My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months. He’s a competitive video game player, and before we started dating I always used to go to his tournaments (weekly). Around January, a month into our relationship, he stopped going to the tournaments because he said he didn’t find interest in the game as much as he used to, and the spirit of competition wasn’t there anymore. In our city, there will be the first big tournament and he doesn’t want to miss it (it’s in April), which is understandable. He wants to train and get back into the game before the big tournament so he’s started going back to the weekly ones. We don’t spend that much time together everyday since he has a job and I’m at university, but we are together as much as we can be.
Note: I’m a student in a foreign country so I don’t have my family here (I live alone) and I barely have close friends like he does (he’s lived here his whole life)
Because we’re always together, he hangs out with his friends way less.
Recently, he told me he prefers going to the weekly tournaments alone and I didn’t understand why because before I had always accompanied him and there was no issue (from my POV). However, he said that people don’t approach him like they usually would because they’re intimidated that we are always together and no one really speaks to him because he automatically puts all of his attention on me. I told him that I don’t mind if he pays attention to other people or goes and hangs out with them, and I prefer that than just being alone in my apartment. He told me that he was always scared to go and speak to others in fear that I would feel left out and abandoned. He also said that he doesn’t feel comfortable leaving me out, and that he can’t concentrate while he’s in game because there are weird guys there who approach girls who are alone the first chance they get (it hasn’t happened to me though). I understand his fears but it hurts that he doesn’t want me there… I feel like he’s trying to separate me from his hobbies and I feel left out. I don’t know what to do.
I can’t say he chooses the game over me since there have been numerous times where he chose to spend time with me instead of going to tournaments, or even just not playing online with his friends like he’d normally do. But I feel like now I’m being pushed away. This morning he told me he wasn’t sure if he’d go tonight but I saw he signed up without telling me and was probably going to tell me last minute.
TL;DR! – my boyfriend doesn’t want me to be around during his e-sport tournaments and it makes me feel abandoned, because I want to make efforts for us to be together as much as we can, but he has his reasons that can’t be changed
5 comments
You need to start making friends and finding your own hobbies besides HIM before you end up getting dumped for being codependent.
It’s important for each person in a relationship to have their own individual hobbies and interests. Maybe you could use the tournament nights to do something that you enjoy as well, or make plans with your own friends. You don’t have to be attached at the hip all the time.
You need to find some friends.
Just because you are in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that you have to be around each other every second of every day.
It’s very healthy to have your own friends and hobbies.
if he is spending a good amount of time with you outside of this then i’m sorry to say that you’re going to have to find a way to be okay with it. it’s normal and healthy for people in relationships to have their own stuff that doesn’t necessarily involve the other.
You have to find interests and hobbies of your own. In a healthy relationship it’s common and very very important to have things that are just your own.
This doesn’t mean he likes you less. Everyone needs alone time even from people they love. Finding things of your own interests to do , and a few close people is going to make you feel much better. And with you being from a foreign country, you relying on your bf for (all) social stimulation and emotional support will come back and bite you if you break up.
You also have to be willing to take a step back. Your bf shouldn’t need to force you away or “send” you away. He’s trying to carefully explain that he needs space at times which you do as well.
This will turn codependent and suffocating very quickly if you don’t have a life outside of him. It seems great now that you’re together 24/7 and do everything together but that doesn’t work for most people long-term.