has anyone here who was socially stunted and awkward successfully become socially adept and even charismatic, if so what was the step by step methodology followed to achieve such results?

3 comments

1. there is no secret. You need to expose yourself to opportunity to speak and you need to analyze situations to the smallest detail. This is how you become good. Talk to as many people with variety of subjects. And know a lot of everything in general to be able to converse. Also, charisma and being social is a skill and not an inate talent therefore it can be learn.

2. If you are talking to random strangers, ask about something they are wearing that you may think is cool (shoes and belt buckles are huge conversation starters) and ask where they got them. People dont wear statement pieces unless like them. If they bought them at a shop that you know the area/where the shop is, get it wrong and go “oh, you mean over by blah blah blah (insert name of place).” Which you could Segway into a conversational topic you are comfortable with (food, fashion, tech, sports).

   What helped me years ago was “They are more afraid of you than you are of them.” And that people have an intrinsic want to talk about things they are an expert about…themselves! People are looking for the danger in the crowd, not the passing question about their cool items but don’t go ham on the questions because that comes off as “either I’m going to get robbed or they are going to ask for money”.

   Always be open to learn and be polite.

   Those are my general quick and dirty tips to learning to be able to talk to almost anyone.

3. i used to study anime characters from slice of life/romance/comedy anime that were well liked, both in the fandom and in their respective series. i would study their personality traits and behavior tendencies and find things that they all had in common. then i would figure out how i can apply those traits to my own personality.
   i think most of the time, awkwardness comes from the inability to relax and become comfortable with the people around you. there are well-liked charismatic people who are also weird and quirky, but they’re liked because they embrace it and use it to their advantage, wether for humorous or entertainment purposes. i would recommend looking at characters you like and that are commonly liked by others, and figure out *why* people like them. what makes them likeable?