uh yeah basically what the title says, i’m wondering if this is normal??? i honestly don’t value sex that much due to prior experiences so this is not a deal breaker for me but it is nice to receive pleasure sometimes. and pretty much every friend i talk to thinks it’s weird and unusual but i’m kinda not that bothered by it most of time. they think i should breakup with him bc most men who do not give head are douches and don’t value female pleasure. so i’m kinda looking for an outsiders opinion.
i’m just like idk it did kinda make me feel bad about myself initially, to the point that i got laser hair removal just in case that was like bothering him though he told me it didn’t (it’s still nice to be all smooth down there regardless tho LOL).
he said it was a texture issue, that it felt like he was eating tomatoes. WHICH i can confirm that he hates bc he always orders everything without tomatoes. he said it just bothers him.
i’ve respected his boundary of not wanting to do it (aside from funny “munch” ice spice half jokes) but he recently brought it back up again as incentive for me to win the match i was playing saying he’d “try again” so i genuinely think that it’s not him not wanting to pleasure me especially given the rest of our sex life, it just actually bothers him.
but yea any opinions on this would help 🙂
(also i am aware this is kinda comical)
38 comments
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It would be a deal breaker for me but as long as he does get you off somehow and you’re happy and the relationship is healthy 🤷🏼♀️ you don’t want to break up so idk what advice we can really give tbh 😅 I’m inclined to agree with your friends, all the men I’ve know who don’t give head have in fact been dbags.
Not wanting your face near genitalia is within normal bounds, yes.
Nobody should have to do any sort of sex they don’t like or don’t want to. Period.
Don’t tease the guy. If this is a deal breaker move on, if it’s not then accept his preferences. If you put a role reversal on this, everyone would be all over the guy’s case for being demanding about bjs…
It’s very normal, some men and women just don’t like those general things near their mouth. It can be for a number for different reasons, for his it’s a textural issue which is definitely valid and I respect that you understood him and respected that boundary.
The girls who say it’s because he doesn’t value your pleasure are just wrong. He’s made an effort to try and do it for you so you could enjoy yourself and it just didn’t work out, some things just aren’t meant to be.
No one knows your relationship like you do.
If he thinks he should eat you like he would eat a tomato it’s probably best he keeps his mouth away from your bits
Also if you compared his dick with a cheese sausage and didn’t want to go down on him that would be fine as well.
Everyone gets to do what they are comfortable with and they just find someone compatable.
Not eating a person out or sucking dick is absolutely a normal boundary.
You also get to decide if you want to be with somebody who has that boundary.
As a man myself I love eating my partner out at basically any time of day. It does exist. I did spend 6 years in a relationship with a person who was secually incompatible and while that person was and still is an amazing individual. I know I’d be miserable if I was still in the same rut.
You and your friends views of men with reasonable sexual boundaries sounds pretty toxic to me.
He said no. Never ask or bring it up again.
And you should dump your friends
I, personally, love going down on my girl. Do it every chance I get. Would have it for three meals a day, if I could. But it’s all up to personal preference
Your young is showing. That’s a solid boundary to have. If he wanted anal and you didn’t, how would you feel if he kept pushing. Many men don’t go down and it’s not shameful. I get it. I know what happens in vagina and you could not pay me enough to put my mouth on one (props to the people that do…you da real MVP). Either break-up or back off because you’re being a real pain in the ass about this.
I hate tomatoes but still go down on my girlfriend every single night. He’s clearly just young and has no clue what he’s talking about.
Info: does he get you off other ways or is he selfish/unknowledgeable and refuses to learn?
If the answer is he gets you off other ways because he cares about your pleasure then he’s a good guy that just doesn’t like to give oral.
But if the answer is he doesn’t get you off because he’s selfish/unknowledgeable due to lack of care then he is not a good guy regardless of whether he gives oral or not.
Also, if he doesn’t get you off because of lack of knowledge but wants to learn then he’s still a good guy but needs your help to teach him.
If the rest of your sex life is making you happy then don’t worry about it. Not everyone is into everything. Oral isn’t obligatory. Some people don’t like giving it, others don’t like receiving it. Whatever makes you happy.
However… if the rest of your sex life isn’t giving you pleasure either, and you wanted this out of desperation to make a connection, and he’s refusing, then that’s a completely different story. You are young, you don’t need to settle for someone who doesn’t bring you joy.
It’s a werid comparison but if he doesn’t want to then either you accept you aren’t getting any or you move on, it’s no big deal either way to be honest. Life can go on without oral sex, I’m not a fan of recieving, it’s not life ending, it depends what their attitude towards other pleasure that’s going toske a difference
Normal is a broad spectrum. Are you asking if it’s common to find a partner who refuses to go down on a woman. I don’t know the statistics. I would say none of my partners ever had an issue with it.
What is more important is how you deal with this with your partner. I would say keeping things low pressure and letting him joke about it would be the way to handle this. Sex should never be about manipulation or coercion. It should be exploration and shared joy and ecstasy.
I would say it’s actually a good sign that he brought this up because it means he’s been mulling it over. You need to let this be his journey because once you make it a battle of wills- he’s likely to never enjoy it.
If you really miss oral and want to engage in it sooner rather than later- you will need to find a new boyfriend. In the mean time- keep up careful hygiene just in case he ever has the urge to experiment again you will be ready.
honestly, assuming he didn’t mean to hurt your feelings by it I don’t think it’s that bad. you can decide whether or not you wanna break up/ if this is a dealbreaker, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a red flag on its own.
some people just aren’t into giving head, men and women alike. especially if it’s a texture issue, I can get that, as someone with many issues relating to textures.
I’m not gonna diagnose him or anything, but mine likely stems from either autism or ADHD, and personally if I don’t like a texture it makes me wanna crawl out of my skin at best and throw up at worst.
that’s not to say he doesn’t love you, as long as he’s still giving you foreplay/pleasure in other ways and you have no complaints aside from the oral issue, I don’t see this as being a dealbreaker personally.
if he’s not getting you off, not doing any foreplay, fingering, rubbing or whatever then I’d say he’s being a jerk who’s only focused on his own pleasure, but if it’s just not eating you out I’d just confirm that as a texture issue and move on.
think of it this way: you probably wouldn’t shame another woman for not wanting to choke on a dick, why shame a dude for not wanting to suffocate between some thighs lol? (/nm)
Eating tomatoes? That’s a new one.
I hate tomatoes but love eating pussy so I dunno where he’s got that from 🤣
What’s wrong with tomatoes?
If he is uncomfortable, he is uncomfortable. Period. You can’t force him to go down on you. And it’s unfair of you to pressure him and tease him over it.
You can’t force someone to do a sexual act that they don’t want to do. Either learn to live without this or find someone who is willing to do this.
If it’s a deal breaker then you have your answer, you are not compatible so break up and stop wasting each other’s time.
He doesn’t want to and no one should be forced or guilted into doing things they don’t want to.
As long as he’s not expecting you to go down on him
Sounds like he has a preference and you are ok with that. Is it a little weird, maybe, but then again I love going down on women, I feel good making them feel good. If he satisfies you in other ways and this isn’t a deal breaker I’d say just keep on keeping on, if it becomes an issue then just revisit it. . . This seems like one of the more mature relationship questions from an 18 yo I’ve seen on this sub.
If you want that, then breakup. If you are okay not having it, stay. But then this has to be dropped.
Hey, he doesn’t have to go down on you. That’s 100% his choice. I find it kind of odd to be equated to eating tomatoes tho….. I kind of predict even if he did give you oral; it wouldn’t be very enjoyable….
Me personally? If I dated a girl who wouldn’t give me head, I would respect their decision, but it would ultimately be a deal breaker due to sexual non-compatibility.
I had a similar reverse scenario…. I dated a girl who was really self conscious down there, and didn’t want me to go down on her, and always wanted sex to be really simple in the dark. I’m actually relatively vanilla, but it felt like I was hooking up with a nun. We broke up due to other reasons, but I know this isn’t something I would’ve been able to deal with in the long run.
Sounds like a guy who hates tomatoes and vulvas remind him of tomatoes. You don’t have to listen to your friends
Sorry… I can’t get past the “like eating tomatoes” part.
Young love
Being awkward about oral in your first sexual relationship is totally normal! Comparing vagina to tomato’s before ever trying it is not normal and also hilarious ☠️
So…I know guys who simply don’t. It is an acquired skill, but you are correct in the comment about not being interested in a partner’s pleasure. I’ve always enjoyed this as a part of the buildup and always enjoyed it. I really don’t understand not enjoying.
My only thought…he may be so young he never learned and is just uncomfortable trying to learn???
I used to hate it bc i had no idea what i was doing. Onve i figured it i actually dig it now haha maybe ask him if he needs some pointers. 😅 just do your part and dont be stinky or trying to have em do it while you got some cottage cheese goin 🤮
He is trying and he sounds considerate. That’s all you need to know – he’s a keeper.
My BF loves tomatoes.
Find you a man that also loves tomatoes.
What is this fetish BS on here? There are subs for this.
My partner also struggles w it due to just. Sensory Bad. My gague is like… if they will agree to try occasionally/ if you have an idea that might help w whatever issue, then i dont mind much.
If its just a “no” and they expect me to pleasure them? Im out.
Also: maybe if he focuses more on the clit than the actual vag itd help w tbe texture issue?
Tomatoes? First time I’ve heard that one.
I bite my tomatoes, what does he do to you? All jokes aside, seems like he made it clear he doesnt feel comfortable, or isn’t yet ready to do this. If the relationship works don’t throw it away over that, imagine if you didnt want to go down on him because you weren’t ready and he tossed you aside, or maybe you would never want to do that and he got rid of you. As long as you guys live in a mutually respecting friendship and relationship idk what there is to tell you.
If your boyfriend has sensory issues, this could be a genuine concern for him. How would you feel about the use to dental dams? They have different flavors and would change the texture for him while still feeling good for you. If he’s not willing to try something like that or come up with some sort of alternative solution, then he just doesn’t care enough about your pleasure to be bothered. That’s unacceptable to me. Women deserve pleasure.