationship. Take the loss, take time to recover and improve yourself.

  28. Because you love her! Don’t fault yourself for this. It’s completely natural. I had the same thing with my boyfriend, until I realised that I don’t deserve to be thrown around, or have my security be threatened – that is not someone who loves you. I know it’s easier said than done but you got to go. These are not words you throw around and it is not fair to do this to you more than once

  30. Shitty self image? Desperation? Lack of emotional control?

    Take your pick. Move on, or you’ll never improve your life. She won’t change, obviously.

  31. Pain is fun – stop putting a word on the relationship, just have fun and let her abuse you and shop around! She is

  32. I recommend looking up Austin Wayne’s recent video on getting over a breakup. 8/10 recommend.

  33. Going through something very similar right now

    Confusing times indeed

    We all know the right thing to do is move on. But that’s not exactly the easy thing, or what our hearts want

    Stay strong bro

  34. Because you’re addicted. Just like every other addiction, the only way to get over it is to remove it from your life. No texting, no calling, no social media, no “let’s just talk”, no sex. Simple formula for you.

  35. Unhealthy obsession. Each time you get back with your ex, it’s even more likely you’ll break up again. I’m not a scientist but I have completed this groundwork. Just stop. Do not communicate. Emphatic space.

  36. You’re being used. She’s exploiting your lingering feelings for her own benefit. She knows that she doesn’t have to give you anything of substance, can dump you at her convenience, because you will take her back automatically.

    This isn’t exclusive to men or women. Users use, and have no issues with exploiting feelings to get what they want.

    You’re in pain because you are at the receiving end of this treatment. My advice would be to break the cycle by either shooting her down when she tries to get back with you, or by dumping her if you’re currently on again.

  37. You want what you can’t have. Have you ever actually had a reason to get to a point where you no longer want to be with them ? I’m sure she does it before you even get there. Oh and low self-worth

  38. You need space and time to heal. Work on your inner child, maybe something has happened in your childhood where you felt abandoned or let down by someone you loved and now in your adult life you have a fear of letting someone who probably isn’t right for you go. Learn how to parent your inner child and it will change your life. It’s tough but it will get better in time, I promise.

  39. Checked your profile and you had a crush on someone 2 days ago. No wonder she can’t make her mind up doesn’t seem like you can either.

  40. Learn about attachment styles, boundary setting and become familiar with your own relationship patterns from the past. They will give you insight as to why this relationship dynamic isn’t working right now. From what I’m getting is that you both keep making excuses as to why you can’t be together based on old relationship habits and views on what that means for each of you. sounds like you both really want to be together. Also need more information of how this even started. Love can leave in the same way that it comes. Read that again.

  41. I think yall should break up for good and start focusing on yourself if your meant to be together yall find each other again

  42. If you are going to play silly games then do it right. Get back with her and when things are going great, dump her. Make sure everybody knows you dumped her. Now you are in charge.

  43. You lack self respect and you have low self esteem. A guy whom would have both of those you lack would have deleted her number and socials and never talked to her again.

  44. 3 times too many, never go back to a ex. Sometimes you have to just Man up and not chase her again, she will be chasing you but don’t go back

  45. I once had a long term GF that I went through the same thing with. Upon reflection I think it’s highly probable that she used the breakup times to pursue others guilt free and got back with me because I was the safe comfort zone with a loving family who treated her well. She also emotionally cheated on me twice (exploring her sexuality with the same gender) and physically cheated on me once (same gender).

    She only dated guys though, so I foolishly overlooked the girls because I thought nothing to worry about, she’s only into dating guys but I was naive. Finally went NC after she wanted to just be friends and I confronted her about someone in her Dms and she admitted to seeing them at work breaks. After a couple months she reached out to me to be her FWBs while she dated a girl for the first time. One of the girls she was prepared to leave me over (physical cheating part). Took up the offer just to get revenge on that girl (She knew my ex was in a relationship, saw in Dms). After a couple weeks I realized i just don’t see this woman the same anymore, still physically attractive, no issues with anything physical but I just couldn’t bring myself to cuddle her or hold hands, play with her hair or any of the other non physical intimacy things you can do. That’s when I went NC again and I have never been happier since. Lots of changes and growth took place because I pushed forward. She’s still friends with some family, so I see her socials now and then. Seems to be on around or above the same path as when I left her.

    Long story short, IMO, anybody that breaks up with you multiple times is using you as the safety net, a sure thing. The final insurance policy

  46. cuz you are manipulated hard by her . and you probably kinda “like” to stay in that position of victim having some hidden benefits for you from it. but therapist would explain it better. leave that toxic crap or find therapy to help you with it, you will not regret

  47. Bc u love her and maybe there is something about her that doesn’t leave u alone

  48. Improve willpower and you might get some immunity to painful feeling.
    3 continuous break ups with same party, then it’s obvious already both your hearts not connected since day 1.
    You can’t force someone to love you , if he/she loses interest then don’t drag the relationship (pity/guilt/longing whatever reasons).

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