Sorry this will be kinda long but heres some background: My core friend group is made up of 5 girls, myself, Hayley, Mia, Grace, and Jane. Grace, Jane, and I are all dating guys that are friends, Tyler, Mike, and John, who hang out and go golfing together. My two other friends, Hayley and Mia are single. The 5 of us hang out usually once a week. We only bring the boys with every once in a while. I consider Grane and Jane’s bfs as friends, but I’m not anywhere as near close with them as I am with Grace and Jane. I never see them without their gfs, my close friends. And similarly, my friends never see my boyfriend without me being around, because they’re just not close enough friends to hang out on their own.
The situation: My bf, Tyler, decided to host Grace and Jane’s boyfriends, Mike and John, for a golf weekend at his parent’s lake house. The boys made all the plans and picked the dates for the trip. They then decided that they’d like to invite their SOs, me, Grace, and Jane, up with them to chill at the lake while they’re out golfing. The boys told us about the trip and basically said y’all can come if you are free but we’ll be gone golfing the whole time so you guys can just hang out on the lake.
The 5 of us girls were all talking about summer plans recently and the golf trip came up. Hayley and Mia felt hurt that they weren’t invited because they see the bfs as their friends. They also felt hurt that they found out about the plans as it was casually mentioned in conversation and that we didn’t tell them about it when it was planned or make a point to tell them about the plan. I didn’t think it was necessary to tell them about the plan. Grace, Jane, and I felt caught off guard by this. It made it seem like we need to tell everyone about our plans even if they have nothing to do with each other. There have been plenty of other things that I’ve gone to with Tyler’s other friend group that the 4 of them weren’t a part of. It just seems insensitive to have to tell everyone what I’m doing if it doesn’t have anything to do with them and vice versa.
They also said they felt excluded and that they weren’t invited because they aren’t in a couple. There wasn’t any talk of “you have to be in a couple to be invited”. The guys just wanted to invite their SOs because they wanted to spend the evenings during the weekend with them and have a nice trip with us.
I feel awkward because Hayley and Mia are two of my best friends, but I wasn’t in charge of planning the event and didn’t exclude them on purpose. We have a lot of secondary friends that we don’t see as often as the 5 of us hang out, and we’ve talked many times about how since we have such a large group, that not every plan we make has to include everyone since we all have busy lives and that would just be impractical. My bf Tyler planned the trip and two of my friends just happen to be dating the guys he’s friends with.
I felt a little blindsided that they were both so upset by this. We apologized to them and told them how it was planned organically and there wasn’t any malicious intent. Did we do something wrong? They still seem upset by the whole thing.
TLDR: Friends feel discluded from a “couples weekend” even though it wasn’t planned as a couples-only trip.
1 comment
It’s understandable why Hayley and Mia feel left out, but it’s important to remember that not every plan has to include everyone. It wasn’t planned as a couples-only trip, but the guys just wanted to spend time with their SOs. Let’s try to move past this and plan something inclusive for all of us next time.