I (18M) recently started hooking up with my friend (19F) we took each other’s virginities a couple months ago and we’ve been occasionally hooking up since then. She complains that I try and move too fast into sex but every time I try and take her clothes off to caress her or touch her nipples she immediately puts them back on, telling me she doesn’t like to be naked. Even when I finger her, I’ll do it for a couple minutes at most, she’ll start to feel really wet, but then she’ll pull my hand away. I really don’t want to push her if she’s uncomfortable but I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. If anyone has any advice that would be greatly appreciated
38 comments
Maybe she just wants to start with a good old fashioned make out session. Foreplay doesn’t have to be touching her. It could be kissing leading up to sex.
Communication is key here. You need to communicate with her and see how she wants things to go.
Maybe blow on her? Or just admit there’s no future in this relationship
Have you tried being in complete darkness? Perhaps she would feel better knowing that her naked body can’t be seen.
Regarding the fingering, if she’s not pulling your hand away to signify that she’s ready for the next step, it may be because she is experiencing some discomfort/pain. It’s a very sensitive area down there and after being at it for a while, she may prefer a slower movement, more up/down movement, more lateral movement, etc. I would advice you to simply ask her. You could try different ways and ask her what she thinks of them.
Advice: talk to your partner, not random internet strangers. Communicate.
You’re going to have to ask! It doesn’t have to be unsexy –“I really want to make you feel good, what would you like me to do more of?” will work great.
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But a couple of ideas–kissing is always a good one, make sure you really cuddle up and get your bodies close, a lot of women like some “non-sexual” foreplay before touching genitals so a nice back rub or something like that, maybe she does like to be touched but would prefer through her clothes since she doesn’t like to be naked?
Ask her what she’s actually hoping for
Well to be clear, does she mean you move too fast to sex as in trying for sex when she wants to just hang out? Or you decide to have sex and you try to go straight to it?
Making out for longer is a good idea. Try to make out for like 20 minutes, or until she starts escalating things by touching you, then you can touch her back.
You’re going too fast obviously. Slow down. You’re making her nervous by ripping her clothes off straight away. You need to make her feel comfortable. Let her take the lead instead and see when she is escalating things. Ask her next time before just trying to take off her clothes and touch her.
Interestingly, touching nipples and fingering can both be aggressively stimulating for a woman, even if done with care. It seems like she wants to be touched through her clothes. That’s how many women, including me, prefer to be touched during foreplay.
You can also try doing foreplay without hardly touching her. Hint at a kiss and then pull back, that sort of thing. When things evolve, touch her close to her vulva but not quite there, linger near her thighs, tease her. Let her beg for your touch.
Maybe she doesn’t like you anymore?
I’m being serious, maybe she saw you as someone who she could trust to take away her virginity and later discovered that she’s not into you. Talk to her, this might be an interesting conversation but I’d have it if I were you
Just straight up ask her what she wants and likes.
You’re not. Find another girl.
> She complains that I try and move too fast into sex
That’s fine, and it’s important for this to be a problem that you both tackle together.
You want more intimacy and to feel desired, and she wants you not to move too fast into sex. She might want more foreplay. Maybe she just wants kissing with clothes one and no fingering ever. Maybe she just wants sessions where it’s just making out with clothes on.
If she wants those things it’s fine. It’s just important that you also feel wanted. So that might mean you sometimes just do make out sessions with clothes on. But other times you do the things that you enjoy.
You’ll have to talk with her and see what she’s open to.
> I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
If she doesn’t tell you what she wants or in anyway help you with this, then you can’t do more than that.
What you are doing wrong is assuming it’s 100% your job to seduce her perfectly. It’s on both of you to make it work.
Be willing to leave if it doesn’t get better. But remember that you’re both young, so it’s worth using this time to learn a few skills first, then leave.
Maybe dont
It sounds like you are moving too fast and making her uncomfortable… don’t do that
Op, are you making out with her first?
If not… that’s why!
You’re not setting the mood if you skip making out.
You’re destroying the mood by going straight to fingering and grabbing her breasts.
Women need kissing and caressing while clothing is on before you dive in anywhere.
It’s nothing like porn. Those women masturbate before going on camera hence why things move so quickly, why a woman in those films are READY to go.
Real women need you to make out first, caress with clothing on, kiss her neck, rub the outside of her thigh, etc… like you need to build MOMENTUM!
Touching the clit or nipples too soon can OVER stimulate a woman, where she can be turned off complete, then sex is off the table.
Mind Fuck her.
Are you guys naked and uncovered? Maybe getting into bed and being covered by at least a sheet would help. I personally don’t much enjoy laying out on display.
Make out, kiss her neck and behind her ears and on her back and side hairline, then her chest above her boobs, then see if she is open to gentle boob kisses and then nipple sucking.
Take your time on each of these steps. I’ve usually find that the neck kissed get her a bit more steamy, and dying for something more. Likewise, gently and consistent nipple sucking and licking can get her pussy wet and her clit aching for touch.
Don’t push it though, over a few sessions she might open up and let you get to the next ‘base’
I don’t really recommend groping boobs or butt or rubbing her crotch through clothes on a situation like this – it’s a bit gratuitous and rough whereas gentle direct skin contact seems to work better.
Well this one seems easy, get a different girl
Try building up her arousal before going under clothes. Try to keep her hot for at least 5-8 mins before touching breasts or genitals. Mental imagery and talk, shared breathing, touch parts of her body that arent typically so sexually charged. My ex had an obsession with the violin marks on my lower back. But i also like the areas around my collar bones for example, tracing it lightly with fingers. The skin is so soft there, enjoy it without sex being the end goal.
Also ask if something you are doing could feel better. I had an ex who would try to trace his finger tips over my arms in a light tease but his nails scratched me and it was so not sexy.
Do you talk her up through out the day? Tell her she’s beautiful and say little dirty things to get her hot and in the mood before she comes over? Or does she show up and you just go for it?
I had an ex that was exactly like this. They way around this, for her, was to keep the room dark and play under the sheets. Over time I’d leave a dim light on and she became more comfortable with the setting. Eventually the bed sheets were taken out of the equation. That was as far as it went with her but I feel like some real achievements were unlocked.
It sounds like she’s someone who requires more foreplay than you’re giving her. Try doing stuff w clothes on and wait till she initiates removing clothes or if she doesn’t, ask if you can. We only have guesses on what the issue is, though, so you’ll find your solution if you ask her to tell you/show you what she wants you to do
Setting a good tone could also be considered foreplay too. Like if you take her out to a sit down restaurant for dinner that’s within your price range and not something like McDonald’s. Go on walks and learn more about each other. Be cheesy as hell, like if you see a flower give it to her and she’ll likely laugh and call you a dork or something but laughter is a win.
TLDR: Foreplay doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual.
Since you’re both young and are going through this experience together she’s probably still learning about her body and sexuality. She might not 100% know what she likes or doesn’t like yet and that’s fine. Also at that age I remember hating the sight of my body and never really got comfortable being completely naked in front of a guy with the lights on until like 25. It took a very caring, encouraging and understanding partner to change that.
Also she told you you’re going to fast maybe start fixing that.
Reckon you dont. Find one that like to play.
I can only think of the force!
Train yourself in the ways of the Jedi.
May the force be with you!
Tbh this might boil down to a compatibility issue. I wouldn’t want to sleep with someone who refuses to be naked. Is this actually worth troubleshooting?
You need to learn about consent. You don’t remove somebody’s clothes or progress sexually without asking. She has made it clear that she isn’t comfortable with your pacing, so you clearly haven’t come to an understanding of what she wants. You need to ask, and get enthusiastic consent **before** doing anything. Don’t badger her. Don’t make a goal of where things need to lead. Sex is about mutually desired, mutually pleasurable, and enthusiastically agreed upon activities.
I was like this when I first started being active. I was just self conscious and ashamed of my body. I still am but it’s not as bad as it was in the beginning. My husband helped me a lot by complimenting me
Just communicate with her
There is a lot of foreplay you can do before taking off clothes.
> She complains that I try and move too fast into sex but every time I try and take her clothes off to caress her
Yeah that makes sense? You are basically saying “she complains I move too fast but when I move too fast she doesn’t like it”
Taking off her clothes counts as moving too fast.
A lot of women don’t feel sexually aroused just by touch. It’s important to do things to make her want it. When you do it like what you are doing it’s just straight into sex. While caressing/touching nipples etc. is foreplay, it is also sex. Try to tease her, dirty talk. If she isn’t turned on and you just go straight to touching then yeah obviously she is uncomfortable.
we girls love words…and yes are very uncomfortable with our bodies…compliment her…make her love her body ….give her compliments ….play with your words not just kiss kiss kiss…
1) tell her how much u adore her body and especially the parts she is insecure about
2) even while kissing play with your words eg” you’re doing amazing…fuck u turn me on”
3)after making out tell her u loved it…spend some time with her…like talk to her about how she liked it…
thats the before during and after….
i think she will open up way more in some time
Foreplay can include: dirty talk, over the clothes petting, grinding, kissing, etc. Foreplay doesn’t mean you *have* to be without clothes and imho, it riles my bf up 100% more if I’m kissing/petting him while he’s still dressed
Just talk to her. Tell her what you feel, what you want to do, what you want her to do. Ask her what she thinks about that. Fuck her mind.
You have to take into account that it’s the beginning for both of you and it’s good to start slow, but if after a few month you dislike go it goes with her you have the right to look elsewhere. Don’t let people tell you because you are the man your preferences doesn’t matter, or matter less.
A lot of girls don’t need to make out 20min before touching a nipple or don’t want to be naked. I personally wouldn’t like that at all. Just never force your preferences to people and don’t let them force theirs to you.