I’m a 27M from Texas and would like to start referring to everyone by “Ms/Mr Firstname” alongside “sir/ma’am”. Is this appropriate for business/shopping/randoms?

19 comments

1. If my coworker or person I know otherwise started referring to me as Mr. LastName out of the blue, I’d wonder what the hell is wrong with them.

   It’s ok to not be formal with people. It’s not rude or bad manners.

2. I admit I’d find that weird if someone 5-6 years younger than me called me Mr. Lastname and I’d assume they were making some sort of joke.

   But it might be different where you live.

3. I think it’s fine for kids to respectfully address adults that way but why do you, as an adult, feel the need to do that?

4. It died off because you’re an adult now lol. The only adults I refer to by their last name are my professors now. I’m not gonna call my coworker Mr. Smith. Unless I’m in a very formal setting last names aren’t used. Even in those it’s something like “Mr. Smith, I presume?” “Please, call me John.”

5. I think you would come off as overly formal to the point of strange. Like if you wore a tuxedo every day just running errands.

   But hey, someone has to lead the charge. If this is something you care about be the change you want to see in the world.

6. That would rub a whole lot of people the wrong way.

7. I mean this as kindly as possible, do you have ASD?

   People are going to think you’re weird and most people don’t want to be addressed this way. There are different settings for referring to people in a more formal manner, “everyone all the time” is not it.

   If you need help with social cues and skills there are resources out there.

8. It would be fine. I might think you were on the spectrum or developmentally delayed so I’d never protest or inquire why you’d do such a thing. If I discovered you were a neurotypical people and became friends and wanted to help you, I’d let you know about that being inappropriate.

   As long as you aren’t trying to impress people in the work place or something – do what you wanna do.

9. Unless you are a young child it would feel somehow insincere and awkwardly dated. I wouldn’t like it and would eventually feel forced to ask you to stop.

10. I used to manage construction crews and I despised Mr. Firstname. Call me sir if you have to, or call me by my first name. If I am addressing someone high up in the company I work for, even up to the CEO, I am addressing them by their first name.

    If I heard you call someone Mr. firstname and you were a patron in their store, I’d think you were missing a chromosome.

11. If somebody called me Mr. Firstname I would avoid them at all costs.

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13. I would find it odd.

    If we knew each other and you started doing this, I would think that you were sucking up.

14. I would find it weird, but not that weird. Several of the doorstaff in my building refer to me as Ms [first name]. I am younger than all of them. They generally refer to other residents as Mr/Mrs/Ms [last name], but I have a difficult to pronounce surname.

15. Most of the time if someone called me “sir” I’d assume they’re either being particularly passive aggressive, or they’re trying to get my attention to ask me something or sell me something. If someone calls me Mr “Lastname” I assume they’re trying to sell me something.

    Just call me by my name. If you don’t know it and need to get my attention for something, just say, “excuse me”.

    I find using these sorts of phrases/terms to add formality really uncomfortable and weird.

16. So you want to be quirky? That’s fine. Quirky people are fun.

    I can’t think of a scenario in which this would be inappropriate, but keep in mind some people will be a little confused about what you’re trying to say. They might think you’re being overly formal or standoffish.

17. You are 27. As an adult, the usage of Ms/Mr first name should be reserved for folks who are much older than you. Not your peers. That’s why it feels off. Shoot, at 27, little kids would call you Ms/Mr CamoGamer123.

18. The only time other adults call me sir or Mr. LastName is if they’re meeting me for the very first time in a business context. Even then it isn’t necessary, they are just trying to be professional.

    Ms/Mr FirstName will always either sound like a joke or condescending with really no in between. It’s just really bizarre, especially with strangers.

19. > growing up I would refer to adults this way

    Because you were a child, a the social norms around you in Texas were especially concerned with the power disparity between adults and children. It wasn’t just “polite” in general. Doing it as an adult is definitely weird, and not at all consistent with the power dynamic.

    Seriously, “Mr. Firstname” is the sort of pattern that black people were forced to use with white people in the Jim Crow days, that white people did not use with each other. Don’t try to bring it back. I have no idea why you have seen “most people would consider this strange” but then go on with the next sentence to “I will try it.”