My husband and I have been trying to strengthen our intimacy but there seems to be no chemistry anymore. Sex is very dull and I’m at the point where I just do it to get it over with and not argue with my husband. We have had many conversations about sex and intimacy but it is still the same. I used to love the sex in my past relationships because they were so passionate and spicy but this marriage sex is such a disappointment. My sex drive is definitely still active but in order to be loyal I just have to internalize it. The crazy part is other than sex, our relationship is great. Is it possible to still have a successful marriage without chemistry and boring sex??

13 comments

  1. No not really eventually you will feel disconnected and start pulling away.

    However you can have intimacy in other forms, cuddling, spending time together etc. that seems to not work though.

    I am sorry you’re going through this, but in my opinion it will not be a happy marriage.

  3. no but you are failing at the most important things, attraction and communication.

    So there is a theory called LOVE THEORY that states you need three things to have a happy healthy relationship, Intimacy (not just sex) Passion (more to do with sex) and Commitment.

    If you would rate your relationship it would be kind of intimate, low passion, and high commitment. Well thats not good, how do you get more passion back in the relationship? by becoming more attractive to your partner. This attraction isn’t just physical but its mental and emotional and spiritual. Grading your partner from 1 to 10 in each of those categories you might see you have low attraction to your partner and thus hurting the intimacy/passion in your love.

    If you keep on this path you will bring out the four horsemen of the end of a relationship and it will die.

    I hope you get some help and some great reading is John Gottman and 7 Principle to Making MArriage Work. Its an amazing read and fun workbook for you both.

  4. Define “successful.” In the most dry and clinical terms, sure, a successful marriage is one that does not end in divorce, right? That’s not necessarily a happy or fulfilling marriage, though. Lots of people suffer through shitty marriages right up to the grave. How important is “chemistry and boring sex” to you? That’s the only thing that matters – how will YOU handle it? Maybe “a pretty good marriage” is good enough for you, maybe not. I can tell you from my experience, I wish I hadn’t settled for an OK marriage. I chose a partner I felt like I could grow old with, not a partner I couldn’t live without. Good luck.

  5. Did you once have chemistry? Did kissing him feel right, does he smell right to you? Were you ever passionate about him or was he always the “good choice who didn’t knock your socks off?”

  6. No. That’s called a friendship and I want more from my primary relationship than friendship.

  7. Comparing youthful limerance/honeymoon sex (with no real commitments or responsibility) to sex in long term marriage is often a problem.

    Check out a book from Barry McCarthy. Once past the honey moon stage couples must develop a mature sexual lifestyle that will not mimic the honeymoon or pre marriage sex from our youth. Without this step in evolution intimacy can die.

  9. I’m gonna make a big assumption here, but maybe he isn’t in great shape and that is why the sex sucks. For me and my wife, the best sex hands down happened when I was in good shape. I feel like we men often don’t realize how complicated sex really is and how physical it is. I have battled problems with alcohol throughout our 5 year marriage and ten year relationship, and here is the thing, I had no idea how chubby I had gotten and how weak I actually was. Sex is very physical. The first thing to go when you start drinking is upper body strength, and since a lot of positions require the man to hold himself up, it is obvious how sex could be bad in that situation. I hate to come across as shallow, but maybe he has to hit the gym in order for your sex life to get better.

  10. It really all depends on how important sex is to both people. If having a good sex life isn’t valued or important to both partners, then it’s likely that a successful marriage is possible without chemistry. However, if chemistry is important to at least one partner, then the lack of it will like be a significant hindrance to having a happy, fulfilling relationship.

  13. Still matters.
    how important does sex matters to u and ur partner.
    If it can be discussed, give it a try. . .

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