So me (19F) and my boyfriend (20M) have been together for 3 years now. We were talking last night and he politely brought it to my attention that he thinks we are sexually different, him being sexual and me not being very.
I knew this, but I struggle to think about ways and in general I’m not a very sexual thinker. We are opposites in that way. I want to be able to learn to be more sexual, since he is my first, I never got to experience anything else outside of him. We agreed we would try to compromise and he would stop being as sexual and I would try to be a little more sexual.
Any advice how I could help meet more in the middle, or learn to be more sexual? I do want to try!
5 comments
I would start with just asking him like “hey is there anything we haven’t tried that you’d like to?”. Talk about any kinks or fetishes he may have, or that you have that you can start trying out.
You could also initiate sometimes if you aren’t already, this helped us a lot. I love sex but I feel weird initiating and it made my husband feel like I didn’t want him. Also doing things that’s aren’t just sex, sometimes I’ll just randomly give my husband a bj to completion or like last night he was tired and stressed, I was super horny and he wasn’t down to have sex, so I milked his cock to help him destress. Oh just randomly flashing is good too!
If at the very least try initiating and randomly grouping sprinkled in with nudes occasionally.
I see [this](https://mojoupgrade.com/) thrown around a lot for people in your situation. It’s a test both you and your partner take and then it shows both of you only the things that both of you said you were into.
Masturbate more. Get in touch with your own sexuality. Buy some clothes that make you feel sexy. Buy some sex toys. watch some porn while you are alone and discover what excites you. Buy a pussy pump which will increase the blood flow to your genitals and increase your arousal and wetness. Do Kegals which will strengthen your vaginal muscles, increase the intensity of your orgasms,, and increase his pleasure as well
Come As You Are is a book that is highly recommended for women in this exact scenario, among others.
A combination of social norms, responsive desire and other biological reasons make it so that a lot of women are less sexually driven than the average guy. Especially responsive desire results in what you described as not being a ‘sexual thinker’. In my experience most women don’t put all that much thought into sex and this results in them also not really knowing themselves on that front. This is such a shame because as a woman you are able to experience much more pleasure in many different ways than men. It is thus a great idea to become more knowledgeable and in touch with yourself. I would suggest reading “Come as you are” to get a better understanding in general and use that as a starting point. I would also suggest starting to masturbate and try to remind yourself to actively think about what interests you. Be it by watching porn, reading erotica, posts on this or other subreddits. Also, talk with your bf about his and your fantasies, start small and be sure to read up on stuff beforehand (especially anal lol). It’s all about creating a certain mindset and attitude towards sex. Try to see it as something fun to explore.
I saw in a different comment that you dislike porn but have you tried to search for women friendly porn? I could see how a woman looking at the regular porn sites would be turned off by the content. There are subreddits for it, r/chickflixxx for example.
Take everything with a grain of salt, I’m just a random guy who likes to read up on this stuff and by no means an expert.