Ive seen this advice going around and I would like to know what you guys thought of it.
My interpretation of this advice is that, even if other people are making ‘jokes’ about you about something, even if they are ‘ jokes’ or attempted to be played off as one, some their perception of you could be gleaned from such interaction.
Is my interpretation correct? Do you agree with it.?
46 comments
True to a certain extent. But it’s hard to say if the other person himself knows this. It’s usually an involuntary activity.
No it’s a dumb assumption. (not that you’re dumb it’s just a dumb old wives tale) it’s like saying that bullies are just jealous of you or that people who are angry are just hurting inside. It’s all just crap told to people who are being hurt to make them feel better. It’s not true and it’s actually hurtful to act this way because it forgives people for thirty bad behavior and doesn’t hold them accountable for thier actions.
Sounds like something from r/teenagers
100% agree.
No, I’ve told thousands of jokes that held no truth whatsoever. Do some? Sure! Do they all? No.
It depends. Some jokes are just jokes. Sometimes I find certain friends roast me way more than they do other friends so I’m like damn bruh you got a problem? But some people just see it as a sign of being close. I think if your feelings are genuinely hurt about something, you could just tell them.
Even if there is a grain of truth. A joke is usually distorted a ton. So the one grain of truth is laying on a beach with a billion other grains.
In my opinion, some of the funniest jokes have a hint of truth to them. Obviously not all jokes are going to be true. The types of jokes you tell other people should also depend on your relationship to them because it provides context. For example, some nights with my close friends are just constant streams of roasts. Are the roasts true or based on something true? Absolutely. Are they funny? To us they are. Im self-aware enough to know when jokes about me hold truth, but whenever I hear these, they’re usually from people that I’m close to and care about, so I assume their joke is an indirect and friendly way of saying “dude, come on, we know you can do better.”
You can always look back on the joke later and figure out if it’s something that actually bothers you or if you can live with it. If it bothers you, take steps to change whatever it is that caused the joke to come about in the first place and/or let the other person know it bothers and upsets you and they should at least respect that.
Generally there is a grain of truth in every joke. Is it exaggerated? Probably. A lot of the time I just go off of intent and if someone jokes about something that bothers me I say something. I get a lot of short jokes, for example, because I am short. My boyfriend gets called a fatty by his mom/cousins because of how he eats but he’s not that heavy.
Absolutely true.
The truth is often clothed in jest.
And
Drunk comments are sober thoughts.
Some people are just straight trolls, and going off rumors. The more you know yourself, the less it matters.
Very true indeed!! Beware the passive aggressive jokesters, they are just plain nasty people.
I agree with this. I grew up around my step family. They constantly joked about me. The day I turned 18 and moved out, the only time they ever spoke to me was (begrudgingly) at weddings and funerals. Now I realize I just never really had a family and I’ve come to terms with that.
Many a truth is said in jest.
I’d say it’s true, but “many” is sort of subjective. Some people are pretty much always joking, and some people use humor to be a dick to other people. Just depends
Yes. A joke about another person is almost always taking something true about them and making light of it. Whether there is malice is a case by case basis.
My Italian mom says: Halequine si confessa burlando.
The harlequin confesses in jest
Or the clown’s true feelings come out when joking.
I may have the Italian wrong, but this is her response anytime anyone jokes around in a less than supportive/bullying way. It’s proved good advice for me.
That’s true. I frequently tell jokes to casually address small problems and annoyances to friends/acquaintances. My friends do the same back to me. I find it prevents larger fights in the longterm. This is actually embedded into the reasoning some philosophers gave as to why, as social creatures, we laugh at all.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6YvKf8EqKxvgo9mu3xlpYB?si=2a6rYjYMSHWK_Ov8-6_AcQ&utm_source=copy-link
I agree somewhat. People playfully roast each other, but usually there’s some grain of truth in it. If your friends repeatedly call you fat in jokes for example, they’re probably serious in that they think you’re fat. Just make sure you tell then that you’re uncomfortable or redirect them if they make a joke about something you’re really insecure about and try to keep it more lighthearted. It’s not always with malice, but if it makes you upset stop it immediately before you start to get resentful. You don’t have to tolerate jokes at your expense if you don’t want to, and if your friends can’t respect that they’re not really friends
It can be, but some jokes work by taking things out of their original context and placing them in another context, often because words can have more than one meaning, or sentence structure can make a simple statement seem different depending on the inflection or a few changes in wording. Sometimes it’s just word play.
I think this is pretty true. Even if the person isn’t aware of it it’s probably coming from their subconscious. I’d say this is pretty often true tho like if someone jokingly makes a minor complaint/jab but then takes it back or laughs it off. A lot of people use jokes to outlet their frustration/annoyance while being able to dodge accountability for the sentiment. It’s like a way to bypass responsibility and avoid direct communication but still let off steam.
But I think there is a level of intelligence and consciousness where people can cleverly make a joke out of themselves or something not because it’s actually how they feel but because they saw the humor in the perspective. Most people aren’t doing this tho
So I don’t think this applies to every joke, but in interpersonal relationships, especially if it involves a criticism about you or makes you the butt of the joke, it’s probably a real feeling they feel to some extent. So yes I agree with your interpretation
**All generalizations are false**
There is a grain of truth in *most* jokes. Or hell, maybe not even most.
Nah banters banter
Yes. But some are said maliciously, be aware of that.
I wouldn’t do that because humor is good, even just for the sake of humor. Research shows that people view those more highly who even *attempt* to use humor. So, let it just be a joke for its own sake over taking it personally. If you need a minute, take a minute, but then be read to rejoin and don’t damper the jokes. They make the interactions more smooth, more fun, and all around, better.
Definitely not true for me! In many cases I will only make a joke because it is not true at all but they happened to walk into it. Jokes are meant to make people laugh, not dig into insecurities.
I agree with that for the most part. There’s always exceptions but often jokes are observational based. Doesn’t mean they think poorly of you just because they joke about something though. Humor is humor. And if you can’t laugh at yourself and aren’t self aware then you’re doomed anyways.
It wouldn’t be in their mind if they didn’t think of it
No, I super disagree with this and I can’t believe people are agreeing with you. Some jokes are just jokes. Sometimes friends roast each other just because it’s fun.
Maybe sometimes but jokes are often funny because they’re *completely* the opposite of the truth, so the surprise and contrast is what makes it funny. For example a big guy nicknamed tiny, etc.
It’s like when a guy says he wants to get in your pants, and you say no, and he says “well, I was just joking anyway!”
I would not spend time alone with the person in this scenario
It really depends, yes people sometimes put some truth that they can’t directly tell your face in jokes or there are jokes you can put the sub category “Technically it is not wrong” but if you are talking to someone like me – a complete sarcastic who REALLY don’t care about ethic, or has respect to anything – then no. (But if you want me to be honest, it’s really easy to seperate between a joke that has some turth in it and a joke has not. It gives a different *taste* to joke regardless of the joke is good or bad)
It has nothing to do with you personally. It’s saying if someone constantly makes homophobic “jokes”, even if they claim they are not “homophobic”, there’s a good chance they are more homophobic than the person who doesn’t feel the need to make those kinds of jokes to begin with. Bill burr is a good example. How many “I hate women” jokes can you make before we start to wonder if you really do or not.
I mean, yeah Jokes need to have founding material, and if someone is joking to you about you then there is definitely a mote of truth being drawn from.
However, the person’s intent matters. Are they joking with you because it’s an enjoyable exchange, or are they taking the piss for their own benefit?
As someone who jokes a lot, I’d say about 60% of the time there is some truth to them not always
It depends a lot on what you mean by jokes. Humor is sometimes used purely to get a laugh, relieve tension or show off. Humor is also a useful tool for saying something that’s socially unacceptable and having a way to back out of it if there’s an unpleasant reaction, or even to openly say rude things without being blamed for it.
Definitely pay attention to the “direction” they’re joking (putting you down vs. building you up), as it can indicate what even they don’t realize or acknowledge is a feeling or opinion about you.
That said “busting” on each other is a key part of some social bonding, especially male bonding. Even outright insults or teasing are sometimes meant to be taken in a humorous spirit purely based on the fact that they’re so rude.
yup totally agree. i’m a little slow tbh. it is what it is but in my adult life in every workplace i’ve been at i’m constantly being joked at. most R word jokes too. they try to disguise it with humor but in reality it’s disrespectful and inhumane. i’m really starting to get fed up and to make it worse ppl call me sensitive for standing my ground and setting boundaries.
I think it’s true generally, but not for 100% of the jokes
Eh…IDK. A guy I haven’t had a first date with yet playfully asked me to move in, and I was like “first date first, I could totally be a kidney stealer!” I am not a kidney stealer.
I’m not completely sure, but I think it could be true in a few instances.
I believe my partner is one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. She’s got a great understanding of people and politics but also has a way of breaking ideas down into parts that makes even complex ideas simple to understand. She picks things up really quickly, and she can give surprisingly deep analysis of games and films without any preparation.
She does, however, have “bimbo moments” from time to time (her words). Imagine those memes of someone going “what kind of animal is the pink panther” and you’ve got an idea of it. Just real silly brainfart kind of stuff.
Our circle will clown on her for being dumb, and *she’ll* clown on herself for it, but I think those are the important bits: one, that we all understand she’s not *actually* stupid (just silly), and two, that she’s in on the joke. There are some things that she’s self conscious of and has said she doesn’t like joked about, so I don’t.
Even with the stuff like this that we *do* joke about, I’ll stop every once in a while to check in. *Was that too mean? You good?* 99% of the time, she’s fine, but I also make sure to let her know I’m just goofing: *You know you aren’t actually stupid, though, okay? You’re one of the smartest people I know, and I admire you a lot.* Even in completely platonic relationships, I believe it’s good to let friends know that you do actually appreciate and think highly of them. If your friends never have a nice thing to say about you, and your concerns about them being too hard on you are being laughed off, I think that’s the time to have a real discussion and reevaluate your friendship.
A lot of people are socially awkward because they think too much about what other people think of them. Be free – don’t worry about how others may judge you. it’s liberating.
Many a truth is told in jest.
This idea goes back a bit –
Chaucer 1390
But yet I pray thee be not wroth for game; [don’t be angry with my jesting]
A man may say full sooth [the truth] in game and play
Shakespeare 1605
Jesters do oft prove prophets
James Joyce
There’s many a true word spoken in jest
Any words which come out of someone’s mouth must be a thought which was executed in a funny way.
So if they are joking about something, then it means they are thinking about it.
Personally, if someone jokes 2 or 3 times regarding same topic, I do take it seriously and discuss the concern if needed.
“I’ve noticed that when people are joking they’re usually dead serious, and when they’re serious, they’re usually pretty funny.”
Jim Morrison
Absolutely none. Zero grain of truth to it. What you likely can ascertain is what type of person they are from their “jokes” are they mean spirited or in good fun, but I always sing songs about my wife’s smelly bottom, and that woman is the single most important person in my life. She knows I love her, and the songs we sing about each other are a part of our “love language”.
There’s no grains with my “friends” they always point out my flaws and make jokes accordingly.
It depends on the context and the relationship.
Sometimes I make jokes, because they are so far from the truth, it’s funny. Like “Oh yeah, that [hard working, dedicated, machine of a person] is such a slacker”. It is quite obviously *not* true. Everyone knows its not true. That’s why it’s funny – it is not in line with expectations. I wouldn’t make that joke about someone I actually thought wasn’t hard working – that wouldn’t be funny, just rude and awkward….