(23, M) Having issues with Partner (25,M) of 5 years.
So I’ve been with my partner now for 5 years, and we moved into a new rented house 5 months ago over an hour from where the both of us are from. As far as I was aware we were both happy, in a new house and getting know eachother on a deeper level.
For the first few months in the new house I was really unhappy with my job which was part of the reason we moved to where we did. The job required me to commute over two hours each way every day and it took a toll on me mentally when I was actually at work, due to the toxic working environment and my racist boss. I spoke to my partner about it all and after seeing how much it upset me he encouraged me to quit and find something else.
Now, in this time of stress our sex life took a bit of a hit as I wasn’t overly interested; as I was constantly exhausted and tired. But due to the nature of his work, we had gone through patches before where sex wasn’t on the cards due to him being exhausted and tired. Since I’ve quit I’ve been a lot happier, working on myself and my sex drive is back. But he has been working a lot of overtime at his job and we haven’t spent a lot of quality time together.
Anyways, last Saturday I arrived home after being away for the night and my partner was being really off with me which confused me as he had been texting me fine all day. He told me that he wants to break up as we no longer have the spark we used to and our sex life isn’t great now. But I tried telling him moving in together would be harder than I think he expected and that my job made things even harder for both of us, but that we could work on this.
We split up for a couple months after we had been together for one year, as his mental health was really bad and he wanted some space. But by the time we got back together he was even more of a mess. But I got him some help and he’s a lot stronger now than he was before.
Right now, I’m feeling really hurt and almost betrayed that he hadn’t come to me sooner with any concerns as I always thought we had good communication. I’ve spoken to some friends and they’re all completely shocked that he’s being like this.
I guess what I’m asking is I don’t know whether:
1.) I’m justified in feeling hurt that he isn’t willing to try to change things to make things work, given we’ve been together for 5 years now?
2.) Is it even worth me trying to convince him to give things another chance?