My (M29) girlfriend (F28) of two years accused me of secretly flirting with my best friend’s new girlfriend last night. A group of us went bowling last night and about 2 hours later my girlfriend leaves without telling me. When I realize she’s gone I call and ask what is going on. She says she couldn’t sit there while I flirted with and made eyes at my friend’s new girlfriend all night. I promise I have absolutely no idea what she is talking about.
So I denied it but she keeps saying that she knows what she saw and that I am making her feel crazy. I am not going to admit to something that is completely false though. I swear I said two or three sentences to this other girl all night at the most to just make some casual small talk. I have no interest in her whatsoever, and even if I did I wouldn’t flirt with her right in front of my girlfriend who I love and my best friend while they are both sitting right there.
This is not the first time this has happened, last fall we were on a trip together and went to a bar. The night ended up with us having this exact same fight because she swears that some random girl and I were making eyes at each other across the bar all night and she accused me of trying to pick up this random girl. Again, I promise I have zero idea what she is talking about.
In one of her previous relationships she was cheated on so I know this stems from that. She told me that the last time she saw two people making eyes at each other in this way it was her ex boyfriend and the girl she later found out he was cheating on her with.
I need advice on how to handle this. I am not going to admit to flirting with this girl when I swear I was not. The more I deny it the more she says that I am making her feel crazy and that she knows what she saw. I feel like she is projecting her past relationship onto me. I don’t know how to make her trust me to assure her that there is no flirting going on, while at the same time not making her feel crazy for seeing something that was not there.
TL;DR My girfriend this I was making eyes at and flirting with my friend’s girlfriend. It is completely not true and I need to know how to assure her of that without making her feel crazy.
7 comments
You get to decide one thing. Is this how you want to live?
She needs to be in counseling to deal with her previous relationship.
You cannot make her trust you because this isn’t coming from you, there’s nothing you can do or say because this is HER delusion and HER paranoia and HER fear.
Do not apologise. I repeat, do not apologise. Not even “I’m sorry if I gave you the impression”. In fact I wouldn’t even reach out to her at all. Your girlfriend needs to understand that her drama queen behaviour will not be tolerated.
Hey if this is a recent thing I’d be asking whether or not there’s motives behind this. Yes trauma can resurface but projection is common too. You said you’ve dated for two years so I’m wondering whether she’s doing things behind your back. She may be projecting.
Your girlfriend might be too insecure for a real world relationship l
I think you can do better than someone who accuses you of cruel behavior when you haven’t done anything.
What does she want? A pitiful boy who grovels? If she’s so damn hurt, she should vote with her feet and leave. Why make it your job to prove a negative (you can’t)?
> she keeps saying that she knows what she saw and that I am making her feel crazy.
Crazy girl feels crazy. Alright then.
> I need advice on how to handle this.
You should have put your foot down the first time she pulled that shit and been all “Look, you *don’t* know what you saw, because your insecurity is making you see things that aren’t even there. I’m not your previous boyfriends. Stop trying to bring their fuckups into our relationship.”
> I don’t know how to make her trust me to assure her that there is no flirting going on, while at the same time not making her feel crazy for seeing something that was not there.
If you agree with her, you’re validating her bullshit. If you disagree with her, you’re hiding something. This is a no-win situation for you. You can’t *make* her trust you…that’s a choice she needs to make for herself. If she can’t trust you, why is she choosing to stay in a relationship with you? Why would you choose to remain in a relatonship with somebody that can’t trust you? Something’s gotta give here. She’s either gotta give up her bullshit, or you gotta give up the relationship. It ain’t fair to you to just be constantly wondering when you’re gonna be accused of something you didn’t even do.