I (21F) made the mistake of kissing my boyfriend (22M) while he was still healing from a cold sore, and I ended up with a really, REALLY bad first breakout (I’m talking a small one at first, and then more and more kept showing up to the point where I was unable to eat practically anything in fear it would touch my lips or make it worse).
Thankfully I’m healed now, but I went to my doctor for Valtrex and she said because it was MY first outbreak, my boyfriend *must* have the virus real bad. I asked her, “But we can still do oral when neither of us have an outbreak, right?” And she responds, “No, not really a good idea. I mean, look at what happened to you,” and also listed what genital herpes can do to a person long-term.
I was kind of dumbfounded. This was the first time I ever saw my BF have a cold sore and we’ve been dating for 6 months. And to top it off, we have been having oral sex with ease nearly everyday since we started seeing each other (about 9 months), and I’ve never had an inkling or sign down there that would indicate herpes. I was truly devastated when she told me this, 69 is in our top 3 favourite positions :(.
I don’t know if I’ll really follow her advice, but after all she *is* a doctor. Is it really better that we stop?
8 comments
I suggest listening to your doctor, it’s about your health.
The doctor can tell you what the risks are, but only you can decide if you’re willing to accept them.
It depends if you’re willing to go through an outbreak again. If yes, you could roll the dice and see if another outbreak happens. If it does, you could think about stopping for real. But if not- well, then it wasn’t that much of a problem after all right?
“Past performance (or outbreaks in this case) do not guarantee future results”. If you’re willing to test that theory, you could find out which way it goes.
That’s very puzzling advice from your doctor, because if both of you already have the same herpes type, you won’t be reinfecting each other.
I’ll leave this here: https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/
It’s got some information you can look at when making decisions.
I suggest a second medical opinion. Afaik you can only catch each version of herpes one (hsv-1 and hsv-2). Since you both have it then you can’t now re-infect the other.
odd question but are you certain you’re healthy?
sleeping enough? eating healthy and exercising? water?
having an outbreak that bad from a simple cold sore cant be normal
idk your history but if youre immune system reacted that negatively, maybe your doctor has a point
Get a second opinion.
Sounds like complete bullshit from a judgemental doctor. Once you’ve acquired herpes in a spot it’s really really difficult to contract the same strain in a different area of the body, especially if on valtrex. Nearly no one asks potential sex partners if they’ve ever had a oral cold sore; it’s just part of life. If you already are having oral outbreaks, it’s super unlikely that they will spread genitally because you’ve already contracted the virus. I would seek advice from a more sex positive practitioner.
Diagnoses with GHSV2 in 2020 and have not spread to other partners since.
From what I’ve read over the years, genital herpes doesn’t do anything to a person longterm. Her thinking is out of the mainstream (which in itself doesn’t make her wrong).
[free herpes handbook](https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/) by a nurse practitioner, 2019 (go to the menu “Free Resources”). I haven’t read the whole 39 pages, but I certainly recommend reading pages 5 and 6.
[Herpes, a memoir](https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/herpes-a-memoir-lara-leigh-jack/1140035944). 2021.
The sentence about your first outbreak, he must have it real bad, makes no sense. Did you really mean, not that it was your first outbreak, but that yours was so bad? That’s not medically correct, since one of the key facts about herpes is that symptoms vary dramatically between individuals. There’s no correlation between how bad you have it and how bad the person who infected you has it.
Another key fact about herpes is that the patient is not contagious after an outbreak. Now, you to do research to get details on timing, and it’s actually impossible to determine within one day when you’re safe.
Learn about the differences between HSV-1 and HSV-2. Both types of virus can infect either body part, but seek out the details. I’ve read that HSV-2 infection of the mouth is very rare.
I’m not sure it’s possible to be infected twice with the same kind of herpes. Assuming you caught it from your bf, I’m not sure that it can ever cause sores anywhere else on his body than where he first had sores.