I (30F) had quite a challenging upbringing that included a lot of corporal punishment – think typical 90s/00s Christian parenting and throw in a narcissistic parent. Police Reports have since been made about my parent.
My husband (31M) has spoken for years about spanking both parties involved in giving and receiving however the night leads. He is aware of my upbringing.
Is there a way for someone to reclaim spanking to be sexy rather than to be even to scared to try it? I am not sure on how one would start. I am sometimes shocked when he will come up behind and taps harder than he anticipated and it takes me a bit to realise everything is safe. I just don’t know how to start and am wondering if ‘incidental’ spanks are the way to start rather than bending over and going ties me up with anxiety and dread.
Is this possible? How do I start? Is this possible to get over?
Edit: I am also looking at how to be on the delivering end. And this is not forced, my husband is super respectful of the whole situation, I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I guess this is something that I know I want to work on.
2 comments
This is just a program I would try. Arrange for him to give single or double pats several times a day, and in varied positions and circumstances and times of day. Like, hugging from the front, from behind, grasping an arm. In foreplay and sex, I like to slap butts and backs of thighs, no other areas. Try receiving, again, one or two light pats, then he quits. After many months of this, I think you’ll warm up to it and intensify it. Maybe you will find it’s the most pleasant, or the least unpleasant, in some particular way. Then build on that.
Reclaiming something is all about having control over it, and then demonstrating that control to the scared part of your brain in small and consistent ways. I would suggest explaining that to your husband, and letting him know that you will be asking for things and starting and stopping, etc, that way he won’t be confused or wondering if he did something wrong. Then you start dipping your toes in the water in whatever way feels a little bit scary but not a lot scary. Ask him to give you one incidental tap, and then let the scared part of your brain watch as exactly that and only that is what occurs. Bend over into the position that feels scary but then have him do nothing but give you a nice massage. Ask him to give you five light taps but then tell him to stop after the first two and prove to your brain that he will stop exactly when asked.