(18f) since puberty i have been really insecure about the fact that i have an outie vagina, which i know is totally normal. i’ve been fixated on this part of my body for so long and i am literally INCAPABLE of getting over this insecurity. i’ve had opportunities to have sex with people but i never actually did anything (where my vagina was visible) bc of this insecurity. i cry over this so much and i just hate myself so so much. i am gonna hook up with a girl in a couple of weeks and i trust her with my life but i am starting to freak out. i know she won’t judge me but i’m afraid she won’t find my vagina attractive at all. does anybody know how to get over this type of insecurity bc it is holding me back sm?
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The best person for you to be talking to is a therapist. I don’t know your situation, but if you are attending a post-secondary institution you may have access to one there. If you have work benefits, that could also help you to access one.
When you think about your vulva (the part on the outside with “lips” that you’re struggling with), can you identify any specific negative thoughts or feelings about it, specific fears of what might happen, that are central to your anxieties?
Sorry to hear you have this insecurity about your body. But trust me when I tell you, your outie is loved by more people than it is not. I personally prefer an outie vs an innie. And in case you haven’t looked on Reddit, there are at least a dozen subs directly focusing/loving/worshipping outies. Good luck with your “hook up” and please relax and feel better about yourself.
Would you be weirded out by a woman with an outie?
You know what I do when I have insecurities about my body (which I do)? I tell the people I am with. I see that their reaction is reassuring. I feel safe with them and never feel insecure about it again (at least not with them), and sex is carefree. If someone does reject you for any aspect of you, that is their problem, not yours. But then again I can’t see who would reject anyone for an outie vagina. I didn’t even know that was a thing to be worried about until I saw posts here on Reddit about it. I think they are cute and floral personally.
I understand being insecure about it. In my casenInahd an accident as a child that caused permanent disfigurement to my vulva area. So, not just a variation of normal like you have, actual fucked upednesss. I am *incredibly* self conscious about it and hate it more than I can say.
But you know what? Not one person has EVER said or done anything to make me feel bad about it or given any indication that they thought it was in any way bad or ugly. Not one.
You just have to take the plunge and then you’ll have the experience of it not mattering to your partner, which I think will do more than all the verbal reassurance in the world
I had to google the difference between an innie and outtie. Turns out I have an outtie and truthfully I think it is more visually appealing. There’s no reason to be self conscious
Sometimes the best thing to help someone in their journey of self acceptance is experiencing the acceptance from other people. It’s part of human nature. With that being said, you are young and you have SO much time to be sexual. You are also in the age range where it is normal to be preoccupied with appearances. Knowing you will be vulnerable to criticism, start out by being really careful who you let in to that side of yourself. Make sure they are truly kind, caring, and want you for you. NOT because your body is undesirable, but because you want to weed out the assholes. We are all self conscious of something, including your potential partners and most of them are more concerned about what you will think of their insecurities more than what they will think of yours.
Whether it’s your labia or your weight or your nose, one careless comment can be remembered for life so take your time and only give yourself to the good ones.
>i am literally INCAPABLE of getting over this insecurity
You are not *literally* incapable. Stop using defeatist language. Maybe you’re not able to get over it alone or as quickly as you want, but you’re totally capable. To believe otherwise only holds you back and provides no value.
>i’ve been fixated on this part of my body for so long
My advice would be to talk to a therapist about this. Whenever someone describes something that they can’t control like compulsive behavior; crippling, intrusive thoughts; or unhealthy fixations, it makes me think of something deep rooted that’s too big and deep to resolve without professional help.
This is speculation, but I would go out on a limb and guess that you have some self-esteem issues, significant anxiety, or both that manifests in other ways. If so, they’re all probably symptoms of the same problem. Just like if you had a physical illness, you’d go to a doctor to get it taken care of, you should seek treatment for your mental/emotional problems so they stop holding you back.
My wife has an “outie” I love it, seriously don’t worry about it, you’re fine, honestly
As a guy, it feels soooooo good to rub my face on an outie vagina. Nom nom nom
Also, your brain hates you and wants you to be miserable, that is why it puts all these barriers up to keep you from having happy loving relationships. But that’s how everyone’s brain is.
Go to Instagram and view the profile called “the vulva gallery” you aren’t alone!
Your title uses the word “ruined” which makes it sound like it cannot be redeemed. That is absolutely not true. You are still very young and have lots of time to turn this around.
As other people have mentioned, do image searches. Do you know one of the biggest turn off for men when watching porn or having sex? Lip grip! As he slides out, seeing your pussy lips wrapped around him is visually and physically appealing.
You should also realize that “outie” is the more common state. The labia are there for a reason, and they elongate as a natural part of puberty. It means you have a healthy hormone system. Many of the women in porn who don’t have visible labia had them surgically removed. Unless yours are causing you pain when wearing clothing, you don’t need surgery. Do you know what most people are going to think when they get down there? “Oh my God! She is letting me touch her! This is so awesome! I hope I don’t screw up.”
I didn’t let people go down on my for years because the first woman I was with tasted horrible. I thought I might taste like that too. It turns out I missed out on years of pleasure because of an unfounded insecurity. Now, I do a taste test before an encounter and jump right in with the security of knowing that flavor was not normal. My outie labia are 100% normal though.
I was today years old when I learned I have an outie…I just thought they all looked different. Processing…