First thing you do when you’re home alone?

36 comments

1. Determine if I forgot my wife and kid somewhere

2. Nap or work on one of my hobbies

3. I live alone so… everything.

4. Sigh… *unzips

5. Play video games uninterrupted

6. Hasn’t happened since our first kid was born.

7. Get changed into my pyjama trousers and slippers.

8. Sing.

9. Order pizza and start gaming

10. I literally talk to myself in a ridiculous manner

11. Swan dive into the bed

12. Finally be able to listen to music ununterrupted

13. Immediately unburden myself from whatever clothes I’m wearing

14. More often than not, it’s masturbate.

15. Take off my shoes

16. Walk around the house & sleep naked.

17. Pants on the ground, pants on the ground.

    Lookin’ like a foo’ with yo’ pants on the ground.

18. I have two kids, a dog, a partner and the mother in law in my house. Not sure I can remember when I was last alone for more than half an hour. But it would be a you know.

19. If it’s weekend, I’ll probably just cool down in my pool

20. Honestly, and call it weird, but I blast music and go into cooking / baking mode.

21. Walk around with my laptop freely since no one’s around to interrupt.

22. Light up a blunt

23. Pull the Tom cruise risky business routine.

24. Say hi to the dog!

25. Poop with the bathroom door open.

26. Roll a joint, boil water for tea, scroll reddit a bit and start my house husband chores 🙂

27. Pants off, sweats on, free farts, make coffee, do whatevs.

28. Remove all the burden of clothes from my body and make comfortable 😌😌

29. Clean the house, because no one else does and it is easier when people aren’t around.

30. Talk to myself really loud and admit my deepest secrets to my dog

31. Let out the cataclysmic fart I’ve spared the general public from witnessing, especially coworkers. Strip down to undies and grab my bath robe. Headphones on blasting whatever song I already listened to twenty times on the drive home.

    Look down at my pee pee and ponder blasting a load or three.

    Take an unreasonably long nap.

32. Cuddle with my cat who demands pets whenever I get home from work

33. Clean the house and then take a nap on the couch

34. So you’re saying nap or fap?

35. The first thing? *Double check*

36. Bust out the old BIBLE