So, bit of background:
My[M25] Gf[F25] has a close male friend she went to college with. I’ve never met him; all I know is they know each other from school and he now lives in another city. A few months ago, he came to town so my gf and him could get tattoo’s together, and hang out for a few days. Now fast forward to present; he invited her to his house warming party for his new house in the other city and to stay for a few days. I’m slowly starting to feel weird about it. Now the points I should mention:
– she once casually mentioned he “only communicates over Snapchat”. She also said that the only reason she still has Snapchat is because that’s how he talks to her. Just seems a bit odd.
– she did not suggest I come around or meet him when he was here, although I didn’t outright ask to either.
-she asked me if I “was okay with this” when she mentioned going out of town to stay at his place. I said “yes” because I don’t want to be the one to keep her from her friends, and I really don’t have any reason to think something would happen.
– after the going out of town conversation, she’s been acting extra loving towards me. Like lots of verbal affirmations.
– we’ve been dating for almost a year I’ll add
Just not sure how to feel about this now. I obviously want her to see her friends and have a life outside of just me, but I can’t help that this feels a bit weird, mostly due to the first 2 points. Any advice?
tl;dr: GF staying with male friend and I’m feeling weird about it, along with a couple strange observations.
8 comments
Why did you never meet him when he came into town? It’s just odd that she would not want you to meet one of her supposedly very good friends. That alone was strange, and the fact that they only speak on a disappearing message app is also really strange.
Maybe try to get to know him through social media or messaging before she goes so you can feel more comfortable?
Tattoos, not meeting you, snapchatting only and inviting her to stay at his place alone… sounds anything but good.
This sounds like a redflag to me. I ver he’s not just a “friend”
You should have a conversation with her. Tell her that you’re starting to wonder a bit about this guy, and ask her whether you have any reason to be worried — has she ever been interested in him, has he ever been interested in her? Why does he communicate only through SnapChat? Why didn’t she want to introduce you to each other when he came to town? Is it your imagination, or has she been trying to affirm your relationship before going out of town?
You’ve been dating long enough so that you should have the standing to ask these questions. Just be sure to have the conversation with curiosity, rather than making any accusations. You don’t want to come across as overbearing, you just want her to help you understand this important relationship in her life.
1. You need a backbone
2. Yes they are going to have sex
3. You’re 25 you need to be more situationally aware or life’s gonna destroy you
Well, “only communicates over Snapchat” is a big red flag. So is the matching tattoos. That this guy is so important to her, and she’s never even considered introducing you isn’t a great sign either. Does this guy even know you exist?
She’s been extra lovey after setting these plans because she knows it’s sketchy AF and she needs to make you feel extra secure in the relationship until then. When she gets back, expect that treatment to end. Keep your radar up, there’s definitely some important things you don’t know about this situation yet.
This is a boundary issue. Yes people are allowed to have friends. However, many _many_ people will not be comfortable with their partner staying with someone of the opposite sex.