I have no vices like alcohol consumption, tobacco, pot or any other similar stuff.
My family and upbringing are not conservative but vices like these are still looked down upon. I also personally don’t see the appeal of consuming alcohol to feel good.
Having said that, I am also tired of being lonely. All three of my heartbreaks have been of the same kind- smart, mature, trustworthy, friendly guy but I like your friend better, can we be friends instead?
The three friends which got into relationships with these three girls were all sort of like me except they look better and / or have had the opportunity to have lots of interesting stories- overseas travels, fancy restaurants, etc. We couldn’t afford it so all I know a lot about is board games, movies and other indoorsy stuff.
It doesn’t help that I am good at my job, was good at school, college- you name it. When girls come to know about it somehow, I can feel them getting bored. It’s a vicious cycle- I am awkward around new girls or girls I have an interest in because I don’t have experience. I don’t have experience because I am awkward.
I am 24M and have an older friend, 32M who has been insanely successful with girls in his 20s- casual, long term, one night stands, even overseas. He suggested that I can’t be both unattractive and uptight and since I can only change one, I should consider drinking. Girls like “fun” and “chilled out” guys.
I am not a fan of the idea but it does make sense. I am not looking for completely casual relationships where I know it’s not gonna work out but I am willing to give chance to any and all relationships wher there’s a more than 50-50 chance of it becoming serious.
6 comments
If you made it to age 24 without drinking, I’d keep going. If you want to use drugs to update your personality, drinking is the last one I’d recommend.
Drinkers are always trying to corrupt non drinkers. Your friend is good with girls cause of who he is, not cause he drinks.
Drinking doesn’t solve any problem. You should work on the root cause and not on the easy solution that just works when you are drunk….
Hey OP, I for starters, what your older friend said about you being “unattractive and uptight” is not kind nor supportive. As a woman, I know that there are women in the world who would be intrigued by your work and the things that make your mind tick. As you mentioned your past relationships not working out, that just happens sometimes. You’re only 24 years old, and plenty of other people are on Earth to meet. You have had the success of being in three relationships so far, you must have grown and learned something from each of them– keep going as you are, because you are much more unique than you give yourself credit for.
Also, I think that once you rely on alcohol in order to be more social, you will have a hard time being genuinely and naturally social without it. I speak from experience; I have been drinking from age 16-26 (I am now 3 weeks sober), purely as a crutch in social settings. Every time I was intoxicated, I felt like I was not myself. Alcohol is a drug afterall, and it is a depressive which makes you lose your cognitive functioning and control of your body. I can assure you that your dependence will grow, and everytime you are in a social situation, you could begin to feel the urge to drink, and fill up your cup once the effects wear off, leading you to drink more to sustain what you felt earlier– a vicious cycle.
A lot of introverts become alcoholics. Don’t do it! Just stand by the food.
Alcohol intoxication is a path to the dark side. It has ruined many lives, dont let yourself become part of the next alcoholism statistic.
> The three friends which got into relationships with these three girls were all sort of like me except they look better and / or have had the opportunity to have lots of interesting stories- overseas travels, fancy restaurants, etc. We couldn’t afford it so all I know a lot about is board games, movies and other indoorsy stuff.
This is your main problem. It sounds like you don’t have as many interesting life experiences. Which isn’t a deal-breaker, it just means you shouldn’t be focusing the conversation on your experiences, at least until you’ve done more interesting hobbies, work, or life experience.
Want to know how to keep a girl from getting bored? Get her to talk about herself. Read up on “active listening” and practice it next time your friends or coworkers are talking about something. All you need is paraphrasing and open-ended questions, even repeating the last significant thing they said questioningly, to get them to continue and explain more. You’ll be a natural before you know it.
Work on fundamentals before trying to involve alcohol, which is easily misused. 1 or 2 drinks, max, can help relax and get into a flow of conversation, but you don’t really need it and overdoing it is worse than not drinking at all. Even if you hit that sweet spot, it’s useless if you don’t know how to talk to women.