Women who are seemingly afraid to be forward and honest with men, why?

24 comments

1. Depends on the context, situation, and specific men involved.

   I’ve learned through personal experience that some men react violently to things they don’t want to hear.

2. It really depends on what you mean? I can say I’ve told men firmly but politely that I’m not interested in them and it’s became violent, so there are occasions where I will just try and avoid answering a question like that if I can/

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4. Depends on the context

   If it’s saying that I’m not interested in them it’s because of previous experiences where they have become verbally and physically threating

5. Context matters.

   Tough relationship disagreements: I might temper my full feelings so I don’t say something offensive. Or I’m still processing my thoughts for myself and I’m not ready to have the full, honest conversation yet. Or ice learned my partner doesn’t cope well with confrontation.

   Randos on the street: because I don’t want to get screamed at or hit or followed or otherwise harassed.

6. They could kill me. So sometimes I choose not to tell the truth to a stranger.

7. Because it will get used against us as a way to manipulate. So we just comparmentalize. Super healthy

8. Most of them are trying not to get killed?

9. Because the greatest natural predator of women is men. And I have children. I am not allowing my children to be orphans just so I can say that at least I was honest. Men murder women for saying no thank you. They murder women for not saying anything at all. You think they would not murder a woman for being honest?

10. Context really determines this.

    If I’m rejecting them I do tend to start out more soft because men can get violent or predatory, especially if they’re unfamiliar.

    For men who have a place in my world, I am not gentle. I am blunt and at times overly direct. If they get upset at the delivery I’ll hear them out but I have a general rule for them and remind them. Everyone can be given civility, but niceness is earned. I don’t tiptoe around and coddle them. The male ego is the most fragile thing in the world, if a few words from me can destroy it then communicating with them is probably a waste of time. It’s a balance, I’m never on a mission to hurt someone’s feelings but I am nobodies doormat.

11. It depends but the biggest why is because men have the emotional maturity of a toddler and we’ll toddles lash out when they get told no stop don’t do that and some men take tantrums problem is there bigger heavier and stronger than a toddler and distraction or time out don’t really we ork on an adult

12. Because many men are not safe to be honest with, and there’s no sign over their heads indicating which they are.

13. In Anglo-American culture, the is very cultural and based in Puritan and Victorian cultural ideals, where a woman should be “demure and submissive”.
    In short, in modern US society, men are often raised with the sexist toxic masculinity of having to be aggressive (or else). Women are often raised to act passively or passive-aggressively. Tho some women try to jump out of this via direct aggression.
    I’ll note that none of these are healthy or respectful styles of communication for any party, passive-aggressive being by far the most destructive — a lit bomb for all parties. This communication is also not just with men.
    Healthy communication is Assertive, and this is highly overlooked in US society, or even conflated with aggressive due to unhealthy toxic masculinity. A good counterexample, with an healthy rolemodel, is the head in the series New Amsterdam.

    Note: there are cases where there is an apparent violent or unstable individual, like macho sports/Frat guys or that tripping-out crime-to-happen person on the street (more often male due to less social and societal support for males). These are individuals everyone tries to avoid, but are not representative. One should be forward and honest in most situations, and this greatly reduces tension, stress, fear, apprehension, miscommunication, anger, and so on.

14. Because in my experience, about 80%of men can take rejection well. Another 15% will take it as a challenge and try to either guilt trip me or change my mind (that’s already pretty unpleasant) and another 5% get irrationally angry/ violent.

    Having to do the mental math to try to figure out where a given man might fall on that scale all the time is exhausting. Often, it’s easier just to give a polite lie and get out of the situation, because it’s not worth the risk of being wrong.

15. A lot of us are just afraid of men, you know, because they can kill us.

16. It’s not safe to be upfront with some men. Their ego’s get bruised and that can be scary. They can become verbally and physically abusive.

17. I really agree with everyone who says it depends on the context. In my case it’s trauma. Sometimes when I feel safe i can be quite forward, but in many cases the threat that I feel from men is higher than my desire to be always honest.

18. Because some men turn violent when a woman has the ‘audacity’ to say something they don’t want to hear.

19. I’ve never been afraid to flirt or to be forward. In fact I’ve found on a date if I lean in and kiss him during the date, it’s always been well received and made the man more comfortable afterwards. However, I was married to a man who made me feel disgusting for wanting sex from him. I once asked if I could give him a bj and he told me that if he let me, he’d only be able to see me as slutty after that so he’d rather I didn’t. We divorced over ten years ago and I’m now married to an amazing and supportive man. I still feel uncomfortable initiating even though my husband would love it, and that gross crappy feeling is because how my ex made me constantly feel and view sex.

20. Usually the reason for this is that we’ve had past experiences of being retaliated against by men for speaking up, whether verbally, physically, or otherwise.

21. From toddler age to adulthood it was impressed on me that putting other people’s feelings above my own was a virtue and doing so would make me a good person. I wanted to be a good person. Still trying to unlearn.

22. Because when I have been forward and honest, the man thought he was an angel walking on Earth. The amount of arrogance. I couldn’t deal with it.

    Never again.

23. my ex last year would scream at me saying I was blaming him for things untill I was curled up in a ball sobbing in the corner of a room begging him to stop and apologizing through my tears terrified… just for trying to have open communication about feelings being forward and honest… that’s why I’m afraid

24. There are many factors involved here. Maybe some grew up with a reactive father and avoid that because of the fear of what comes from confrontation. Maybe some come from an abusive relationship where any disagreement was met with emotional or physical abuse.