How do you deal with communication problems when your partner isn’t the best with expressing emotions?

11 comments

1. If your partner isnt willing to do the work to get better at talking about their feelings then this isn’t a problem you can fix.

2. Couples therapy

3. Vulnerability doesn’t come natural to all of us, I know it didn’t to me. I would hold everything in and it took a lot of practice to feel naturally comfortable expressing my emotions and thoughts to my now husband. He was so patient with me and would just ask for undistracted time to talk which I was able to handle more then forcing me to open up. After work we built a habit together of putting our phones away and especially over dinner he would help me open up with open ended questions. It sometimes just takes some patience and communication and supportive feedback from your partner to start to naturally open up.

4. We take things one step at a time. I like to ask open ended questions: what are you feeling? What do you need? I even printed off an emotion wheel for her to reference. Sometimes I have to give her space to fully understand her own emotions before she can explain them to me.

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6. I’m not good at face to face communication as it can be overwhelming for me I find it much easier to communicate hard emotions with Someone through texts which is stupid I know everyone hates it

7. Showing emotions face to face tends to be overwhelming for me. What helped me open up is talking when the lights are switched off. So for example during bed time, when the lights go off I would find it easier to start expressing my feelings and once I opened up I would feel more comfortable communicating about everything face to face as well. It also helps to find some sort of distraction like going for a walk together

8. I’m still trying to figure this out…

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10. They may not feel safe enough. My partner can usually communicate when it comes to us if I’m the one starting the conversation for an issue but he has an extremely hard time talking about things he’s dealing with on his own. He has a pretty emotionally and affectionallg neglectful childhood. His mom didn’t talk about feelings, didn’t hug and kiss or say I love you or compliment her kids. Never was taught how to deal with emotions at all in a healthy way.

    Hes still learning how to feel safe enough to feel and process things. I am as well but mine manifest differently. But one of my triggers is when he goes silent because he has emotionally shut down from not processing negative emotions. He’s better at saying he doesn’t feel like talking.

    We’ve talked about how it could have a possibility to end things but also hes been my support system for when I was dealing with unlearning your core operating system. The balance we are learning is that he confirms it not about me (then I’m less likely to react or put myself into something that isn’t about me) and I give him the space everyone deserves to figure out their own shit. Be there for him when he’s like I would want someone for me. But also that it’s not my job to constantly remind him to communicate either.

    So like I said a balance. But also having grace for someone. We’ve been together almost 10 years and there are times where I wasn’t my best self but he knew I was struggling emotionally and mentally so I try to do the same. I feel empathy for him because I know what’s he’s dealt with

11. Go to couples counseling. Seriously. Communication is a huge factor in relationship failure.