My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. My last relationship in the past was horrible and I felt like I couldn’t open up about certain things or problems but I have been trying to get better and my boyfriend has seen that.
Since the beginning of the relationship my boyfriend has asked me to go bungee jumping. I have since day 1 voiced that I hated the idea and I don’t like the idea of falling and we move on then he’ll ask me again. Same thing goes with eye surgery for Lasik, I have horrible vision but am scared of surgeries and he has said it’s a discussion we need to have because if were to have kids he doesn’t want glasses to “get in the way”. I’ve just told him no, I’m not comfortable and we move on.
We just recently had a hugeee blow up because he’s been trying to make me go to the gym and I keep pushing it off and he said I need to get out of my “comfort zone”, which I agree with but let me do it on my own. It turned into a huge argument and all the past things with the Lasik, bungee jumping and gym came up. I told him to stop pressuring me into certain things and if I am not comfortable to please respect that. He said he didn’t know I was uncomfortable and asked why I didn’t voice myself earlier. I told him I did and obviously this is also coming up because of the whole gym situation.
Yesterday we had a talk because I voiced that I didn’t like how he just read or reacted to my messages when we were having an active conversation. I told him if he’s busy to just let me know and we can pick up on it when he’s free. Well today it happened again and I asked a question, he read it and didn’t reply. I messaged him again saying we just talked about this yesterday, if you’re busy say so and he then replied saying he doesn’t talk to me when I’m in a “mood” and doesn’t feel like he can talk to me about his problems anymore because I’ll “judge” him or it’ll blow up in his face 2 months later and there’s no winning. I’m kind of lost because I told him this was obviously a bigger conversation now and I don’t want either of us to feel that we cant talk to each other and I don’t know what to do because I feel like I started all of this.
TLDR: Boyfriend of 6 months feels like he cant open up to me about problems as it’ll “hurt me” and blow up in his face in the future.
10 comments
It sounds like he really doesn’t like or respect you. You have only been together for six months, and he has spent a lot of that time trying to change you into the person he actually wants to be with. Now he feels he can’t have a healthy relationship with you – and he is almost surely right, because he doesn’t want you at all. If what he has to say is how much he wants you to change and be the kind of person he actually wants to be with, then you won’t fix that with communication.
I hate to be that person who says dump him… but dump him.
You told him it makes you uncomfortable but he flat out ignored you and blames you for “not telling him” when you did. I wouldn’t put up with someone who’s constantly shutting on my boundaries.
Also how are glasses going to get in the way of child bearing????? I have glasses. I need them to see. I hate the idea of Lasix for myself too, it’s terrifying. Like?! Wtf?! I don’t understand his point of view on that.
You’ve been clear about your boundaries and he seems to not care enough to listen to you when you try to tell him no.
Edit: typos
So, your boyfriend is a controlling jerk who tries to micromanage your health and personal life. Is that right?
Why are you still dating this guy? It’s only been six months, surely you can do better. Find yourself somebody that appreciate you for who you are.
You need to be open to the very real possibility that “not hearing you” is a tactic he uses to not have to address anything you say he doesn’t like.
It is important that he can trust you to express himself! However, if he using that distrust as an excuse to avoid having to address legitimate issues you raise — instead of addressing building that trust as a mutual problem — then he’s just making the choice to ignore you when he’s not happy with what you have to say to him.
Honestly, he sounds a bit too dumb to date for a man of 30 years of age to me. (How the hell do glasses “get in the way”?)
I fail to see how you’re the problem here.
Girl, he sounds exhausting. He carps on you about things you’re not interested in, and then pretends you never said anything. Now, he’s whining that “he can’t talk to you” because you called him out on his shit.
Throw the whole man away. This is not a relationship. Or you could argue about fucking bungee jumping 18910 more times while he pretends you didn’t.
Communication is key in any relationship. It’s important that you both feel comfortable talking to each other and addressing issues as they come up. Have an open and honest conversation about how you can work on building trust and communication in your relationship.
You guys are CLEARLY not compatible
And you’re aware that this is a manipulation tactic on his part, yes?
You’ve been dating him for 6 months. You’re not married to him. You don’t have to put up with this. You’re both not compatible with each other. Just move on, go next.