And how did you approach the situation?
For context, my (27M) spouse (27NB) left me two weeks ago saying they felt like they were falling out of love with me. We’ve had it rough these past few months with depressions, unexpected hardships, and financial issues. Prior to this we had a relatively normal marriage. We talked about it, but they’re adamant that there’s no point in trying to reconcile the feelings. They’re walking away from a 2.5 year marriage that was preceded by 7 years of dating. I’m just really struggling to understand.
Within the last few months is when they accepted themselves as non-binary and I was as supportive and encouraging as I could be. I talked to my parents about it and told them that I loved my partner no matter how they identified, and that they would have to accept them as well. Same with my friends.
I’m very scared to lose someone who I’ve only ever imagined spending the rest of my life with. I hope someone here can help give me some clarity on this issue.
7 comments
They’re probably not out of love, just want to try fucking some other genders.
Sure, I’ve fallen out of love. I approached the situation by ending the relationship as respectfully and amicably as we could.
It improved things immediately, and I’ve been much happier since. Not being in a relationship you don’t want feels amazing.
Why would you even want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?
Hey while I can’t speak to your exact situation Im wondering if their gender/sexuality realization felt like a trigger for change for them? I wonder if it was nothing to do with the relationship itself but moreso a metamorphosis in your partner’s mind, a desire for a fresh start in their new NB shoes so to speak?
I don’t mean it to excuse the behaviour, lots of people stay with partners through identity transitions. But I just want to offer you suggestion that it’s not your fault and that your actions or lack thereof are not related perhaps.
I have fallen out of love when i found out my h cheated and kept secrets in the marriage. We are rebuilding love but i may never love him like i used to. If the relationship is strong enough love can be rebuilt but it takes a lot of work. Sure i should have left and he could have too but when you love someone for who they are not what they do than things can slowly be rebuilt. It takes a lot more than love to rebuild a relationship but all you can do is try your hardest and know you can’t control the other person.
Love starts with yourself and is like beaming light that attracts others. This is hard but focus on what u can control. Sorry!
I had a close friend go through a similar situation. Her partner [of 5+ years] was transitioning so it was a little different. She was no longer attracted to her partner after transitioning, although the love was there between them both, and it was really hard for them to split. They are still friends and keep in touch, but it was very difficult on my friend because she felt like she was in love with a completely different person. I think this feeling can go both ways when someone goes through an identity change. Be honest, ugly honest with yourself and your partner.
Maybe they were never in love. Just trying to fit a mould. And no I’ve never fallen out of love. I’ve been forced out of it, by the other person. But I’ve never “grown out of love” or anything like that.
All of these posts really hinge on you believing these people understand what love truly is . It’s not a fucking feeling , it’s a choice . Especially if you decide to build a life together . The “ I love you but not in love with you” culture is utter rubbish , and the validation echo chamber which is Reddit only strengthens that argument . If you think any relationship will always have that “spark” you’re in a world of illusion . Talk with your partner , communicate . Something drew you together , maybe start there and work your way forward .