I am just trying to gauge on what is a typical dealbreaker in a relationship, something that your partner did that made you say that this person is not someone i want to be with anymore.

32 comments

  1. I was moving to a different state and realized that the thought of never seeing him again didn’t distress me. So although he offered to find a new job and move with me, I couldn’t take him up on it knowing my feelings just weren’t there. Nothing he said or did, just a realization that I wasn’t in love regardless of how great he was.

  3. It was a long-distance relationship, and we couldn’t agree on 1) having children, 2) which country to live in in the future, 3) a timeline and plan to close the distance between us (our timezones were 14 hours apart, it was brutal).

    Honestly the first one alone should’ve made me end it much earlier, but I was still figuring out how made up his mind was and I was a little in denial I guess. I also stayed in that relationship much longer than I should’ve because the long distance aspect really slowed things down.

  4. Alcohol and marijuana use. Always high working from home, thought drinking a few right before driving was fine, drinking during work hrs if it was a stressful day that went past 5. The next step in our relationship was kids and I wasn’t going to do that with someone I couldn’t rely on.

  6. It was definitely more of a situationship even though I had explicitly stated my intentions of dating was to be in a monogamous relationship with someone.

    Fast forward 2 months, meeting each other’s friends and spending NYE together, found out from one of his friends that he was still very much active on OLD and matching with people.

    Talked to him about it and he said he wanted to “keep his options open”. I told him I would not be one of those options and we parted.

  7. Loved him more than anything, but for him I just wasn’t important, never a priority. I felt like a placeholder.

  8. He felt it was perfectly normal to call me 10+x a day and then would get upset if I didn’t feel like talking to him because I was trying to get work done. His constant need for attention was exhausting.

  10. My last relationship ended because of a death, so I won’t count that one. We were very compatible, and it was a healthy and functional relationship, even after 11 years. But the one before that, hoo boy. When I first started seeing him it seemed like he would go to the ends of the earth to get me and make me happy. Then after he had me it was like he didn’t give a crap. He became very cold and withholding.

    I realize now that the early stages were just love bombing, but I was young and naive back then.

  11. He’s 38m.

    He would poke fun at me, call me names, call me a “zombie” if he didn’t like how I was acting. He called them jokes but I called them jabs.

    The last six months, he started throwing things around when we got into arguments such as a wastebasket or a bottle of soda. The cleanups were a mess and he apologized after each instance. I couldn’t forgive it, I was worried it would be me next.

  12. I felt like work would always be his number 1 priority, and not me or our future family together. He was working in a field that demanded a lot of time and had many lifestyle restrictions.

  13. We were not on the same 1-3-5-10-20 year financial goal plan. His refusal to find a fulltime permanent job, and only took on 6-month gigs and stayed on unemployment for the other six.

  14. They kept accusing me of cheating. Like daily. As someone who has been cheated on, and hates cheaters with a passion I couldn’t take the accusations, and the constant need to prove myself constantly. It got to the point where I was like, “Do you want to put up with this for the rest of your life?” The answer was a resounding “No”. It was the worst breakup I’ve ever been through. I’ve been single for the past 2 and a half years, and it’s just so peaceful.

  17. She ended our engagement and regretted it within a week. I stood my ground and walked away.

  18. He promised to make me steak to celebrate my 1 year sobriety anniversary and showed up over an hour late without communicating that he was going to be late. That was the last straw. I was tired of being disappointed by his broken promises.

  21. He had another girlfriend for the last 5 months of the Relationship 🫠

  22. She was self-aware until we touched on something that triggered her trauma and/or emotional issues.

    Then she became aggressive, rigid, self-righteous, sometimes abusive, and completely self-unaware; to the point that – when I told her how proud I was of a massive business contact and sale I had made/that came of my hard work (i run a small consultancy and this was huge), she proceeded to knock me down and tell me i was gross because “i deserved it, was clout chasing, and needed to be put in my place.”

  23. He had zero intentions of moving the relationship forward. He did not say it outright, but actions speak louder than words ever could.

  24. My ex, matched with my sister’s friend on tinder after dating for 3 years…said he wanted to make friends… cute woman friends to “hang out with.” He wanted to do more than that.

  25. What a doozy. The silent treatment, exclusion, lying, aggression, sexual punishment, triangulation and cheating. What a POS, I’m glad to be done with it. It triggered past traumas and I had to reach out to every person in my support network to build the courage to go no contact. I have had multiple panic attacks in the past few weeks. I don’t scare easily, but we decided to do shrooms together and he turned into a demon in front of my eyes and I felt I was in the presence of a deadly predator. I couldn’t ignore my gut anymore after that. Thanks shrooms!

  26. For awhile I thought he was my person. But he was very rigid (ex. we had to have the same hangout schedule 2 years in as we had had 2 months in) and he would minimize and dismiss my feelings. Conversations that should have been productive were awful – such as me saying I want to hang out more often before we move in together. And then I just didn’t feel like doing it anymore – I couldn’t see myself taking the next step with him.

  27. He was drinking 8+ beers every night. He completely shut himself out of the relationship and escaped into his alcoholism.

  28. Couldn’t communicate their feelings (other than anger or anxiety) and would shut down.

  29. This might sound bad… but last relationship I broke up with someone it was because total lack of ambition. He became unemployed and had no idea what to do about it. Tried helping him with some ideas, all turned down. Just no willingness to try or get life in order. I decided maybe dating rn wasn’t something right. Also, he was very introverted but also didn’t share my hobbies and interests. Hard to go out on dates and do fun activities, mainly wanted to stay in and that played a role. However, he was very sweet and treated me very well, timing was bad though and some compatibility issues.

  30. Owing to long distance, a lack of willingness on either of our parts to reconsider our individual locations, and mutual (and therefore debilitating) anxious attachment energy, maintaining the relationship was exhausting and so I made the call to step off. I want in-person, and I want my life to be less screen dependent, and neither of these things were plausible in any kind of short or mid term timing.

  32. She cheated, a lot, with several other guys. I put up with it way longer than I should have but every time I called her out she said she’d stop, then a few months later there’d be a new other guy for a few months. Cheaters never stop. Got pretty bad trust issues now but could be worse, could still be trying to trust someone who didn’t deserve it.

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