So this week we want out two times and I pay over £110! Meals and a game a golf. I have been thinking alot now why is it always me paying, she never says ill pay this time.
She will buy drinks like cocktail but never meals even when we want away to Leeds I payed for all the meals but once when the drinks cost more in a pub she pay for the meal
Is it bad of me to say you getting this one?
I never been in a relationship this long but I’m sure it should go both ways though
To add to this she has said she will pay for the next holiday but after she seen the prices she said its way to much (yet I pay the same are just under)
tl;dr should I stop paying for all the meals and just some
6 comments
Have a direct conversation about how you feel and go from there. Direct communication is always best. Relationships aren’t all fun and games and to be successful you’ll have to navigate tough conversations. Just say what you’ve said here…
“I’m sure it should go both ways”
Then have that conversation where you state your expectations and she should then honestly state hers. Maybe she expects you to pay more, maybe she has no idea how you feel, but again…communication
Lots of couples take turns paying for things and find a way to more or less balance things out. If this is something you want, it’s good to talk about it, and to bring it up early in a relationship.
You don’t get to tell her “you’re getting this one”.
What you can (and should, and in fact *must*) do is to have a conversation with her about the situation and how you are feeling about it.
Because there’s *no* advantage to being upset with someone for doing something, *not* saying anything to them about it, and then getting *more* upset because they haven’t stopped doing it.
Tell her how you feel about it, and that you want to come up with a more equitable approach to paying for outings.
Either you will both be able to agree on a compromise that works for you (in which case, problem solved) or you will not (in which case the two of you have an incompatibility and there is no workable path forward for the relationship).
You need to sit and discuss finances.
Does she earn a lot less than you?
If she earns a lot less but expects to go out for a meal a lot that is a very bad expectation to have.
Have an open discussion if not the resentment will drive you apart.
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Update:- so I seen her after doing my work she said can we move our holiday to new year as someone is leaving and we don’t have the staff to cover I said that’s fine
But now I think of it we have to use our holidays are we lost them 🤷
So now can I use the holiday money I was saving for us are save it for next year?