Boyfriend broke up with me because he is ‘over it’.
He basically bombed me with this. We were together for 5 intense months. Was very nice all the time and saw each other a lot. He is very busy with school but he did make time for me and spent a lot of time together with me.
He broke up with me on Sunday after a pretty distant week apart. He said he was over it and didnt wanna be in a relationship anymore. He wants to be alone and on his own. We talked and I tried to understand it. We also laughed and made jokes. As if nothing ever happened.
Few days later I found myself texting him to meet up so I could give him my perspective. I told him I am willing to fight and we could go on a break to work on ourselves and all these other things I proposed since I can’t lose him. He said ‘for now its a no, but I will think about it.’
Up to yesterday I was getting my life back together and okay with that fact of okay its a no. Get that in your head. But I found myself again talking with him and he was just absolutely so unaffected by it all (it seems) and how he would be annoyed and he does miss me and likes to be around me but he doens’t want a relationship. All these things. To me it is as if he chose the easy way out. A coward move, if just giving up and calling it quits. Afterwards I sent him a text saying everything I basically said before but now on text so he could read it and know it. About that i am nit a quitter and i don’t give up or want to give up on him. How I am willing to fight and give him space but that I like him too much to just let him go like that.
He send me this dry as text back in past tense how it was a wonderful relationship and we did get along well. And how he appreciates how we can talk about everything and that he always enjoys his time around me.
I am just so mad now that he is such a coward and just get to tap out. What makes me more mad is how he doesnt seem to be affected by this at all. He is just living his life as if nothing happened (it seems). Which hurts so much because I clearly am affected by it.
tl;dr boyfriend (22) breaks up with me since he is over it but it also feels like he has no will to fight for it. Eventhough all this he does like around and we do get along quite well. Until now
14 comments
Sounds like he was not that invested in the relationship, and was never going to be. You can’t make someone love you. Don’t settle for someone who is constantly on the fence about you, find someone who will jump fences for you.
It sounds like he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, and that’s okay. You deserve someone who wants to be with you.
I’m going to suggest that what you’re doing now is pretty much going to push him even further away. You can’t “fight” to save a relationship if one person has noped out already, and you are giving him even more reason to put distance between you.
You don’t fight for a relationship. You cooperate or split up. You don’t push or force, you compromise and meet in the middle.
You want a relationship and he’s telling you he doesn’t.
What’s hard for you here is that he sounds like he’s sending mixed signals. But, they seem like that because you’re receiving them incorrectly. He’s telling that he appreciates you and has had good times with you (seems like he still does) to maybe help soften the blow.
Give him/yourself space, evaluate how you feel and realise you need someone who mirrors your needs/expectations/values. Because it just doesn’t sound like he’s ready or interested. I would also go no contact for a while so you don’t trap yourself in his company and feeling confused.
> 5 intense months.
You were just getting to know each other on a deeper level. At this stage, he was still gauging your compatibility, and obviously he decided it wasn’t what he had been hoping for.
> as if he chose the easy way out.
This isn’t a long term relationship with a strong foundation facing a challenge. He gave it a chance, it didn’t work for him, he’s moving on. He chose the smart and respectful way out. Would you rather he had strung you along?
> i don’t give up or want to give up on him.
This mindset is suitable for long term relationships and marriages. Refusing to “give up on” five months of dating is not you fighting for something meaningful. It’s you refusing to accept rejection and trying to latch on to someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
Bottom line: stop romanticizing this and just let him go.
I know it’s so hard (and so much easier said than done) but no amount of fighting is going to work when the other party has disengaged in this way, so for your own sanity and self respect I would really suggest not talking to this guy anymore and walking away.
Alongside this though, even if you were to fight for this and him come around to the idea – you are worth more than someone who has shown you he can just flip like this.
Its unfortunate, but you need to stop trying to win him back. Stop trying to fight for your relationship.
You said he’s pretty busy but made time to see you. He may just need personal space and time alone to recharge.
Nothing against you. Just may be a bit overwhelming for him right now.
He’s not a coward because he no longer wants to be in a relationship with you. He ended it. You don’t have to accept the breakup. It takes one person to end a relationship. Stop begging him to come back to you. He no longer wants to be in a relationship with you. You don’t have to remain friends with him. Block him if it makes moving on easier.
No one needs your permission to break up and they aren’t a coward if they don’t want to date you and tell you so. Do you know there are people that are too chickenshit to break up so they just start treating their partners like crap until the partner breaks up with them? Your boyfriend acted like a decent honorable person.
Telling someone you’re going to fight for the relationship that they have clearly told you they don’t want to be in isn’t actually admirable, it’s harassment. You’re allowed to say that you’d rather try to work things out but then you have to accept their decision and leave them be.
Sounds like you are way more invested, and he is trying to let you down easy.
It’s over.
That’s how breakups work. If you give yourself time and space from him you will get over him.
Are you Olivia Rodrigo?
You keep calling him a coward, but he told you exactly what he wanted, a break up, if he was a coward he’d have ghosted you
He’s acting like he’s not bothered, not because he’s a coward, but because he genuinely isn’t bothered. There’s nothing you can do about it, a one-sided relationship can’t be fought for. I’m sorry you’re hurting but you really need to let go.