I feel like I’m muted to other people

6 comments

1. I hate group conversations, everyone just throwing something in the air and hoping someone takes a catch an answers back. The dynamic is somewhat chaotic where people randomly switch topics and the person they’re interacting with. The topics are very superficial and afterwards you don’t remember anything meaningful that was talked about.

   For me it’s stressful and eats a lot of energy so I just try to avoid group interactions. I don’t feel heard even if someone is paying attention to me, because I feel they aren’t actually listening to me.

   I love 1to1 conversations where both are focused on the topic and the interaction is meaningful, balanced and easy to follow.

   I’m sorry I don’t have any tips or tricks for you to get to be better heard, but I just wanted to write so you know this is a common problem.

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3. Someone commented to me once that I tend to disengage from large groups, either to talk to one person or to just vibe by myself. I was just, like, yeah, duh. Because no one cares what I have to say and trying to follow and take part in group convos is exhausting and not very rewarding.

4. For a start you need to look people dead in the eye and maintain eye contact as much as you can to keep their attention. What also helps is actually saying their name prior to engaging them in conversation. For example: “and what do you think of such and such Michael”, it feels and sounds strange at first but once you get used to using people’s names in casual convo you’ll rarely if ever struggle with getting and holding their attention again. The reason being is that most people are so stuck in their own heads that tbh they’re more likely just anxious and more focused on what they want to say next than what anyone else wants to say to them. Using their name, which people like the sound of anyway, pulls them out of their heads and will ensure you have their focus.

   Then maintain eye contact with them and make sure you’re not just going off on a monologue. Ask them questions, validate their opinions and statements where you can, people are always hungry for approval and validation, give it genuinely where you can. Get them engaged and if you notice their attention lagging give them a break and turn your attention to another friend. This too will help to raise your “social standing” as you become a limited resource that can and will move on if they are not meeting your expectations of a conversational partner. You will find people wanting to catch and keep your attention much more often when it is a less available/abundant resource. Essentially you set your own value and people will pay accordingly so set a price you feel is fair and balanced and that doesn’t leave you drowning in resentment.

   People are very ego centric by nature and can’t read your mind because they’re far too busy sifting through their own, it doesn’t make you or them bad but it can hamper communication from time to time so the clearer and more defined you can present yourself as a person the better for everyone involved.

5. Speak up and voice your concerns or find a new group of friends

6. Sounds like you found a toxic group dynamic.This sounds like a similar dynamic I used to see and experience as a younger person.If your around these people and you feel like you can’t be yourself then you need to move on.Eventually or maybe already they start leaving you out of things other than just conversations?It may not seem it but this is very harmful to a persons self esteem and is a very subtle but very cruel form of bullying.Stay around people that make you feel strong or find people you feel you could help build up.Not all people behave the way your friends do.