So I (27 F) have a friend (29 M) who I’m not sure is actually my friend.
we have a sexual relationship and see each other quite a lot. From an outsiders view we look like we are in a relationship. We have gone on holidays together etc.
When I have been going through hard times he is never there for me. I lost my job and was super upset on the phone to him crying and midway through he put the phone down because something more interesting came up and he said that there’s nothing he can do about it so what’s the point in being on the phone. This made me soooo much more upset and things like this happen a lot.
Something happened to me other day that was quite a big deal and I was pretty upset about it, and he didn’t listen to anything. (He later says things that obviously show he wasn’t listening.) Anyway on this occasion when I caught him out for not listening, he said “well sorry but I’m not your support dog…”.
Honestly these things make whatever I’m going through worse. I talk to him all the time and we share everything together. So when things happen I feel he is the one I want to talk to but it never helps. He usually just says sorry and we make up but it’s happened so many times now.?
So I also want to add that I’m basically his only friend and he is pretty lonely. He is very sexually focused and I kind of think he uses me for that and also because he has no other friends. He also deals with depression pretty bad and tbh he doesn’t care about much or anything. So maybe it’s not personal but is this the sort of person I want in my life?
I feel as though you can’t help that you don’t care. Saying sorry isn’t going to make you care. I think he just says it so we can carry on as we were before.
Ps- I don’t have feelings for him
8 comments
Depression or whatever mental health issues are never an excuse to be an asshole to someone. He’s made it pretty clear to you where he stands in this situationship. You are expecting way more than even just a friend would provide, you’re leaning on him any time you need to vent or whenever you feel the desire for emotional support. This is very clearly not what he’s willing to be, plus he’s an asshole about it.
Ps: you absolutely do have feelings for him and you need to cut it all off for the sake of your own sanity.
And yeah, he’s 1000% using you because you’re letting him.
You’re right.
This man doesn’t really seem like he views you as a friend. The only other explanation i have is that you’re constantly using him as a therapist, and dumping all your problems on him.
Has he ever expressed feelings for you? He could be using you or he might be frustrated that you are willing to have sex with him and vent to him about your problems but not actually commit to a relationship.
I think you’re confusing your fuck buddy for a friend or boyfriend. He exclusively wants sex from you. If you want more, it won’t be with him.
Do you trauma dump on him extensively? Are you conversations 80% you talking/complaining and him being talked at? If not, he views your situation as more sex and less friends than you do.
Most fwb relationships are lacking the friend part. Seems to be the case here.
I think what you see in him and what he sees in you are two different things.
He sees you as a FWB, while you see him as a FWB, that you can unload your issues with. Neither of you are wrong on your stance, I just don’t think you ever defined your status as what you truly are.