I (25M) escaped relationship with ex (25F) who would break up with me and come back over and over

I don’t know if I need validation for the situation or what but I’m here to at the least drain my brain of thoughts. If they see this I don’t care, I’m tired.

Within the last month, my partner of 4 years off and on finally broke up. This time for the final time. Over the course of the relationship she broke up with me probably 4 times, but realistically initiated it 7+ times. Almost twice a year.

Many of the times because she didn’t know if she was ready or because she needed to be alone to figure out her life or because of eventually, long distance. Every time I tried to find a solution instead of breaking up but it was almost an instinct for her to retreat, a jerk reaction. Then we’d meet up for the “last time” and she’d fold and explain she wanted to work things out, she’d apologize, yadda yadda. Usually the relationship would have the same cycle – I’d be communicative, she’d then become less communicative and ask for more space. I’d comply, let her do her thing, but then it would just become days of not talking at all, and as much as I tried to keep normal engagement it would start to feel like I was an annoyance when I was just communicating with my partner normally. When approaching them they’d make it about me – that I wasn’t being normal, that I was being insecure, etc, when in reality they were stonewalling and inconsistent.

Then when she’d see my strong self when leaving she’d want me to stay. The relationship was so hot & cold on their end it made me incredibly confused, second guess myself, insecure, etc. We took a long break (~6 months) and reconnected – it was intense, beautiful, and everything I’d ever wanted. They apologized for all the perfectionist habits they pushed on me, the stonewalling, communication, etc. All of it. Then quickly within a month we broke up again because of a miscommunication and then decided to work things through. But I mentioned it was the last time, that if she got overwhelmed again and broke up that I’d be done for life. She understood, full of love and commitment, and then within three weeks reverted. I was supporting them with everything – finding new places to live, arranging finances, giving them space, planning fun trips to decompress, etc. Nope, didn’t matter, she was overwhelmed “maybe it was still the wrong time to try this again”.

Enough was enough, I told them this was it, no going back, and that I don’t deserve this treatment. That I deserve more consistency and love. I told them I won’t be able to be friends in the future and at this point I don’t plan on reaching out ever again despite my brains natural addiction to the toxic relationship. When she loved it was so pure and authentic, but it would disappear out of nowhere, and I don’t deserve that.

But now I’m here, exhausted, and I know I did the right thing by setting my boundaries but it isn’t any less traumatic. I guess that’s my Ted Talk if this ever gets read by someone.

TLDR: Hot and cold partner broke up with me after years of breakup cycling. They would always come back and string me along. I cut the cycle by saying it was the last time and that we shouldn’t be in each other’s lives. Harsh boundaries? I’m feelin’ crazy, Lol

[edit: Mods we’re deleting comments because of my phrasing. Thank you guys so dang much for the support here, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it enough]