Tonight my husband told me he’s fallen out of love with me. We’ve been married for just over a year and together for almost 5.
The conversation began regarding current family matters, there is something going on with his family and we have different view points on the situation. Things have felt tense but I was thinking we’d diffuse. The talk turned in a direction when he said he doesn’t believe our wedding vows anymore, that over the last few months he doesn’t love me the same anymore. I feel blindsided. I did not see this coming and don’t know what to do. Can our marriage be saved?
4 comments
In all honesty, the “love hormones” that someone feels usually last 18 months to 5 years. This sounds around the timeline, where at the 5 year mark these died off for him. It’s quite literally biological and no one’s fault. That’s why people say to marry your best friend, I believe. Because once those hormones are gone, it just matters if that person is actually compatible with you, as a friend, and therefore partner.
Maybe, if a lot of lust was involved especially, I would ask him to hang out together as one would with friends. Having common interests, etc. Learn about each other again. You might find that family feeling which is seems he’s looking for. I don’t think it’s over, I just think you need to see if you’re compatible as people. Not just lovers.
If you can get him to go to counseling, you might be able to, but it almost sounds as if he’s already made a decision that’s Harder
Umm, do you want to save your marriage after he said he doesn’t love you anymore and that he doesn’t believe in your wedding vows?
Relationships ebb and flow. That feel good “in love” feeling has to be nurtured. In other words, both of you choose to put work into your relationship daily. As long as the 2 of you arent fundamentally different, the feelings often do return quickly. And, generally, they never truly disappeared if you were genuinely in love with the person. More like life/complacency/stress get in the way.
It especially applies in your situation considering the family struggles your husband is having and the fact that the 2 of you arent seeing eye to eye on how to handle it. You have to carefully pick your battles. Is it more important to he right, or for your husband to feel like you 2 are on the same team?
The part that I find deeply concerning is that he stated he doesnt believe in your marriage vows. That is another issue altogether. It implies that he isn’t looking to work on this lack of connection.