Sort of a long story. I (M27) met this girl (F22) a while back. We hit it off and had a ton in common. We started talking kinda serious but she was going through some crazy stuff (not gonna disclose too much for privacy reasons). She’d gone through a messy breakup back in September and gotten into an fwb situation with her best friend but that was over cuz she caught feels and he wasn’t ready. Some stuff was going on with her house and she told me she wanted to press pause until things calmed down. We were “friends” but still flirting a lot, texting everyday, FaceTiming all the time, couple dates. Then she told me the pressure of a pause was getting to her so we decided on just friends.
Despite this we made out one night. But later that same night I walked up to see her make out with two other guys. I told her the next day that I couldn’t do the whole friends thing cuz I was really into her and it all just kinda sucked for me. She understood and we went our separate ways. But a couple days later she came back and admitted that she missed me. She said she’d freaked out when we kissed cuz she got butterflies and she had been in denial about liking me. She admitted that she had been hoping her friend would come around but had decided to let that go and that she wanted to try and do this thing with me. So I said what the hell. Just as long as we agreed to be open and honest with our communication.
We went back to flirting texting and FaceTiming. Shared some stuff including some embarrassing stories in an effort to get to know each other. One night we were hanging out with two of her friends. We had them watch an old vid of me from 15 years ago cuz it was funny and kinda cringe. She hadn’t wanted to watch herself cuz she was scared of getting the “ick” but wanted to see their reaction. Sure enough it was hilarious. But one of her friends started going on about how I looked exactly the same, especially my weight. She and I had talked about how my weight is sort of a sore spot since I was a chubby kid. Myself, the other friend and she all sort of shouted him down but he kept going. To get him to stop, I gave him a little smack across the face, not hard, but enough to get his attention.
He immediately got super serious and started yelling at me. I tried to apologise but he wouldn’t take it. Got super tense. The other two guys soon started joking around and moved on. I could tell she was uncomfortable (as was I tbh) but she didn’t want to talk about it. I was sort of rubbing her back to make her feel better. She ended up going home shortly after while the guys and I went out and had fun at a club. The next day I apologised to the guy again and he assured me he had forgotten within five minutes. But I didn’t hear from her until late that evening. She told me she was super uncomfortable and didn’t want to see or talk to me again and that she didn’t want me in her life. No conversation, full stop. And I don’t know what to do, because I still really like her.
TL;DR I screwed up an interaction with a girls friend and now she won’t talk to me.
7 comments
You’re a 27 year old man who smacked someone’s face over teasing and you don’t know if you screwed up? My dude, come on now.
Did any of the “crazy stuff she’d been through” have to do with domestic violence? If so, she could’ve felt very triggered by it.
If not, then it’s really up in the air why she freaked
I think it’s best to give her some space and respect her decision to not want you in her life. It sucks, but sometimes things just don’t work out.
Yeah man, you probably messed up. You can’t control her, if she wants you out then there’s nothing for you to do.
She probably didn’t think the slap was appropriate, and was probably genuinely scared of a confrontation while you were just uncomfortable.
She saw a side of yourself that she didn’t like. Cold turkey, move on. In time she may reach back out to you again, but that’s up to her.
> She told me she was super uncomfortable and didn’t want to see or talk to me again and that she didn’t want me in her life.
> And I don’t know what to do, because I still really like her.
It’s concerning that you think you have options here. She’s been clear; all you can do is respect her wishes and let it go. For the record, you did shoot yourself in the foot. You got violent with someone over what was supposed to be a light hearted, silly situation. You need to think about what led you to this action and how you can avoid such situations in the future.
You got to have patience with people like that. When people look at your face to gauge your emotional reaction to being insulted you should smile and roll your eyes at them like what the fuck is this guys deal. Let him see you do it, hopefully it sends him further down the path of being an asshole making himself look worse or even trying to be physical with you to illicit the reaction he is looking for and giving you a reason to lay hands on him in a way people respect.
People can really relate to having to deal with rude assholes. Play off their empathy in that situation by being the likable dude that just wants the confrontation to end and the annoying drama starter to stop.
Honestly, your FIRST mistake was when you got together. She flat out told you she was holding out for her friend, and when that didn’t work out, you were the backup plan. You were ALWAYS the backup plan, which means she’s not nearly invested enough in this relationship to put up with this sort of bullshit. She’s going to move on to her other options. Don’t be surprised though, if after a few months, she reaches back out. That means she didn’t find a better one.