There has been an increasing trend of people being choked without their consent, especially women in heterosexual relationships/partnerships/casual/hook-up settings. For many different reasons, choking is being conflated as vanilla, even by people who are sexually experienced and should know better. It is all the more dangerous (although equally terrifying in other cases too) when this happens with people you don’t know/trust as much.
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Has this ever happened to you? Were you able to respond to it? How did you deal with the undeserved consequences of it? Also, just in case nobody asked you, are you okay? I hope you know that while I’m a stranger, I am rooting for your happiness and safety.
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This happened to me, and it devastates me to say that I couldn’t do anything about it, and it has had severe impacts on my life, my sense of self, and on the tangible parts of my work and education.
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I know people who have straight up been choked by hookups with no warning/permission the first time they’ve had sex together. I’ve had partners choke me when I didn’t want it. The trauma is real. No, I’m not ok, lol. And it’s almost always women, never men, with these stories of being choked. Women, who physically are injured more easily in general and of course during sex. And with the normalization of aggressive (often very bad, physically unpleasurable) sex and being scared to be deemed “vanilla” ppl rave about choking. No one asking themselves why any sane man would want to choke a woman cutting off her air supply, or why it’s suddenly ok bc his dick happens to be inside her at the same time. No women asking themselves why they want a man to hurt them, and making their male partners uncomfortable by making these requests, something I’ve heard about plenty also.
There are men who have literally killed women during kink play and made the argument in court she consented to it. As if we can consent to murder during sex. When I hear of women asked to be choked during sex I cringe, bc if something goes wrong, nothing will come of it, he gets to claim she asked for it, tale as old as time, society goes “not our bedroom not our business” meanwhile someone can be seriously injured or killed during this type of sex play.
Good sex can be had without choking, head yanking, slapping, etc.
Already bracing myself for the hate I’ll get here bc Reddit.
Would just like to add that it’s A-OK not to be in to this FOR BOTH men and women. I not only find it not a turn-on but I also find myself worrying about accidentally hurting some poor woman. And that doesn’t make for a good sexy headspace. So.. I don’t do it.
“Choking”, which is really strangulation, without consent is just assault and a crime.
Honestly start reporting these men to the police, they’re walking red flags for DV and a danger to women.
It did happen to me the one time I used Tinder to meet a man. Panicked and thought I was going to end up a headline.
[Choking is never 100% safe](http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/wisemanbreathcontrol1.htm).
No, but I do worry about it. It seems so common in porn recently. It’s something I let my partner know I don’t consent to, ever.