I’m only at 4 years and the sex is boring. I’m down to try new things (except anal and fisting and anything extreme) but it seems like my boyfriend just settles for whatever he’s given. He doesn’t go out of his way to bring new ideas to the table. I am a giver, so I go out of my way to make him feel good by changing rhythms, positions, etc and make sure he finishes every time. He doesn’t reciprocate. I’ve brought it up before but nothing changes. I always end up finishing with a toy, by myself. It’s sad. I’m only 25.
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It takes two – and both of you need to be enthusiastic and committed to it. Clearly he is not. So if sex is important to you it may be time to consider this may be the end of the road for this partnership.
I recommend reading Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel.
Yes, it’s sad and frustrating and hurtful. I had a previous partner exactly like that. I tried to communicate it, but no change. So once when we had sex I stopped before he was done and went to bathroom. He was like what? And I said that’s exactly how I feel everytime. Do you like it? Because it is going to be like this from now on. He didn’t like it at all. I told him that after the talk we had previously he didn’t change anything and it’s not fair to me that I should feel unsatisfied. So I expect him to be active either before intercourse and bring me to the orgasm or after but I will not do it for him if it is not reciprocated. Or it’s time to go different ways because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life that way. He tried for a while and it got better. But then he cheated on me (I assume that she didn’t make him work for it 🤭), so it was not such a blow especially knowing that she didn’t win any special prize with him. Once I found my next partner I wondered how could I be so blind and settled for bad to mediocre sex before. There are men who are willing to go above and beyond for you.
Damn. That’s not good. My wife and I have been married 15 years and it only gets better. Her climax is always my main priority. Ladies first. We do it all. A year ago we started using toys. New experience for the both of us. Maybe try asking him if he’d like to watch before you give him any. Play hard to get. Tell him no. Make him want you. Demand that he make you come before he gets any. Lol
My husband and I were eachothers first. We started out just having “vanilla sex” for the first year or so just to get to know each other and after that we changed it up a bit. We did some research about power dynamics (Dom & Sub), bought and tried different toys, changed places, tired out different kinky areas and we keep finding new things we like to try.
We got together 2015 and are still very sexually active. Right now we’re trying for our first baby which makes sex even more common and fun because we don’t have to worry about the pill or condoms.
Communication and experimentation.
Both people have to be on board with that put on the effort.
Over time you will develop such a diverse list of fun ways to play that you won’t need to add new things very often to keep things fresh.
Over the last 6 months, I don’t think my wife and I have done the same thing twice in a row even once.
Communication and effort. Your partner is selfish and making no effort. Will he be better at 35, 45, 55? How will you feel by then?
The answer to the above dictates what you should do now.
If he changes, ok it could be good, but if he doesn’t, how will you feel by then?
You ask how do you keep the good sex going, but I’m not seeing anything to suggest your sex with him was ever good.
Are you sure you’re asking the right question?
You say you’ve brought it up, but how serious of a conversation was it? Was it jut a question like can you help get me to orgasm more? Or an actual discussion?
This situation sounds real bad. I don’t see how you can remain that unsatisfied all your life. So it’s better to have the difficult discussion now before it gets too far down the resentment path. Have you ever tried the mojoupgrade quiz together? That may be good ice breaker and get the conversation started in a way to say I want to have more and different sexual experiences with YOU. way better than a generic “make me come or else” 😂.
And by the way don’t take anal play off the table completely if you’re just scared of pain. You don’t have to do penetration to have fun down there.
I always make sure my gf comes before me! Part of the ritual.
My wife and I have recently experimented with locking me in chastity.
The hole dynamic of our sex life changed for the better.
Each to their own, but when I’m locked up there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
I even become more romantic toward her.
We have been married 16 years this year and our sex life has never been so exciting.
if your partner is not reciprocating it won’t get better only worse. If you have to finish yourselfd all the time your sex life is doomed. You deserve better.
Was your partner always like this?
Sure, people can become “lazy” in the relationship after time passes. But, is this a “laziness” thing or has your partner never prioritized your pleasure?
I am always the person that asks, why.
If you have brought this up before and it never changes. Then you deserve to know why it doesn’t change. This can and probably will be a tough conversation that may indeed turn into an argument. But, in the end, you deserve to know why your pleasure is not prioritized. Why nothing has changed after multiple conversions. And, what you are expected to do with this situation.
I am going to make an educated predication that your partner will… Take this personally. Get defensive. Shift the blame to you. Make excuses. Etc. Etc.
But, as unpleasant as it probably will be, you deserve to know these answers and you can’t make any decisions going forward until you know these things.
YMMV
I keep finding new things to do. I keep trying new positions. New kinks. Discovering. That’s what mes it fun (21 years).
I’ve been in a handful of long term relationships and this is common, but I will say about a solid half of the time the men I’ve been involved with turned to porn to satisfy their need for novelty instead of work with me to improve our sex life, and then weren’t ever motivated to make it better with me. It’s the lazier route that screws you over. I wasn’t ever really able to ever pull them out of that and I would leave. You deserve back the effort you’re willing to give to keep your sex life deepening.